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Third child with possible SN - DLA

(26 Posts)
2boysnamedR Tue 05-Jul-16 15:54:56

I have four children. Ds2 has dyspraxia and Lang disorder, ds3 is autistic in a ASD school. Nursary was concerned about ds1 who is about to turn two. She been seen by pead and portage. Things aren't looking good.

When can you claim DLA from? Is it two? I think that's when I claimed for ds3. I don't want to think about what's wrong or even needing DLA but it's a two year wait for SLT and over two years for OT so if if she has got autism then the money would be handy for private therapy.

Can't belive this is happening. I think I need to start therapy as I can't see how I will cope. I didn't know my ds3 had SEN until I was past 30 weeks pregnant with ds1.

zzzzz Tue 05-Jul-16 16:05:21

My mind went bananas reading your post because I use ds1/2/3 based on their position in the family grin

The short answer is "it's easier to get the older the child is because the difference in needs is more pronounced", but if you can show you need to do more I think it's possible

2boysnamedR Tue 05-Jul-16 16:10:34

Ds1 is NT - well as NT as my kids get, ds2 is the dyspraxic tribunal one, ds3 has autism and my baby girl is dd1. Dd is hard to type after three sons.

I am so sad. Good job SS aren't around anymore as jumping off a bridge looks pretty appealing right now

zzzzz Tue 05-Jul-16 17:32:09

No bridge jumping. [stern]. You are going to have a lovely life because regardless of all this SN nonsense they are yours and lovely.
We all feel overwhelmed at times. Sometimes we just need someone else to say, you can.

2boysnamedR Tue 05-Jul-16 20:02:02

Everything was nice and calm. I was just feeling like a boring parent - not a Sen parent after many many years and now this.
Hopefully dd will talk soon. I can't face another round of silence.

youarenotkiddingme Wed 06-Jul-16 07:08:54


It's true that the older the child the easier it is to claim but where you have evidence of needs and a supporting statement it makes it easier.

coffeemachine Wed 06-Jul-16 07:33:55

I guess as a Dla oldie you know about the Cerebra guide?

its really about evidencing extra care and support needs and a 2 year old with (I guess) suspected ASD does need lots more help than a child without. I have done both and it thinking back it was astonishing how much easier things were with Dd2 (NT) as compared to Dd1 (ASD) even when they were only toddlers.

you are under paed and should be able to evidence things.

zzzzz Wed 06-Jul-16 07:41:59

I found quantifying the difference MUCH more challenging when ds was younger because of course ALL 2 year olds need constant supervision etc etc. Ds really isn't mildly effected, so in hindsight it should have been fairly straightforward.

Msqueen33 Wed 06-Jul-16 09:45:52

Big hugs. Two out of three of my girls have autism. Three year old also has a complex speech disorder and coeliac. Life at home is a riot. I put in for dla when she was two. Check with your council but if you can a good rate of dla from middle upwards it can help with nursery costs. The toddler years are a nightmare with asd. When people say the toddler years are hard with an nt child I'm tempted to laugh (sounds bitter doesn't it) but asd as made it so much harder. Doesn't help she's non verbal. Sending hugs 🍷 and 🍫 X

2boysnamedR Wed 06-Jul-16 12:49:59

Thanks. I'm going to phone my careers support today to see if they think it's worth claiming now or if I should wait.

I have no one to talk to. All the family are in denial about ds and he's 4.5 and non verbal! No one ever talks about it, it's totally bizarre.

Msqueen33 Wed 06-Jul-16 16:15:18

That must be really hard. My youngest is three and non verbal and that's hard enough but I can lean slightly on my mum (though it upsets her that two of the girls have autism). i read an interesting article on people that are sensory thinkers and communicate through their senses. That's really bizarre no one mentions it at all x

2boysnamedR Wed 06-Jul-16 16:42:37

It is. It's like a ten tone elephant in the room. Ds3 has extreme sensory issues, can't talk at all, isn't potty trained. We told the family via email (mil and BIL live abroad) FIL and mil ignored it and BIL said he's fine. Whatever, I don't have headspace that level of weird. So ds could be barrel rolling for 20 metres on a trip to legoland ( one of the very few places he is allowed out of his buggy - he's got a blue badge) and we just don't mention why even though it's not something they would ignore if it was anyone else confused along with the blue badge....
My mum is better but I'm pretty sure she has some serious emotional issues ( Apple - tree kind of thing)
It's just too much to bear some days.
If mil heard a friends child had ASD she is te type who would cry, say isn't it awful etc, posts about ASD on FB yet ds is invisible to her.
So I guess she will start politely ignoring dd soon.
I wonder if it's a selective thing and she would notice if I dyed my hair pink. Possibly not.

