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DS is so angry all the time, I'm not sure how to help him.(3 Posts)
Ds is 11, has ASD/PDA. He's had a rough time in school (no support as he masks) and has school refused for a week and a half, is now in for an hour a day with me to try to help him feel more comfortable. He's just about going in, but is very anxious/angry. Any emotion at all at the moment is making him angry.
Sensory things (deep pressure, chewing, certain movements) help to calm him, but unless he chooses to do it he refuses.
He's needing to be supervised all the time so he doesn't hurt his little brother, he's swearing almost constantly, and saying he wants to die an awful lot.
We're very worried about him but not sure what to do.
CAMHS were beyond useless, they don't believe in PDA and they don't understand masking at all - because he seems fine to them, he's obviously fine everywhere and the issue is parenting (it's not).
Dh and I are beyond being able to come up with inventive strategies at the moment, and our senses of humour have abandoned us, if anyone has any novel ideas that might help ds please let me know
Poor you OP, your DS sounds very like my DS1, who is so good at masking he remains undiagnosed ( his younger brother has an ASD DX). 11/12 was the worst age, we did manage to get some family therapy because he was getting physical and threatening to DS2, it wasn't useful in the intended way but I think he made more of an effort to control himself in order to avoid further sessions ( he really hates talking about himself). I tried so many things to help him, cats helped, so did rugby ( he needs a physical outlet) but maturity has helped the most, and leaving school ( he left at 16). We have had a mostly calm interlude but the pressure will be building again as he is starting training for employment soon, I have everything crossed. He still doesn't seem to have access to the full range of emotions, all negative emotions are expressed as anger but he stops sooner and has more control, even apologises.
Your son sounds so much like my DD Cloudperson. She's also 11 as has school refused on and off all this term (completely absent for the last 3 or 4 weeks until she and I went in for half an hour yesterday). I agree that it's such a hard age for kids with pda/asd. The combination of hormones with all the social and educational expectations is just too much for them.
The only thing that seems to be helping has been taking away the pressure, ie at the moment not being at school. She is a little calmer but still attacks us and her little sister when things go wrong.