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Very anxious about autism signs in ds

(51 Posts)
Wwwomble Fri 09-Dec-16 20:06:29

This is going to be long, sorry. I would really like some guidance and, if any can be given, reassurance.

Ds is nearly 12 months old and I am as certain as I can be that he has autism. I know it is very early to tell, but there are too many red flags to be coincidental. These include:

He doesn't follow a gaze or point.
He doesn't point or reach out (unless it is to get something he actually thinks he can reach).
He doesn't wave, nod or any other gestures.
He started a little babbling in the last month but certainly nothing resembling words.
He has no stranger anxiety.
He makes some eye contact, but it is short lived (not when feeding for example).
He has always disliked being cuddled.
He vary rarely imitates (has occasionally clapped or banged table when we do).
He doesn't refer back to me- he can play on his own for 15 minutes or so without looking at me.
He only rarely answers his name.
He doesn't look at me when I go to get him from his cot.
He likes it when I hide things but would not play peekaboo.

On a positive note;
Physically he's fine- crawling, cruising etc
He smile as a lot at strangers, who always comment how happy he is.
He will sometimes interact.
He reaches to be picked up, but only when I am standing over him.
He's very interested in the world.

Basically I'm scared. I don't know what to do. The health visitor said to wait and see, by everything I read says early intervention is crucial. But we can't honestly afford all that. I don't even think the uk is up to a diagnosis at this age, let alone support.

It's going to be severe, isn't it? I don't know how we will cope with that, I honestly don't. And I'm pregnant with another, and although it was much wanted I'm now seriously considering talking to dh about an abortion, as this baby is likely to suffer too.

Can anyone help with where to go from here?

LIZS Fri 09-Dec-16 20:10:26

Tbh it is really early to be so concerned about these things. Development is not as rigid a timeframe as you seem to expect. Did you have pnd or anxiety ? Aborting a baby seems a very extreme reaction. Speak to your hv about your concerns first.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy Fri 09-Dec-16 20:15:17

It's not too early, I knew by 12 months and it doesn't mean that it's severe.

Can you afford private diagnosis?

You are right that early intervention is crucial.

Sweets101 Fri 09-Dec-16 20:21:25

I think to need to go and speak to your GP and DH. I don't think your DS's behaviour sounds particularly concerning.

Wwwomble Fri 09-Dec-16 20:22:48

Thanks for the replies.
Lizs- i am certainly an anxious person, but I don't think that is driving my concerns here.
Emelia- can you give me any guidance on how to go about a private diagnosis?

Sweets101 Fri 09-Dec-16 20:24:05

I've just re-read your list actually, that sounds a lot like DS (13 months) and DD (3) was the same. Neither are autistic.

Wwwomble Fri 09-Dec-16 20:25:39

Sweets- do you have experience with autism. That is a genuine question, not a snipe, as I would love to believe I am overreacting.

Wwwomble Fri 09-Dec-16 20:25:55

Cross post. Thankyou.

Porridgemagic Fri 09-Dec-16 20:29:38

My son was already being professionally assessed by the time he was 2. What you've described sounds exactly like his brother, who is NT. Relax. It's very young. And also as the Mum of a child who happens to have autism, it might feel like the sky falls in but it doesn't. They're still the same beautiful child you love.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy Fri 09-Dec-16 20:29:57

In London, Daphne Keen is one of the best but it will /can take months. Cost about £800. However, if you have a diagnosis you can access services even at 12 months.

Your baby is a bit young but have a look at the MCHAT.

Please don't be too anxious, I know how very difficult and lonely it is to think that something is wrong at such a young age. Mine was over 13 years ago and I was fought at every turn about "labelling" him too early, etc. I bloody wanted help for him and I wanted it early so I pushed and he got help, very early on. He's doing grand now.

And that list of worries isn't beyond the remit of a typical child, but you need to pursue it if it's causing you such worry.

Justchanged Fri 09-Dec-16 20:30:52

DS9 is high-functioning ASD. I agree that I is too early to say whether your DS has it or not, but there are proactive things you can do to work on his social skills. Social skills work will not hurt your child and can only benefit him.

Get the Hanen book "More than words". It has a lot of proactive strategies that are perfect for that age to encourage interaction. Also read up on Stanley Greenspan's Floortime. These are all positive and enjoyable ways to interact and to get him to tune in. They are great strategies for playing with all toddlers.

Good luck. Hopefully it is worry over nothing, but you will never regret the strategies above v

Sweets101 Fri 09-Dec-16 20:31:18

Wwwomble only a little. It was covered in part during my psychology degree and I have worked with adults and children with Autism. But my experience is limited it certainly doesn't form part of my current work.

EmeliaHerveyHenryFitzroy Fri 09-Dec-16 20:31:29

And that list of worries isn't beyond the remit of a typical child,

What I mean is as others have said, things may be fine, but if you have worries, I'd seek an assessment.

Wwwomble Fri 09-Dec-16 20:42:12

Thankyou for the replies and reassurance. I appreciate your time.
Emelia- I will look into getting a diagnosis (or hopefully not, obviously) in the new year.
Just- Thanks for the pointers. As you say, it can't hurt.

