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Someone please help!(5 Posts)
I am the parent of a 10 year old boy who has ADHD, sensory processing disorder and emotional problems. He has always been aggressive, tells horrific lies and been very challenging. I was with his father for the first 3 years of his life and he left and moved in with another woman and contact has been minimal between them. This has been devastating for my son. I was on my own with my son for 4 years and it was hard but we had a good relationship.
3 years ago i met the man of my dreams and we are very much in love. He has two children and after 12 months he moved in with us and all was great. My son has slowly started wanting to have me to himself, he says i love my partner more than him and starts to be aggressive towards him and sometimes his children. This has gradually built to where my son started to make false allegations about my partner hitting him. None of them have been true at all but social care have been involved and its been traumatic. My son says he has hurt him but i don't believe him therefore i don't love him. Things finally came to a head last week, my son called the police and said my partner had punched him. My partner has left the home in fear he is going to lose contact with his own children as a result of this. I am dostraught, bit my partner is in bits and i fear may have a breakdown.
The police have dropped the investigation because my son told different versions of the story. My son is so angry and is saying he hates me and doesn't want me in his life and is.now with my mum. My son is saying he wants me to himself and will kill himself if i don't end the relationship with my partner. My partner is saying henever wants to see my son again. Ive got an emergency app with child.mental health next week.i pay for a private therapist for my son and he has social care involved due to his aggression.
My family are telling me i cant let my son control me and give into him and if that means he lives with my mum for good then so be it, otherwise he will try to control every aspect.of my life. But my son genuinely thinks.i love my partner more than him and i fear this will cause a lot of damage. My poor partner doesn't want to come between us but we love each other so much. Someone please help me!
I didn't want to read and run but for me my son is the most important thing in my life and if my son was this affected I think I would end my relationship for the sake of my son and his sanity to be honest, it's probably really hard. I would think of a serious relationship if any later down the line when my son has perhaps matured more and is more accepting. I've just read ur post again it's really really difficult I can only imagine but yeh I would stick with my son for sure.
I would really like to hear other ppls opinions on this at its a very tricky situation so bumping this for you..
I have limited advice but just to say this has probably nothing to do with being a blended family as accusations like this are relatively common among children with a PDA diagnosis whether step siblings and parents are involved or not. They are also likely to make accusations against other adults like teachers. Part of it is controlling behaviour to reduce their anxiety. Part of it is sensory issues so they might perceive an incident differently to the other participants. ds2 , for example, might say he has been assaulted when the reality is that he has been held to prevent him from attacking someone or damaging property in a meltdown or has been hit when in actual fact he has been guided by light touch. One thing we have been advised to do is to keep a diary of incidents so we can remind him of the antecedents to incidents like this and also to cover our backsides if he does repeat accusations to social services etc. I would definitely recommend googling PDA (I know this is not his diagnosis) and try and use some of the strategies suggested.
Thank you i will look into this, my son needs to have control of every single situation or he feels overwhelmed and out of control, so its a posibility.