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How do you deal with violent outbursts(25 Posts)
Message withdrawn at poster's request.
Hi there, Advice I was given by autism occupational therapist is to avoid eye contact, move out of range and reduce all speech down to very limited & clear words. You can talk about what was upsetting them and try to underline positive behaviour after they've come out of it and calmed down. We've just started to implement this and it seems to help a lot.
I'll go just slightly against the grain here and say timeout can work but in a different way. It has to be a good place, a quiet place that is not a punishment but somewhere safe to go when getting upset but before a meltdown to give him time/space to regulate himself. Wouldn't call it 'timeout' though. If timeout is working at school I wonder if it could be because the timeout place is away from sensory overload and somewhere he is happy to be?
You cannot teach a child with ASD anything during a meltdown. Only once it is over can you even start to think of teaching them alternative strategies.
We try to be very low arousal. No shouting, telling off, keeping her in a quiet area as much as possible, no retaliation if she is not hurting anyone or anything.
Of course, this doesn't always work and then we do restrain her. Been this way since she was 6. Most recently destroyed her homework book ripping it up into small pieces after finally completing her first piece of homework this year . In these situations we actually let her rip or destroy things on occasion. It's pretty sad, fuck knows. If we are handling it correctly. But we do restrain her if she is getting violent with her sisters or us, as she can self-harm. It's the end of term and Christmas here, so while she seems to be coping with the routine change at school, we are certainly seeing things escalate at home.
Mine are older (fourteen) and are bigger than me but we realised from age 10 that physical restraint was just not going to work long-term so our strategy is prevention and de-escalation. Prevention making sure they are fed, watered, temperature controlled and given space after school. Deescalation - sympathising with the issue, not attempting to reason or contradict what they are saying, not attempting punishments (may be natural consequences after), avoiding touch if at all possible (sometimes we have to drag them off each other but that's it|), humour and distraction.
I went to a very good
and funny talk on managing challenging behaviour (in teenagers/adults in this case) and have just looked out my notes of what they suggest during an episode:
- Keep the distance, when the person steps back you step back as well.
- step backwards in demand situations
- do not stand opposite the individual (stand at an angle to them)
- sit down or prop yourself against the wall
- avoid being infected by other's tension: spread calm
- wait (that is often enough), if they are throwing stuff then calm down then they are starting to learn to calm themselves.
- get other people out of the room
- avoid touch with tense muscles; relax your muscles if they grab you.
- in emergency, and you need to grab them, use the person's movement then let go (3-5 seconds most to hold on for). (So if you grab their arm let your arm move with theirs then let go)
The main message was managing behaviour is not about learning.
Timeout can escalate a situation very quickly. The tone in your voice (shame and fear reaction from child adding to existing stressor), the physical attempt to make them go into timeout when they aren't cooperating, all make a bad situation worse. I remember watching SuperNanny and the little children refusing to stay in timeout and it was just ...heartbreaking. Rubbish method. Anyway if he is so wellbehaved in school why is she even using Timeout in the first place???
How to Talk so Kids will Listen by Faber and Mazlish does not recommend it either, and warns against it, which is good enough for me!
If I had a strict teacher in school or a manager at work and suddenly my mum or partner started behaving the same way I would freak out Imagine if your friends talked to you like your boss..School is school and home is home. It doesn't mean home cannot have routines and structures.
De-escalation and letting him walk away and be alone until he has recovered composure usually heads it off for DS, but he is older (12) and understands much better what is happening to him now. I also try and find time alone with him and in a non-pressured (no eye contact) place, such as the car, later on so we can talk through what happened and why, what we can do in the same situation in future etc.
knitting I agree about Timeout in the forced way as a punishment (real or perceived) super nanny style is wrong and unhelpful. But being guided to 'time out' (small t) away from demands/stressors in a good place with a preferred activity before getting too upset can be helpful to calming. However I think the connotations of the word 'Timeout' are such that I shouldn't use it in this context?
Blae definitely, gentle reassignment to a new situation is very helpful, ds2's room was always a haven to him so he liked being back there when things went pearshaped downstairs with siblings. His room is very small and cosy.
But shutting door on them or holding it shut unless they are used to it being a positive thing makes things worse. Warnings imply that it is a negative consequence which probably why your ds went ballistic.
Reading a book to my DS (10) always and sometimes for DD(3) works.
My big struggle is not to respond in kind. Sometime I manage. Sometimes I don't.
Would something like an indoor trampoline help to release all the pent up stress of behaving at school? A Wii high impact activity game? It's about looking at strategies that work to diffuse him.
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