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Autism Mum feeling lonely! 😭

(14 Posts)
Shootingstar2289 Sun 02-Oct-16 20:43:06

Hi, I am a Mum of two. A five year old with Autism and one year old daughter.

Does anyone else feel really lonely? I have an amazing husband but he works long hours and by the time he gets home, he helps me bathe the kids and put them to bed then we are so tired ourselves.

I have never had a huge amount of friends. But even less now. They just don't understand why my son is different. I don't even seem to get invited to adult only gatherings.

My sons dad (my ex) and his mother don't believe my son has Autism. It makes me feel like a fail. Do they believe I caused it? I am a great Mother. My ex likes the idea of this perfect son who will go fishing etc with him. My son isn't interested and you can't force him to be.

My Mil is also very critical of me. I am a good mum and she knows I am. But every thing from what I feed the kids to what my house looks like I get criticised for. If it's looking clean and tidy she asks if I'm spending enough time with the kids. Of course I am!! Or if it's untidy I am lazy! I can't win. She also doesn't believe my son has Autism and gives the impression that she thinks she could do a better looking after him than I do.

My mother is always busy. She had two children herself, works, looks after my grandparents and visiting her friends. It's always flying visits. And often I ring for a chat but she's also got five other conversations going on in the background and she doesn't listen.

The only person I feel I can speak to is my sons TA, which is great. But I feel like I'm annoying her.

I am thinking of joining a support group for Autism parents. Is this a good idea? I live in the middle of nowhere and my nearest group is 15 miles away but may be worth it I guess.

Shootingstar2289 Sun 02-Oct-16 20:43:38

Didn't realise how long that was! Sorry for a long post. ^

coffeemaker5 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:17:07

I can relate. 2 DC (one with severe ASD u learning diffs). All friends with NT children cut me off. without exception. I found this the hardest. my family is living abroad and DH's day doesn't like me so we avoid each other and they don't help with the kids in any case. I cannot go to support groups as they are all during the day when I work. my only contact is work. it's a bit shit but I got really used to the sheer loneliness... I know that other mums made great friends in local support groups. If you can attend those then I would give this a try.

Shootingstar2289 Sun 02-Oct-16 21:28:52

Thank you coffeemaker5. I think I'm just having an emotional evening and will feel better tomorrow. I am not a hugely sociable person myself as it is and I do like my own company. But it's the lack of understanding others have which gets to me the most. I feel like they are talking about me behind my back. I don't really feel close to any of my family members anymore! 😧

Cakescakescakes Sun 02-Oct-16 21:32:09

It can be incredibly isolating. These boards are great but there is nothing like meeting in real life with people who understand what you're going through. I've had friends who just kept trying to minimise how difficult things were for us ('sure all kids do that sometimes' etc etc) and I've faded them out. I have only a very small number of people that I see socially now but crucially they know and love my DC and understand why I need to do things a certain way etc.

Cakescakescakes Sun 02-Oct-16 21:32:31

And my family can be among the worst offenders!

Usernamealreadyexists Mon 03-Oct-16 14:08:29

Ahhh I'm with you on this one. 5 year old ds has HFA and is struggling in MS school. I managed to meet a mum with a child with additional needs and we are setting up a support group for parents like us. We've had a good response. There will be a FB page but we are organising a coffee morning in London in November. I also started volunteering yesterday and met some wonderful people. I think I've been isolated and depressed for a long time and it feels good to start making positive changes.

Msqueen33 Mon 03-Oct-16 19:32:14

Me, me, me!

I have three kids and two have asd. One of the two also has ADHD and sensory processing. My friends don't get it. They don't understand nor seem inclined to listen when I need an ear but are happy to offload their problems. Which means I feel really lonely. I've yet to meet another parent at the school with a Sen child.

paulweller73Murielswedding Mon 03-Oct-16 21:51:08

I feel lonely and isolated too. My 8 year old with ASD has never had a party invite and all playdate invitations are turned down. I work fulltime and can't attend support groups. I'd love to meet other parents in our position. We're in SE London.

Cocoabutton Mon 03-Oct-16 22:01:15

Hello from me as well; single parent to two DC, one with HFA and sensory processing issues. Massively complex family circumstances so mostly just looking after children and work - I have forgotten what normal life is, really. It is quite strange, generally I am content, but it is hard to bridge the gap and make friends with other parents.

Usernamealreadyexists Tue 04-Oct-16 14:31:32

I'm happy to meet anyone in London.
Paulweller I have a friend in Greenwich in similar circumstances. I'll ask her if she wants to make contact.

paulweller73Murielswedding Tue 11-Oct-16 17:27:41

That would be great. Thank you.

youarenotkiddingme Wed 12-Oct-16 07:06:28

It can be lonely. My DS is older now (12) and whilst friends DCs are off out and about socialising he's with me at home and I'm still educating him on social norms.

But..... I joined the NAS local group. Ds accesses it once and a month and through it I've made a friend. She has a DS same age as mine with ASD.

So I'd say it's worth joining groups because it's worked for me but I know it's not for everyone.

2boysnamedR Wed 12-Oct-16 22:41:04

Yes to all of the above

Local NAS is good, if only to go along to coffee meet ups and sit in other people's company.

I have set a parents group at my sons school. It's a amazing feeling to feel like your not alone in these groups.

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