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Coping while we wait for a diagnosis

(5 Posts)
thelastwingedthing Mon 03-Oct-16 11:55:07

I'm waiting for an appointment to have my youngest DD (8) assessed for ADHD/ODD/whatever the psychologist finds. It's likely to be a couple of months away. In the meantime I have this emotional, confrontational, scatty child to deal with and no clear idea how.

Sometimes i can reason with her, and five minutes later I'll find myself facing a screaming, belligerent creature. Five minutes after that she's all sunshine and cuddles. She's very forgetful, but when presented with evidence that she's misremembered a fact or misplaced something herself, she flies into full denial mode, which usually involves screaming at anyone who disagrees with her. She goes out of her way to pick fights with her sisters. If they do anything to her she holds grudges like no one else I've met. Her room is a perpetual disaster zone. Activities go unfinished, board games end up strewn over her floor without being played, things get lost and broken. Anything challenging or requiring focussed attention leads to either a frustrated tantrum or her just walking away from it. If I try to take her anywhere she spends the time popping up and down like a jack in the box. Getting her to sleep usually involves two hours of repeatedly sending her back to bed.

She's very bright and finding schoolwork intuitive and easy so far. She turns on the charm for her teacher, who thinks she's cute, so as far as her teacher is concerned my DD doesn't have any problems at all. The only sign the teacher will acknowledge is that she never shuts up and has to articulate every single thought she has.

When she's home we live in a war zone. Normal parenting doesn't seem to work with her. I'm on my own with the children and feeling close to the end of my tether with her. The other children are getting very short with her because she's completely unreasonable for so much of the time and making their lives difficult.

I don't know how to manage her. Someone help, please!

2gorgeousboys Mon 03-Oct-16 19:20:19

Hi I don't have any answers by t wanted to sympathise as I could have written your post about DS2 who's 12. School don't see a problem other than he's difficult to get motivated and doesn't focus. They don't see that I have to stand over him whilst he packs his bag every day, text him to remind him daily about after school activities etc.

Other people also don't see the war zone we have at home and draining, relentlessness of it all.

So no answers I'm sorry but lots of sympathy.

thelastwingedthing Tue 04-Oct-16 04:34:31

It's exhausting, isn't it! A peaceful household would be lovely sad

I've been reading other people's threads since posting this one, and we're obviously not alone in having this sort of problem. I haven't found any answers though, and I don't know if getting a diagnosis will actually help in any practical sense.

Gritting my teeth and plugging on...

imip Tue 04-Oct-16 06:59:55

Yes, this could describe my dd quite well. She has ASD, but I'd describe it also as PDA (which is a condition not diagnosed in my borough). About 9ish months before we received her diagnosis we tried a few PDA techniques eg, not 'get dressed for school now', but, 'would you like me to get you a dress or a pinafore now'. It did alleviate some of the pressure. Now we used a timetable, and it's served to help us more. Not perfect every time, but it allows her to have independence, control her own agenda more in the morning. I still have to do the uniform trick, but it helps.

Belligerent has been the word I've used to describe dd since she was 3, such a sad word to use with your child, isn't it? She has 3 sisters and is constantly at war. Particularly hating one with vengeance sad.

Activities going unfinished is also dd. So much so that I managed to get the psych to do a congestive assessment as I was really sure she had some type of processing/working memory issue. Low and behold it is higher than average!

Yes, room a war zone. She has Ocd like behaviours, but that's more in collecting and hoarding than being clean.

I feel your pain....

thelastwingedthing Fri 14-Oct-16 14:21:34

What a day...

I started a new job today. Getting there on time means dropping the children off at school about half an hour earlier than usual. I've spent the last 3 days prepping them for the earlier morning - earlier bedtimes, earlier wakings, getting them to organise their uniforms and lunches the night before, firm explanations of my expectations re: getting up when the alarm goes off.

I won't go into the sordid details of how DD3 delayed at every step and made me 15 minutes for my first day of work, but I need some way to get her moving in the morning, otherwise I'm going to lose my job. I don't think it was deliberate sabotage, just her usual time-blindness and forgetfulness on top of it (and the shouting and screaming that happens when she's told that she's forgotten something).

I've looked at PDA techniques but they're not going to work when I'm trying to get three children out the door on a tight schedule. I've tried timetables, but they don't work with her. She'll look at them, set off with the best intentions, and get distracted by something else on her way to do the task. All her school gear was laid out ready to go this morning, and chosen by her the night before. Short of physically putting her in the car in her PJs, I don't know what else to do.

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