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School report time - isolating times

(2 Posts)
Claennister Tue 23-Aug-16 08:51:50

My DD is nearly 10 and due to some issues at the back end of last year, they have just received their end of year reports. Yet again, as always, this is a horrible time. She is waiting for new referrals to come through, having been discharged from a load of services in P1 (Year R) for being too borderline. Because she is in a mainstream school and has no diagnosis, the pressure to perform comes from everywhere. The competitive parenting mums are all about showing off how far above average their little darlings are (doesn't that ignore the rules of "average" as a concept?). Relatives ring up and ask how she's doing at school and does she do [skill] and [ability]. And she's way off the pace. She used to be a touch below average, but the higher up school she goes the more the gap opens. I used to say I was pleased for her as school is the best possible fit for you if you are average, you aren't bored and you aren't struggling. But now she's struggling. She's "behind" academically and socially. She's behind the curve with all her physical skills too. We hardly like to say we're waiting for a diagnosis of anything because when it has not yet been confirmed by a doctor, everything you say is treated as suspect. It's treated as suspect enough when it is a diagnosed condition!

By the laws of maths, there must be hundreds of kids out there, the vast majority in fact, who are not 2 levels above their age and reading high school books. Are they all just lying? When the distant relatives come calling and asking how junior is doing at school, what do you say?

Melawati Tue 23-Aug-16 19:18:41

I tell the truth. But I go into more or less detail depending on who is asking. So distant relatives get a non-commital brush off and people who know more about our circumstances get more detail.
I do loathe competitive one-upmanship at report time, but I just try to stay out of it with a 'how nice for your DD you must be very proud' kind of a comment.
I am genuinely pleased for the achievements of friends and relatives and their children, of course, but that's a different thing from post-report bragging, gossip about reading levels etc.

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