Rubbish Mum :-(

(13 Posts)
Blossom4538 Sat 22-Oct-16 11:56:19

Sometimes I just feel like being selfish and can't cope with the worry and stress. I've been tired and tearful today. After her activity out this morning I have been tearful and taken myself off to bed and doing research on our home improvement stuff.

Daddy is with her. Feel like the worst Mum.
Can't face the party we are supposed to be going to later, but it's one I feel she can't miss. She's been having lots of meltdowns and tiredness and will want to go but will also find it hard. Daddy could take her but I know it would be best for me to go to meet other Mums. Some days I feel strong and sociable, like I can take on the world and get though any thing. Others, I feel tearful and want to shut myself away.

Rubbish Mum :-( I'm just exhausted after 4 years mostly of stress and worry. But I know people have much tougher things to deal with.

OP’s posts: |
Ilovehedgehogs Sat 22-Oct-16 11:58:24

You are allowed to take time out for you, it's mentally (and physically) exhausting. You need a break to charge up again, please don't be so hard on yourself.

MrsSam Sat 22-Oct-16 12:09:45

Rubbish mum?? I think you will find the more precise term would be 'perfectly normal mum'! No matter what we as mums have to deal with and how well we cope there will always be times when we feel like the worst mums in the entire world! And when we feel like we have let our children down in the worst possible way and are horrendous horrible beings who haven't seen a hair brush in two days, couldn't lay our hands on our make up bags if our lives depended on it and are wondering if we remembered to brush our teeth before leaving the house, a super mum will appear dressed like a vogue photo shoot and with children who seem to be wearing tennis whites and are impeccably behaved. It's an illusion!

Shutting yourself away and focusing on something else is a good thing, everyone needs and deserves a break. Don't be so hard on yourself, there are plenty of mums out there who have a child with no extra needs who feel they can't cope or are bad mums, you are dealing with a whole head full of extra stress and worry. Don't force yourself to go to the party if you don't feel up to it, or perhaps you could both go? If daddy takes her and you have a break it's ok. You are important too, you are a person just like everyone else and you don't have to give up who you are and every second of your day to be a good mum!

Home improvement sounds great, I hope it is fabulous! smile

Blossom4538 Sat 22-Oct-16 12:09:57

Sometimes I can't cope with socialising at parties when I feel like this. I feel so selfish. Today will be some new Mums I haven't met with SN children so quite important. I look a mess where I've been so tired and tearful. So stressed recently.

Thinking of sending husband and perhaps arranging a meet up soon, perhaps play date at park and a coffee catch up without the kids.

Feel really rubbish!

OP’s posts: |
Blossom4538 Sat 22-Oct-16 12:14:13

I also feel as though other Mums judge when I am not there and Daddy is. However, LOADS of Daddy's locally at our school turn up at the parties. I feel we are under a magnifying glass however, due to little ones difficulties.

OP’s posts: |
MrsSam Sat 22-Oct-16 12:33:42

I was a mum when I was 18. I looked about 14. I felt everyone looked at me and judged me because I was a young mum and it was hard. I know now that some people were doing just that and some I imagined. Now I don't care what people say or think. They don't know, they don't understand and they do not live my life.

Today you are feeling particularly down and everything is so much worse on days like this. I am so sorry you feel under a microscope, it's hard enough to cope when you don't feel watched. What are your little Ones problems?

Blossom4538 Sat 22-Oct-16 12:49:23

She has various struggles and is going through assessment for ASD, ADHD, OCD, Anxiety. She is coping quite well at school but we deal with the fallout.

Think past couple of years particularly have just built up a little and I feel up and down. Sometimes i feel proud and that I am the best Mum I can be at supporting our little one, even Ed Psych said we are doing a good job. Others I feel utterly useless, emotional and generally rubbish. I just can't face anything.

OP’s posts: |
MrsSam Sat 22-Oct-16 13:53:23

So on those days take a day off! I know it's not as cut and dried as that but just do what you can on those days and everyone else's expectations or needs outside your house can wait. It's a hard process to go through, I think the assessments is worse than any problem there may be, it's so stressful! I am sure you are doing great, but it's ok to have days when you don't feel able to cope and it's definitely ok to be selfish once in a while! Your idea of selfish is probably what a lot of mums take for granted.

zzzzz Sat 22-Oct-16 14:26:02

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Blossom4538 Sat 22-Oct-16 14:52:16

Thank u all so much :-)

OP’s posts: |
Blossom4538 Sat 22-Oct-16 15:08:30

😆😆 Haha, thanks zzzzz, doing just that!! Also, after two weeks of healthy eating and losing half a stone - treat of tea and cake!

OP’s posts: |
Msqueen33 Sat 22-Oct-16 15:13:17

Hugs. I frequently feel like a rubbish parent. I've got three kids and two have autism. I barely socialise, in exhausted and feel I don't do enough essentially as youngest is non verbal. I see and hear a lot of nt parents complaining they're knackered. But you're doing your best. I found that lowering what I expect of myself has helped. Take time out for yourself. Don't let your well run dry x

youarenotkiddingme Sat 22-Oct-16 15:34:00

Your not a rubbish mum. A rubbish parent wouldn't worry if they were good enough.

You are allowed time to yourself - and you need it. I'm a LP and have not some breaking points at times because I had and felt I had to do it all.
Believe me - it's not worth it.


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