ASD and puberty

[Pinkballoongirl]

Hello, I'm really struggling at the moment. My DS is 12. He has a diagnosis of ASD, apparently high functioning. He's in ms school and has 20 hrs support a week at school.

He finds change very hard and I am doing my best to help him. He spent seven years at a primary school where he was bullied. We moved with DHs job and he moved school. The last year of primary was fantastic.

He just started secondary school and is finding the chance hard which I had anticipated. He is also going through puberty now. He hates the changes to his body and is upset by them. I've tried to reassure him that it's a good thing. I've taken him to the GP because of his anxiety who tried to reassure him as well. It seems as if he really doesn't want to grow up. I've told him that Santa isn't real, neither is the tooth fairy. But he can't cope with it and says 'I understand but can we just pretend it's real?'

I don't know what to do to help him. He's a bright boy and the school he's at has good pastoral record. That said they're putting pressure on him to walk by himself to school ( up until now been dropping him off in the car as its on my way to taking DD to school) I've tried o get him to walk for the last two days but he can't cope with and has had a meltdown. I just don't know what to do.

Relevant or not, I don't know but I have depression also which clouds my judgement. I know this. I'm on medication and it was very bad about four years ago. I have absolutely no support at all. DH works long hours and my mum died years ago. I really struggling.

[BertPuttocks]

I don't understand why they're pushing for him to walk to school. Every day I see literally hundreds of secondary school pupils going to school by car. I would save that particular battle for another time, and even then only if it's something that you feel is important.

I would just play along with the Father Christmas/Tooth Fairy thing. Familiar things like this may help him feel a little more secure when he's going through so many changes.

[knittingwithnettles]

Ds2 struggled with puberty because he felt ugly. He detested the signs of puberty in his elder brother - body hair etc. After a bit he began to realise that puberty was making him tall and handsome! He became prouder and more confident. We talked through it a lot and discussed fitness and confidence/independence being part of growing up, yet how independence was a slow process. Ds was very worried about the idea that he might have to pay bills and organise his own accommodation when he grew up, honestly it was a real source of anxiety for him which I had no idea about, ditto how he was ever going to find someone to marry. Aged 12. I said these things could wait till he was nearer 18.

Also second not worrying about the dropping off by car at this stage. Those skills can develop later when he has other coping mechanisms. We built up ds's ability to travel by public transport, based round his enjoyment of trains. But we didn't initially try and mix it in with school day. Now he gets himself confidently around by himself, aged 14.

Another strange thing, ds has always refused to have a mobile phone, as he said he couldn't cope with all the buttons and he might lose it. I suspect it was another thing he associated with horrible teens. But he now has an ipod, and I suspect the mobile will follow soon.

[Pinkballoongirl]

Thank you for your valued comments, school have made me feel quite inadequate, I don't feel quite so useless now. I don't understand the thing about getting to school and I resent the interference. I know he'll do it when he's ready. He's still struggling with crossing the road safely and. I've been trying to actively teach him this skill since he was 6!!!

As for Santa and co, I'm quite happy to play along with him.

Poster - Thanks for the link on puberty and autism xx

[ouryve]

The transport to school is a non-issue. Walking isn't a option for teens where I live, since the nearest secondary is 4-5 miles away and they're all bussed in. School can fuck off, on that one.

Playing along, pretending Santa is real is no biggie. Maybe make your own traditions which give him the same sort of comfort. He might just genuinely believe he won't get presents with no Santa.

DS1 is also 12 and a scarily long way through puberty already He's even got a few whispy little hairs on his chest, which is more than his dad has, there! If you mentioned anything to do with puberty, 2 years ago, he was horrified. He hated the idea of thick hair growing anywhere but on his head. The breakthrough there was when he commented that he had a better moustache than me now . He's grown to love his deep, booming voice, particularly when he uses it to grunt and growl at his annoying little brother. He was amused this evening because it doesn't seem 2 minutes since he was up to his grandma's chin, and now she's only just up to his! I can only just reach the top of his head to help him dry his hair, so he hatches all sorts of means for me to be able to reach more easily (doesn't occur to him to do it himself!) and we're sort of panicking because he's now the biggest size that anyone does in acceptable rip tape shoes and he can't be doing with laces of any sort!

The only downside for him is that he's finding his willy an even bigger nuisance than it used to be. That thing really annoys him!

[MrsSam]

My boy will be 13 on Saturday, has a diagnosis of ADHD and is currently going for his second SCAP assessment cycle for diagnosis of ASD, the school, myself and his consultant are agreed on the ASD but the formal diagnosis needs to come from the SCAP. He cannot walk outside alone, has no road sense what so ever and doesn't have the capacity to identify any dangerous situation. The school (also attended by his older sister) is ten minutes walk away and requires the crossing of two roads, one with a pelican crossing and one with a lollipop man. Despite this, he is taken to school by car and walks home accompanied by his elder sister and I meet them at the end of the path to cross the road. The school are very supportive of my boys needs and accept that his safety is paramount. The school have no right to make you feel inadequate and quite frankly should be reminded of their duty of care! Do not be pushed in to doing anything you think is not right for your child, I am sure every mum has done this at one time because they felt they had to conform and it's not right.

Puberty hasn't even knocked on our door for my boy yet, it seems he is 'delayed' as he is very small and under weight. However, with regard to the santa and tooth fairy etc, my boy likes to believe (he knows the truth, just likes to keep things magic) and so that's the way we play it, from our eldest who is 19 to our youngest who is 2 we all 'believe' and keep the magic, if it makes things easier to handle for my your DS then just go with it.

[Ouryve]

Too fiddly for him, zzzzz. He had some shoes with lock laces and struggled with getting his feet into them.

The daft thing is, he would probably find proper laces easier as he's good at tying knots, but he refuses to even consider them. Summer has been easy enough with slip on pumps, but I can't find any waterproof and supportive which meets his exacting aesthetic demands and which I wouldn't cry about if he filled them with swamp.

[PickAChew]

He likes the look of the greepers 😎