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To think that no educational setting is a good fit for my son?

(16 Posts)
Frogandbear Mon 21-Nov-16 14:21:10

Sorry if this is a rant but I've been thinking about this a lot lately and wanted some other opinions.

Bit of background - DS is 3, was diagnosed with asd a few months ago. He is just gorgeous grin. His main issues are lack of speech and interaction, other than that wink he is affectionate and easygoing for the most part.

Right, now onto what I wanted to talk about. DS started at a private nursery in September, part time. We are still waiting for his funding to start for a 1-1, however on the whole they have accommodated him and made time to do some 1-1 with him. He hasn't learnt anything there though - all his learning happens at home.

My biggest issue is on collection they provide very detailed feedback everyday. Whilst other parents are hearing what a wonderful painting their DC has done, etc, I get a long list reeled off of how DS didn't want to go outside, almost bit them, etc, etc. sad They make a big deal of every tiny thing DS does and say that they will need to speak to the LA or management about it.

I end up crying in the car home almost everyday. sad

I have been worrying about next year when he starts school. I just cannot see how anywhere will be a good fit for him. We found a wonderful ms primary but it is huge and i don't see how DS will learn anything. We have no specialist schools nearby (only one that starts at 8).

The LA wrote a very damning report after observing him for an hour, saying that he was the developmental equivalent of a 6-12 month old, despite the fact that he knows his colours, letters, numbers, can match, sort, do 24pc puzzles. hmm

It is exhausting fighting his corner for people who just don't 'get' him.

I have been considering trying part time reception and if it's a waste of time like pre-school has been then I will home educate him until he can enter a specialist school in junior school. I don't know whether this is fair on him though, and I know that family will certainly disagree with the decision. confused

Sorry for the rant...just feeling fed up and at a complete loss....

Ineedmorepatience Mon 21-Nov-16 15:33:44

He will need an EHCP by the sound of it whatever happens!

So I know its sad to read all the negative stuff about it but you can use it to help you.

Speak to the SENCO or the early yrs advisor that the nursery must be working with and tell them you want them to request an EHC needs assessment!

If they say no do it your self, we can help you and the IPSEA website too.

Even if you end up home edding you still need a plan incase something happens and you need to put him into school. Its a legal document and it could be the difference between him being in school with the correct support or not.

He is still little, so pace yourself. You are going to need to advocate for him so he needs you to be strong. Seriously this is the best place to get support. There are some decent facebook groups too.

Good luck flowers

Frogandbear Mon 21-Nov-16 15:40:00

Thanks, Ineed. I should add that we're in the process of applying for an EHCP. It's just not knowing what is the best fit educationally...

Ineedmorepatience Mon 21-Nov-16 15:46:25

Great news about the EHCP! If at any stage of the process you are told you cant have one or they wont assess make sure you appeal! Most people are successful after appeals and the LA's seem to use it as a way to filter people out!

I am in a similar dilemma to be honest but Dd3 is 14, she has been home ed for yr 8 and will continue to be for yr 9 but we had always intended to find a setting for her for yr 10+.

Now we know more about home ed we are feeling less inclined to just "stick her back in the system" as it were. We are currently looking at very specialised provisions which seem on paper to be massive over kill but on visiting one seemed a perfect fit for her. We are also exploring personal budgets attached to EHCP's.

I doubt we will ever put her back into the system full time and even part time will involve a fight with our LA because it will be expensive.

Hey ho, there are solutions out there, its finding them that is tricky.

smile

zzzzz Mon 21-Nov-16 16:25:02

He sounds very like my DS at 3. There ARE schools that can fit and DS is a happy y7 now at SS. smile
We had the same endless negativity at pick up (in fact it was one of the contributing factors to me HEing him for 3 years).
He went back into primary in y5 and was fantastically supported and part of everything. It was magical.
Why not do a bit of reception and see how he likes it? If he doesn't it will give you time to plan, if he does you can keep going.

Fairylea Mon 21-Nov-16 16:38:35

Are you sure there are no specialist schools that might be suitable within a 28 mile radius? I say that because our local authority will consider transport / petrol costs to any schools within that area if you can argue they will be the right school. Obviously some areas are different.

I have a friend who is adamant that there are no special schools suitable for her son. There is but it would be a 17 mile journey. Personally I believe it's better to spend an hour travelling to somewhere each day and back and spend 6 hours in the right place rather than spend 10 mins travelling to somewhere which is 6 hours of hell.

Not sure if that applies anyhow but just thought I'd mention it ....

The school ds aged 4.5 is starting at next September (hopefully!) is 25 miles away. He will have transport 3 days and I will drive 2.

lottieandmia Mon 21-Nov-16 18:40:58

Have you thought about using ABA? My daughter was diagnosed at 2 and she was a very hard to reach child. I fought to get ABA into her statement because I knew she would never learn in any classroom setting at that time.

She's 14 now and she learned a lot of skills via ABA but she still can't learn unless she has an individualised timetable. And she is part of a class of only 3 students in a specialised school.

