I am a long time member but have nc for this.
I have been having a terrible time with my ds (now 13) since the age of 4. School has been an absolute nightmare, negative and unhelpful to the point where he has gone to 3 different primary schools and is now in 2nd year at secondary school and is in trouble a lot.
The problems are and always have been; hyperactivity, lack of focus, lack of social skills, no concept of others personal space/feelings, blurting out inappropriate comments, no filter etc.
I took him to a locum go at age of 4 saying I felt something wasn't right. He was incredibly hard work but an only child so I didn't have much to compare him to.
I was advised to keep a food diary and see if sugar/colours were a possible trigger. Yes, I think they were to a degree but his behaviour was always just so intense and full on I was exhausted and down beaten by the constant negative reports from nursery/school/ football club etc that I became isolated and depressed.
His father and I are married and have a good stable home life.
Private Nursery described him aged 3 as the worst child they had ever had 😡 This came out through gossip between a member of staff and a friend of the family. Nursery denied saying this, but he was often sat in isolation or on a naughty chair when we'd go to collect him.
School, primary 1 he used to take other kids 'I've been good all week' stickers on a Friday as he never ever got one.
Primary 2 started the calls home from teacher. General disruptive behaviour and inappropriate things being said.
P3 same
P4 teacher hated him and highlighted social problems, kids not wanting to sit with him or be his friend, blamed ds for his behaviour.
We moved him to another school
This school said he had limited focus and was disruptive in class but that it was fairly low level.
We moved away to another area1.5 years later
School 3. Again, disruptive in class, impulsive, shouting out answers can't sit still. Annoying other pupils.
Secondary school. Same. We have been involved with guidance teacher a lot as she has been phoning with all the behavioural issues and we have said we think there is an underlying issue and can he be assessed for ADHD. She was passive and didn't really take us on, I got the impression she just sees the 'behaviour' and not the whole history to our son.
He is now in 2nd year and things are going downhill rapidly. We have asked for a referral to EdPhsyc and it's been handled on an 'informal basis' so far i.e. She is reading over the school notes.
Since then ds has been in a multitude of trouble, is now being put out of classes for the whole period almost every day and was even excluded for 4 days for saying something inappropriate to a girl and humiliating her.
He was put back into school and rapidly the behaviour started again, he was put out of classes and I've just snapped. I've had enough!!
Why is no one helping us and why can they not see it may be a behavioural disorder???
When he was excluded we took him back to the go who I felt was very judgemental, saw a stroppy teen in front of her and assessed on the spot it was his choice to be bad and that the school will lead on any referral.
So we are going in circles, my ds is incredibly hard work and is clearly failing in school.
I emailed this concern to the school saying I wasn't happy with him being put out of so many classes on an increasingly regular basis and that it appears that the teachers are not using any strategies with him to avoid confrontation. Some of them appear to be very confrontational with him and as soon as he takes the bait he's put out.
I asked for the policies regarding excluding children from education and also the policy for removing them from classes.
The school replied in a very rude and defensive way and I was blasted for making the suggestion that their teachers were not doing their best to manage his behaviour. I did not get clarification on the policies and procedures for putting kids out the class. They simply suggested we go and face the teachers which I felt was confrontational.
How do we get the ball rolling with getting him assessed? I am ill with the stress of all this and I literally cannot take any more.
Having him as an only child, dealing with sub-fertility and a multitude of other things has taken its toll on me and tbh most days I just want to be gone. There is no support.
Please, if anyone on here can help or advise please do. It's the Scottish education system if that makes any difference.
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Help needed with ds - school problems poss ADHD
15 replies
MrsBagpuss · 28/12/2016 20:05
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PolterGoose ·
02/01/2017 21:35
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Usernamealreadyexists ·
03/01/2017 14:55
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