MeirAya Thu 07-Jul-16 22:26:55

Sorry it's feeling like Groundhog Day 2boys. sad

If it's anything like I was with ds2, the depression came more from the mental prospect of (constant long pointless) arguments with services, than the 'issues' themselves.

I would put the DLA application in now. You can get care component from infancy (from memory, it's 3 months old so they can say its been 'longterm'). Mobility high rate is from 3y and low rate is from 5y.

There'll be plenty of evidence providing nursery are happy to write something. It'll possibly only take a week or two for GP or HV to write to paediatrics, and you can enclose a copy of that letter too. Plus if you self refer her to SLT/OT, you can send off copies of the referral forms.

MeirAya Thu 07-Jul-16 22:28:43

Plus if she gets a magic cure, or you are found to have been imagining things, you can ring DWP and say stop sending us £, she's ok now.

MeirAya Thu 07-Jul-16 22:31:15

And I presume you'll have something vague written down from paed & portage already??

2boysnamedR Fri 08-Jul-16 17:36:49

She has been referred to SLT and ent. I have the pead report and portage appointment letter. Ds3 got high rate care and his blue badge when he turned three - sigh.

I talked to careers support who think I should presume it's fine until it's not. Now I'm studying her again like a hawk and finding her extremely hard work which is such a shame.

I am going to start her a folder and once it's all together if it looks bleak ( I can't really face what the pead has written) I will start a DLA form. She sees portage again in September and the Pead in November. Also the early years improvement officer will see her next week. If either portage confirm she needs to stay on their books or the pead asks to see her after November I can be ready to send it off.

MeirAya Fri 08-Jul-16 22:21:30

She could have a mild-moderate special developmental need right now (which you'll already be addressing with lots of expert additional care/mother-provided-therapy)

But then make fast enough progress that by school age she neither needs nor qualifies for a diagnosis. At which point you give back the DLA, and see how she goes, only coming back into the system later if she seems to need it

MeirAya Fri 08-Jul-16 22:26:18

Neighbours big dc had language unit nursery, statement right through school, couldn't write/read well, social stuff was big issue, struggled with English/maths GCSE ...

Then got to uni via NVQs, thrived with disabled student provisions, got a job. Did well but missed academics so looked into more study. And has just finished Masters degree from Russell Group Uni grin

2boysnamedR Fri 08-Jul-16 22:39:05

That's lovely to hear thank you. I think that because my son has been in ASD nusery and starts ASD school in September it seems so bleak right now. He's at the very lowest end of the spectrum. Dd was playing row row row your boat with her dolly yesterday singing to it. I can't see how she could be autistic. Maybe I'm blind to it all now.

MeirAya Fri 08-Jul-16 22:51:15

is she anything like ds1 or ds2?

2boysnamedR Sat 09-Jul-16 11:17:35

I want to say no, but if I'm honest she does have the triad of traits.
But personality wise no. Mind you ds2 was and still is my silent shadow. Always just behind me where as ds3 is more of a loud ( in a non talking way) ninja. Never by my side. So they are also very different.
Dd likes to spin until she falls, hardly has any words ( 7 maybe) like repetitive play. Very very needing and demanding but of tens doesn't really want the thing she screams for.
But she does interact with me like I'm a person, she shares things with me ( I think?)
She isn't at all like her peers. But she might be just a few months behind them. She is two in August.

MeirAya Sun 10-Jul-16 17:52:37

So- maybe she has ASD, or broader phenotype + a bit of language delay

Or she's going to be Theresa May.

No wonder you're confused

2boysnamedR Sun 10-Jul-16 21:45:49

I wouldn't have been worried if nursery hadn't flagged her needs up.

I was waiting for the pead or portage to laugh me off. But that didn't happen. I'm still hoping that there's a strong chance that people are being cautious because of her brothers

MeirAya Mon 11-Jul-16 13:28:30

Diagnosis (or lack therof) doesn't link all that well with outcome- whichever side of the ASD cut-off she sits, the important thing is that her individual strengths and various challenges get the right input at the right time <hollow laugh>.

It's reasonable for them to be cautious because of the combination of a) the brothers and b) the current difficulties.

elliejjtiny Tue 12-Jul-16 01:29:31

hugs. I understand. I have 5 boys with different needs and I've had the "oh he's fine" comments from various family members that make me want to scream. My youngest was 2 in June and I would bet money on him having ASD although a lot of people think I'm wrong.

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