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Struggling at the moment

(4 Posts)
jogalong Sat 26-Nov-16 22:39:56

I know there are lots of threads like this and I'm sorry for repeating but it's a real struggle right now. Ds is 7 and I've beenn told all along it'll get easier but that's not happrning. The winter is a nightmare for us. Ds loves the out doors on his bike and scooter and us all been cooped up in the house is disastrous. His social skills are realky bad and taking him out is realky difficult. For example we went to the local swimming pool today and he was do defiant. I just cant bear looking like a fool of a mother any more. Every wehere we go we just stand out and I look like the mother who cannot manage her child. I'm just defeated. If I have to resign myself to a life of staying at home I think I'll crack up.
This whole ASD is a nightmare.
I hope someone understands where I'm coming from.

Ineedmorepatience Sat 26-Nov-16 23:16:15

You dont have to resign yourself to a life at home, you have to grow a thick skin and plan your trips around what he can cope with.

He has Asd and yes its bloody hard at times, learn what his triggers are and then either avoid them or have a distraction technique for when he doesnt cope!

Read The explosive child by Ross Greene.

Good luck flowers

knittingwithnettles Sat 26-Nov-16 23:31:43

Firstly a big hug. This age was really hard for us too. Ds had no friends, his siblings found him difficult and most activities were blighted by meltdowns and tantrums. But now, 7 years later Have just spent a lovely evening with my children doing lip synching to Joseph and Technicolour and playing Articulate, we have all been crying with laughter and Ds has been to Football match with dh. So clearly things have got better and they will for you too.

Swimming pools were for us a good place, but for some ASD children they are a sensory nightmare. Very noisy, very confusing. Maybe it just wasn't suitable for him on a busy Saturday, combined with the usual stress to poor parent of having to get child undressed dressed and possibly self dressed and undressed too (we were lucky our swimming pool allowed parents to stand by poolside fully clothed when kids went in as it was very shallow kids pool)

Its fantastic that your son enjoys his bike and scooter. Maybe even in the winter there can be a place you could take him for bike rides away from too many judgemental people? I think even on a wet cold day it is worth just getting out, possibly to same place over and over, familiarity does help with some activities and cuts down the anxiety and defiance that goes with it. Simple things like snacks and crisps and sucking drinks can calm slightly all over the place 7 year olds in a public place. One of our issues with ds2 was toileting, he had very little awareness so would suddenly need to go when a place with no immediate access to loo - this was very stressful for us and made me feel very "nightmare" - looking back there was a lot of hanging on and acting out because of this, so might be another thing worth thinking through in advance.

Social stories also helped us with transitions, talking about things before we did them, planning them quite explicitly, making contingency plans, making things easy for the adults so they were less stressed and able to cope better with inevitable meltdown (ie ready meals, cafe food, instant snack lunches)

Dancing at home is another thing my children enjoyed, and was helpful on cold winter afternoons. Sleeping bags, baths in afternoon are other ideas. Out of Synch Child has Fun has a good many ideas.

flapjackfairy Sun 27-Nov-16 11:24:35

I have a son with aspergers who is grown up now but i remember so well the embarrassment you are expressing and the many days out which were ruined by meltdowns. Sometimes it is easier to stay in but as you have discovered that has its own stresses.
I second getting out to run some energy off every day. Invest in good all weather coats and trousers and brave the elements.
Aldi have their ski wear in which is cheap and perfect for even the coldest days at the moment if that helps.
Try and take it one day at a time and schedule some time in the day for you to relax and do what you want.
Have you got any friends who can pop in for a coffee and a chat or just a phonecall? It all helps survive the day.
And find other families with similar kids so that you can talk to people who really understand and get it.
Really it is v hard work so dont be hard on yourself. Other parents will never know how hard it can be so dont let their judgements affect you if you can . Good luck x

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