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Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.

Some days I just can't cope!

(10 Posts)
Msqueen33 Sun 14-Aug-16 19:31:53

I have three kids. They're 7,6 and 3. Middle dd has asd, ADHD and sensory issues. The toddler years were in short hell! Before I knew that much about autism we fell pregnant with dd 3. Had I known autism was genetic we'd have stopped at two. She also has autism and a language disorder. I fell stressed all the time (I'm a sahm). She doesn't talk, refuses shoes, climbs high on counters. Is a nightmare to take out. My mother this week told me I need to "man up". I'm considering therapy and possibly anti depressants. Some days I want to walk out of my life. I know this may pass but the never talking scares the shit out of me. Frankly I'm tired. I'm sad I never really experienced a typical nt toddler (my eldest's was hijacked due to dd 2). I just want to read a book with her, take her out without crying. She also has an autoimmune condition which means she absolutely cannot eat certain things. I miss my daughter. The one who did twinkle twinkle with me, the one who when her elder asd sister was crying would find her comforter. I'm anger that every bloody person I know with an nt does not appreciate it. There woes though valid seem really really small.

Ineedmorepatience Sun 14-Aug-16 20:59:28

It sounds really tough Msqueen ! For going out do you have a buggy? We had a large 3 wheeler with a hood that Dd3 could hide in. I used it until she was 4.5 and I used reigns as well because she was a runner.

We took a packed lunch everywhere with us because of her food issues (not the same as special diets I know).

We used to go out for short bursts, I had a list of play areas and safe ish places I could take her. Going out early was better in the holidays before places got too busy.

If you are feeling really low go to the GP and talk to him/her.

Dont try to go out on days when you feel rubbish, stay at home and let them chill.

Try to be kind to yourself flowers

dietstartstmoz Sun 14-Aug-16 21:07:47

I saw your previous thread Msqueen, and you do have so much to deal with. You should go to your GP if you haven't already and tell them how you feel. I have two DC and my youngest has ASD and I completely get what you mean about the toddler years being hell. Ours were horrendous and for a very long time there was very little pleasure from DC2 and life was hell. Do you go to any SN playgroups? I did and made some real life friends and although we all have different challenges it certainly helps knowing I can text them and they just 'get'it and we also meet up sometimes, and occasionally in the pub! Life is still tough some days but all of our children will make progress and some thing will get easier. Does your child have SALT? Do you-could you use PECS or something similar to help with the lack of speech?
Please know you are not alone and go to talk to your GP. flowers

HaveYouSeenMyHat Sun 14-Aug-16 21:13:36

Sending a hug Msqueen.

It's really fucking hard sometimes. Life with my DD (4 and ASD) has been particularly challenging this last little while and I'm struggling with feeling very low at times. Like you say, I'm feeling tired and overwhelmingly sad.

I've got nothing to say to make you feel better except that you're not alone flowers.

Shootingstar2289 Mon 15-Aug-16 17:11:03

I have two children. Son aged 5 who had autism and a 1 year old daughter who is everywhere. I also have concerns about her development.

It's completely ok to feel overwhelmed. I do. Some days are great and other days I feel like curling up in a ball and crying. My OH works 12 hour shifts and we live in Cornwall. Everywhere is too busy during the summer to go out too fat. My son cannot cope in busy places.

My sons ta has told me I should go to some support groups. I am trying to pluck up the courage tbh.

May I ask when did your daughter show signs of Autism? What were the signs. My daughter seems more advanced than my son did. But she is 13 months and has no words. Not sure if this is normal. My son didn't speak until age four. She waves and claps but doesn't point. She also doesn't always response to her name but is very affectionate and loving.

As for your Mother. Ignore it. She doesn't understand.

My mother thinks she's an expert on Autism as her grandson has it. The truth is she doesn't have a clue when she only sees him for maybe three hours a week and never has him without me there. She thinks he will just grow out of it. My sons dad doesn't even believe he has Autism. people aye??

Good luck Hun. Maybe try look into some support groups? smile

Msqueen33 Mon 15-Aug-16 17:42:53

Thank you all.

Shooting star it's quite early for talking. My eldest is nt and didn't really talk until three none of them have been great pointers.

I just Find it tiring and isolating. Today we went shoe shopping. She hates shoes and would prefer not to wear them. She screamed the place down repeatedly. I've now brought her three pairs of shoes and hoping one will stick as she's going to preschool in a hall where she may get splinters.

Tomorrow we go on holiday and I'm exhausted.

notgivingin789 Fri 19-Aug-16 22:42:55

shooting I don't think you can really tell to be honest. Lack of eye contact, not pointing etc could indicate many things. I've spoken to quite a few parents whose kids don't have ASD but other types of special needs, didn't do eye contact well; wasn't pointing, lack of communication skills, delays and etc.

All you can do is help your child to reach her potienal, apply for an ECHP; get her into a school which supports her needs etc.

notgivingin789 Fri 19-Aug-16 22:56:01

im angry that every person with an NT child doesn't appreciate that.

Well people with children with severe physical disabilities could say the same thing about us with ASD kids, like at least our kids can walk (not that it's entirely right as some children with ASD are so rigid that they are virtually unable to walk, but you get my drift).

Don't look at what your daughter can do, look at what she can do. I recently heard news from a friend of ours that her DS doesn't have Autism, like the doctors said, but instead he has a life limiting conditioning and is essentially regressing day by day. That in itself opened my eyes. Yes DS does have a disability and yes it's so fucking hard and nackering, he may not live the life that I pictured him to do. But you know what... Who gives a fuck, is DS is happy then I will be too. DS is 6 now and his talking much more, at 3 he was a nightmare, but as his gotten older and his now at. School which is suitable for his needs, he is getting better. Instead of shouting and screeching like he used to do when he was much younger, his now using his words.

Talk to other parents with special needs and tell them how you are feeling. It will truly help you.

Msqueen33 Sat 20-Aug-16 00:02:28

Oh believe me I imagine what life could be like and I feel terrible when I think of people with very disabled kids, kids who have cancer, brain tumours etc but some days it's breaks my heart seeing people enjoying their kids. Don't get me I love mine to bits but I feel robbed of the moments that others have and I know comparison is the thief of joy but when we are on crying fit twenty seven and it's only 8am I could curl into a ball.

Notgivingin, my six year old also has asd and she was awful at 3. I know it may well pass and she might get better but the toddler years with my six yr old were hell and my reserves depleted and here I am again. It's so tiring and so so hard.

cansu Sat 20-Aug-16 06:19:21

I am in a similar situation and I understand how you feel. I have two with Asd. My ds in particular is hard to cope with. He now boards part time at school in the term time and this combined with anti depressants prevented me from walking away or drowning. I have also over the years pushed for respite and booked as many holiday clubs for SN as I possibly could. We have a local sat club on a monthly basis for children with Asd and they both go to this. I also have a good friend in a similar position who I met when my ds was being diagnosed. She has been a brilliant source of support, someone to moan to and also to just have some time off with. If you haven't met anyone who you click with who is in a similar situation, try the support groups and see if there is anyone there. I think it needs to be someone who you would like anyway IYSWIM. The holidays are the worse time I think if you have kids who find outings hard but who also find staying in hard too! My ds needs to go out but is also mega stressed about noise and busy places. It is pretty awful at times but I keep taking the pills and trying to take time off whenever I can.

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