ASD and anxiety

[Iamthecatsmother]

Hi, this is complicated so sorry in advance.

DS is 12, he has HFA. He has a statement, 20 hrs a week. He's a very anxious boy, severe anxiety. He will cower in fear. He's not violent at all. Up until year 5 he was in a really high achieving school. He's bright but the school really only wanted his funding.he was bullied and school did nothing. It was his fault, always.

We moved about 18 months ago with DH's job. We moved to a rural area in catchment for a small secondary school with a good pastoral record. DS went to a small primary school for year 6 which he loved. He really came out of his shell and had fab teachers. It was an oasis for him.

So now he's started secondary school. It's been difficult. I knew it would be. He's been bullied already, kids videoing him, trying to make him look stupid and then posting it online, amongst other things. I reported it and went to see the Head. He dealt with it straight away. I think it's stopped but I'm not sure as DS bottles things up, he always has done.

I emailed his keyworker a few times over various things. Her last response was to tell me to butt out. Needless to say, I was highly offended by this and as a result we have no dialogue at all. I know nothing of what is going on on school. I've now noticed that DS has several bite marks on his arms. These are self inflicted, he has admitted this. I don't know why he has done this and neither does he.

I'm worried about him but it's nothing I can put my finger on. I can't speak to the keyworker after what she said and I want him to be independent. Also I know this is secondary school, it's a whole new ball game now. I'm not sure how much input I should have with school. I don't want to be an over anxious parent. But he IS vulnerable.

I don't really know what I'm asking tbh. My mum died years ago so as DH works long hours I cope alone. I have no support so I'm seeking the wisdom of mumsnet

[Moon05]

My DD also has asd and started secondary in Sept. She is also very anxious and is actually barely going in at the moment. I am in daily contact with members of staff and they are very helpful making lots of adjustments for her. (Still having a nightmare trying to get her in but that's another story.) So I agree that you should hassle them as much as necessary to get what your son needs - including a key worker who will work with you.

[overwhelmed34]

I would definitely forward your correspondence with the key worker to the head. I don't know how you are supposed to manage without lots of open communication with the school. Ridiculous (her, not you).

[CocoaX]

Agree a new key worker needed!

Has your DS used any kind of sensation seeking behaviour as a calming mechanism before?

[MrsSam]

Completely agree with contacting the head and requesting a new key worker!

DD1 and DS3are in secondary school, DS3 started last year, and I am constantly checking in with the heads of year and the head of student support (used to be SENCO) and not once have I been made to feel I am overstepping. I am always reassured by what they have to say and any issues are dealt with swiftly and I am given feedback on whatever the matter happens to be.

This is your child and you should be made to feel as if he is being well cared for and looked after whilst at school. Unbelievable attitude!

[Iamthecatsmother]

Thank you for replies. The keyworker has made me feel like a fool. DS had a massive meltdown this evening and whilst at hockey with DS this evening I have learned from another dad that DS is being teased at school and his DS is trying to support my DS. I'm fuming, how am I suppose 'work in partnership with school' as they put it, when his keyworker won't work with me

[youarenotkiddingme]

Totally agree with above.

My DS is same age, dx and presentation. I had exactly the same being told to butt out. Ds got worse.

He ended up moving schools which o was totally against but it's turned out to be the best thing for him and me.

I had to let go of the "school should be meeting his needs" mindset and go with "who will meet DS needs" mindset.