We took PIL to the special needs family fun day thing. Mostly because DH is away, I can't drive and the dc were desperate to go. Lots of activities for the dc, people from different organisations handing out leaflets etc. All good and the dc were having a great time.
Then MIL started going on about how she hopes this event has given me perspective about how my dc's needs are considerably less severe than the other children here. For what it's worth, there were lots of children with various different needs there. Difficult to tell without getting everyone's life stories but my dc didn't look out of place there as being a lot milder than the others. DS3 has hypermobility, glue ear and asthma and he is my dc with the least severe SN. DS4 has complex health needs and global development delay (aged 3 but developing at 12-20 month level across the board). The others are all in between.
Of course none of the parents were doing competitive SN and "my child is more severe than yours rubbish. We all just accepted each other as equals as everyone seems to do at these events. Then BIL starts going on about he thought his (NT) DD was difficult until he met a child at toddler group with SN and how we're all so lucky that our DC aren't like that.
I spent Friday with my DS4 on the children's ward having yet another lumbar puncture. I spent hours beforehand printing and laminating photos for DS4 to try and lessen the trauma. It's not something that most parents do, especially so many times (11 general anaesthetics so far aged 3). I just want them to acknowledge that my DC have the SN that they have.
I've come back to this twice. I don't know how to word this so apologies in advance. It sounds to me like they're (clumsily) downplaying. It can be a supportive, a reassuring, a denial way to act. They could be good people that are out of their depth. I don't know them - you do, consider this.
My Pil's are exactly the same nothing wrong with Ds he's never any trouble here! He does a sleepover once a month. That's because his on the laptop for hours at a time!!! He ONLY goes with his wonderful older sister who diverts meltdowns as well as me. He comes home exhausted love him from holding 'inappropriate chat' in!!