PolterGoose Fri 09-Dec-16 21:31:03

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Wwwomble Fri 09-Dec-16 21:46:17

Thanks potergoose. Interestingly, if we were in Somerset ds would've been referred to therapy at 12 months due to disliking and resisting cuddles. I will look for similar guidance here.

ohlalalalalalalala Sat 10-Dec-16 22:59:51

i have the same concerns about my DS and he is 20 months... have been worried since he was about 14 months.
My parents care for him whilst DH and I work - but we have put him into daycare 1 day a week to help with development, speech, playing, social skills etc. The daycare uses the reggio emilia approach and he has really come on leaps and bounds. Babbling is much more meaningful and we are getting some words and alot more interaction. He has been referred for speech therapy and an appointment with ENT at the local hospital to rule out a potential hearing problem.
I had all the anxieties that you are having... im a little more relaxed now as i can see him progressing. I'm comparing him with DS6 who was an absolute whizz from no age, proper little smart cookie. I'm slowly accepting that he is just slower to develop.
The only thing that still concerns me is that there is alot of repetative play... he will wheel a car back and fourth for ages, and seems fixated on cars and wheels.. he even watches the new Jeremy clarkson show with DH lol!! Maybe he is just destined to be a petrol head.
Whatever it is, we will be there to love and support him - he will have his wee quirks and we will love him for it!

Wwwomble Wed 14-Dec-16 18:27:55

Thanks ohlala. At least he's not watching top gear yet, so things could be worse!

Chhalma Mon 19-Dec-16 08:24:11

My 22.5 month old son doesn't talk not even mum or dad not a single word sometime bubble only doesn't point , or wave or clap. Doesn't respond to his name always, sometimes does. Doesn't follow instruction for instance if I say bring ur teddy or put something in bin. Even ask to share something he is playing just ignore. Does'nt move his eye if I want to show him something (look at this car or something) Spends hour after hour with small dish to collect stuff like crayon , building block , garlic everything. Throw everything everywhere and
empty rubbish bin. Doesn't draw. If I want to draw he will take my color and throw or collect in his dish. Not interested to listen story only loves to turn the Book pages.loves nursery rhyme then anything. He is very good boy. Self conscious . He loves his little sister who is 3 month old. If I am busy try to keep himself busy with collecting thing in a dish.not interested to play with toy very much. Even not in new thing. His playing is very simple and same pattern. Sonetime he walks with toes and flap his hand. Sometimes round in a circle.
I googled and all of his signs are ASD syoptom. Checked with MCHAT. Result is Autism positive . I am very worried if he has autism . It made me sick. Can't think anything.

He has been seen by pead two weeks ago. Dr did done blood test and chromosome test. Pead report says
1. Significant global developmental delay.
2. Significant speech and language delay
3. Social communication difficulties
But blood test report will get end of January.

Pead refered for SALT waiting for their replay.

I am almost certain my DS has ASD. Want to do the best for him. I was worried when he was 14 month. At 22 month he has been seen by pead. Don't want to wait till 3 yr and later ASD found. Know early intervention is better. Thinking to do ABA therapy. Anyone has any idea about neurofeedback therapy?
Which is better for ASD. I am economically very poor so want to do most effective one.
Best regards
Very worried mom

MrsPeelyWally Mon 19-Dec-16 08:38:15

Womble, I knew within minutes of my now 25 year old son being born that there was cause for concern but my concerns were dismissed as those of a woman who'd just had a baby hmm. He is the youngest of 5 and I just kind of knew something was going on. He was 8 months old when I read an article in the womans own about autism which was hardly known about then and I just knew he was Autistic. I told my friend and she said if that what you believe then I believe you. To cut a long story short - yes, my son is autistic.

I think all you can do now is raise your concerns with your Health Visitor whilst trying to accept that it could be a couple of years before you get a DX if there is indeed one to be made.

With regards to your current Pregnancy. I completely understand your fears and I think only you know what you could cope with further down the line if your son is on the spectrum.

Wwwomble Mon 19-Dec-16 10:58:16

Thankyou Mrspeely. I raised my concerns with my health visitor. Although he seriously underscored at social and communication (in the black) she, like some here, dismissed my concerns as potential pnd. I would love for that to be true but it doesn't explain his behaviour.

Anyway, as has been suggested, I will try not to worry.

MissJSays Mon 19-Dec-16 16:40:32

Far too early

Stradbroke Mon 19-Dec-16 16:55:05

It is difficult as I think a lot of people want to tell you not to worry and the fact is that your list of concerns could be true for a child with or without ASD.

But as Polter said earlier if a mum thinks there is something developmentally different about their child they are nearly always right.

My DD has a diagnosis of ASD and honestly I knew from 6 weeks that something wasn't OK. Unfortunately I also have anxiety which is particularly bad after giving birth. But 8 years later I can look back and say that my anxiety made my worries worse, but actually having a child with ASD and knowing that in my soul made my anxiety worse, they were part and parcel of the same thing. It wasn't that either I was anxious or she had a developmental disability. They were both true.

But also what I will tell you is that I love my daughter with all my heart and she brings joy and fun to our lives. I won't pretend it's always been easy, but it is not the black hole I thought it would be when she was a baby and I first had my concerns.

Enjoy your baby, interact in ways that he can, keep a note of your concerns and ultimately he will get a diagnosis or he won't but you can only deal with the here.

Good luck.

Wwwomble Mon 19-Dec-16 22:27:38

Thanks stradbrook. You have said what I meant about anxiety much more eloquently! I have suspected something to be wrong since he was a few weeks old, which has fed my anxiety.

I suppose my fear is of the worst case scenario. I have a severely autistic cousin, who is institutionalised, non verbal and does not even appear to recognise her parents. So I see the black hole,and struggle to see past it. I think that is where the anxiety really kicks in.

Wwwomble Mon 19-Dec-16 22:28:01

But I hear what is being said. And I will try.

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