Your first step is certainly to get a EHC plan and to get the provision you want detailed in it.

Msqueen33 Mon 21-Nov-16 21:03:02

My dd starts school next year and I'm not sure how she will cope. She's preverbal. My middle dd also has autism and I never thought I'd get her into school but she's doing well with ft 1:1. We will go ahead and send my dd to the mainstream primary that her siblings go to as there is no specialist provision locally. My advice see how it goes. My middle dd was on a reduced timetable (schools choice not mine as they were difficult) but there are options. We're applying for an ehcp aswell. Her nursery use to be like you describe and we moved her and she's settled. She had a meltdown today where she stripped off and they weren't phased at all.

brightbelle Tue 22-Nov-16 09:33:49

Hiya I don't have much to advise but just want to say I'm in a similar situation. Your ds sounds a lot like my dd and she's going to reception next year. I have been looking around and have been let down by the SENCOs' attitudes in a lot of the schools and while her current preschool is fab in supporting her it's indie and I'm concerned about the level of support they can give in the long term. I still don't know where to put her next but will apply for a place in state MS and make a decision nearer the time.

One thing I wonder is why do you think your ds is not learning anything at preschool now? If they make time for 1:1 I would think you can see progress. Could it be that the staff are not clued up on your ds's needs or techniques to support him? also there may be things that your ds has learnt but may not necessarily show you, like lining up, sitting/engaging in circle time/turn taking activities?

Anyway good luck (to myself too!) flowers

Msqueen33 Tue 22-Nov-16 09:41:55

Brightbelle, hard isn't it. I can see next year a few of us might need a hand hold.

Frogandbear Tue 22-Nov-16 09:50:59

Thank you so much everyone for your replies - definitely makes me feel like I'm not alone in feeling this way smile.

He probably has learnt things like sitting for story time, etc, but I always feel like he's always on the sidelines and just 'there' for the sake of it. sad

I feel like I change my mind on education every week (every day smile). I've looked at every option under the sun....ms primary, ms primary with unit, indie pre-prep school, montessori, home education, part time school, flexi-schooling, and the list goes on grin

Like I said I (think) I have found a wonderful Senco at a lovely but large ms primary school, so will be putting that as my first choice. I wish this school had a nursery attached but it doesn't sadly.

I know that the decisions we make now don't have to be forever, we'll just take each year as it comes. At the moment I am very much just planning on getting through the next few years, whether that be at ms or home ed, and teaching him as many skills as possible. Then we will most likely look at a specialist school later on. Although I have heard that it is extremely tough to convince the LA that this is the best option. hmm

We should start a school starters 2017 thread smile - heck, we should start our own little school grin

Frogandbear Tue 22-Nov-16 09:51:47

Forgot to ask - for those of you with DC starting school next year, will they be going full time or part time?

Msqueen33 Tue 22-Nov-16 10:03:37

Our options are limited. Limited Sen schools around here and we will apply for what I think is probably the best mainstream.

We will need ft 1:1 but I suspect the school again will force us into pt. We will see what she's like next year to how we approach it.

Good idea on the school thread tho. I'm happy to start one.

WellTidy Tue 22-Nov-16 14:29:11

I was in a very similar sounding position to you about a year ago. Ds2 was 3.6yo then, recently diagnosed with ASD, had no spoken language (he was using PECS) and developmental delays.

Fast forward a year. We've deferred him starting reception becUse we didn't feel he was ready. The LA agreed to this as he is summer term born. He still attends his mainstream pre school, which is a wonderful setting, and he still has his state funded one to one worker with him there, and she is a godsend. We've been running an ABA programme for just over a year, so he does that at the times that he isn't in pre school.

This time last year, I couldn't have contemplated sending him to primary. And I really didn't want a SEN unit for him as I don't rate the ones in our borough. Now, he has spoken language, which is great, but his language is disordered. He has come in loads through ABA, but he is still developmentally delayed. He is now toilet trained.

I've spent the last six weeks looking at SEN units and mainstream schools. This time last year, so at the age that your child is, I couldn't have contemplated a mainstream, even with the one to one support that he's will have through his EHCP (being revised at present).

So I wanted to say two things: have you contemplated deferring him, and please don't think that things won't move on. They will. Maybe not in the direction that other children might, but things do change. What might not be possible now, might be possible by the time he is to start school.

Good luck. It's time consuming and tiring, I know.

originalusernamefail Tue 22-Nov-16 20:49:50

Please can I join this thread? My DS is 3.2 and pre-verbal. We got his diagnosis of ASD today. He sounds very much like your son OP, pre-school say he is very logical and dexterous but currently assessing as 8-12mnths developmentally.

Frogandbear Tue 22-Nov-16 21:38:03

For anyone who has replied to this thread and might be interested - I have started a 'starting school 2017 support' thread.

Come for a a brew and cake. We can chat, rant, cry and ask questions grin.

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