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Trying to help a Friend (School related)

(14 Posts)
MrsWorryWart Fri 15-Jul-16 13:34:09

I have a Social Networking friend (who I feel) would benefit from seeing other points of view on this situation. She has an advocate on board, but I'm wondering if there's anything I can help her with, by getting advice of you knowledgeable lot. she won't ask herself for fear of outing herself or offending her advocate

Her DD currently goes to an Indi SS. However, since starting there the peer group has really changed and from September her DD is going into a class with much lower ability and non-verbal students, and from what she says, there isn't anyone her DD could have a chat with (as teenagers do). There are a couple of other issues but now she has seen the class list starting from September, she is clearly concerned.

It's probably not important, but her DH feels it's a real mistake to keep her there now not forgetting the other issues

Friend has been to another Indi School and identified it's suitability. However, and it's a big however the school is more expensive.

How do I support her and is there any other people on here who have been granted a more expensive Indi school, than the one they're currently at?

zzzzz Fri 15-Jul-16 15:12:58

Why has she been moved to this class?

Are all the children academically behind her?

What is the issue with the children who are non-verbal? Non verbal people come in all shapes and sizes, some very able and very good "friend material".

MrsWorryWart Fri 15-Jul-16 15:42:24

Apparently there are only about 7 children in that part of school from September, so they are putting them all together.

Friend has said that all the other children are behind her DD. Her DD is also behind (but I'm not sure of the reason). Her DH believes this will possibly be holding her back as she moans when given appropriate work that others are getting easier work.

There's no issues (there's other issues that need dealing with) with the non-verbal children. I wrote it out wrong.

I believe she has a lovely relationship with the lower ability students and really 'gets' them. However, there's nobody else in her class with the same ability - both educationally and conversation wise.

Friend feels that if they'd only just applied for that school, her DD wouldn't of got in - even just on the peer group issue.

zzzzz Fri 15-Jul-16 16:13:44

How do they know the ability of the other children? confused

MrsWorryWart Fri 15-Jul-16 16:30:37

Im purely going off what her and her DH have told me through messages and at events. Oh, and some info has come from her DD (she is apparently the only one in the class who will be able to tell her parents what happens in the day) as well as at their recent parents evening.

Friend and her DH seem to be quite surprised that this was an appropriate peer group, but I take it this is normal in specialist schools?

MrsWorryWart Fri 15-Jul-16 16:33:56

Sorry, that wasn't clear again!

The teacher told friend and her DH at parents evening some of this info.

zzzzz Fri 15-Jul-16 16:37:16

It sounds more like the other children look/act too disabled for the parents and they don't want to think of their child as "like that". I would be pretty horrified if ANY school revealed how able the other children in the class are.

How on earth could the child know what the other children could or could not tell their parents confused Talking is not a prerequisite for communication.

From what you have reported I would imagine both the child and the parents may be in for exactly the education they really need.

MrsWorryWart Fri 15-Jul-16 17:06:23

I would be very surprised if that was the case tbh. The children don't actually look disabled.

I can't really answer some parts of your reply as I only know the info that I've said so far.

Their DD has been there for a few years and initially had a completely different peer group.

I do appreciate your replies but you seem to have taken offence and think they need educating or are embarrassed about their DD, which is most definitely not the case from speaking to her and her very public updates/conversations.

I will report back that the advice she's been given is not appropriate and peer group & ability doesn't really matter.

Fairylea Fri 15-Jul-16 18:00:56

If they want to change the school they need to contact their ehcp co ordinator and ask for a change of placement. If there is an ehcp review due soon this could be done then - if they still insist on the original school they could fill in an appeal form and lodge and appeal, however they would need to justify the costings. Ipsea are very good at helping with this as are the sen action forum on Facebook.

However, generally appeals for placement changes are when parents are challenging a decision for mainstream or special - to change from one special school to another is quite difficult and they will really need to prove their case.

zzzzz Fri 15-Jul-16 18:02:45

Is that what I said?confused

Look I'm not sure what you are looking for? The school obviously feel the child fits better with this group than her previous group. Parents and child seem to be concerned that she won't fit in. I'm not sure how they have come to this conclusion but the info about some of the class being non-verbal seems incongruous.

MrsWorryWart Fri 15-Jul-16 18:28:19

Thank you, I will pass the info on.

It's not that their DD fits better to this new class. There's no other option than to stick them all altogether.

There are other issues surrounding suitability, which the parents are going to hopefully sort out directly with the school.

I've not long since spoke to friend and she's recently had an EP assessment and since starting this particular school their daughter's results have gone back in one area and only increased by a few months in other areas, so obviously they need to question that too. They're not sure this is normal so will obviously discuss with EP and school.

I guess they wanted to know if it was possible to do. And friend is wondering if being there has negatively impacted their DD's education. I will say that it's absolutely nothing to do with what you originally thought. They fight and live in the sen world 100% and that comes across in the things they do/say. She would be mortified if she thought that this post was coming across as how you took it.

zzzzz Fri 15-Jul-16 18:51:38

The easiest way for her to find out is to phone either school or LA and ask them. I don't think given your limited knowledge of the situation and our total lack of knowledge of the child/children concerned anyone can comment on the suitability of the class for this particular child. There is always a range of abilities in any class. Certainly I can assure you that non-verbal children can make good friends and be academically ahead of their peers (given the profound communication disorder many autistic people live with and the fact their intelligence spans the entire range, this is obvious).

MrsWorryWart Fri 15-Jul-16 19:22:45

I should imagine she would be adding that to her list of questions.

You are right, I'm not close enough to know the ins and outs. I'm presuming that because they know the children concerned, that is causing the concern.

I'm sure they would agree with you. Their DD seems to have a very sweet relationship with one of the non-verbal children in the class.

MrsWorryWart Wed 20-Jul-16 14:44:52

I just wanted to update, as people have kindly responded to my initial post.

Friend has spoke with school and they agreed and understood the points raised and are planning on putting various things in place

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