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Feeling sad for my Daughter and me(3 Posts)
I am feeling sad for my dd and for me. She is 4, goes to mainstream preschool and has cp, diplegia affecting lower limbs only. She has a twin who is "normal" I think when we are in our own house and our own environment I think she is doing well and making progress. Today we had an end of term event in her preschool. Compared to all the other children it was obvious that she was miles behind the other children and she would be one of the older ones in her class. She was very reliant on her classroom assistant and while all the others joined in and sang she just sat there for a vacant expression on her face and looked lost.
They are one of three sets of twins in their class, the other two perfectly normal and healthy. Today I felt quite emotional and weepy about it that they had what I thought I had and what I should have. I feel it isolates me too. I am not the most outgoing and confident of people at the best of times but it makes me different too as none of the rest of them have to deal with the crap that we do like appointments, statements dla etc. I don't talk to people about her condition. I bury my head in the sand and pretend everything is normal and ok when I'm sure it is perfectly obvious that it is not.
I thought probably naively that it would get less noticeable as she got older but this is not the case. She is due for primary school in September and I am so worried for her moving to a new environment with new children and a class that has nearly double the amount of children that she is used too. I felt growing up very lonely and very much on the outside of things and I can see the same thing for her as she won't interact or engage with other children. I know especially girls form wee groups and can be bitchy too. I know I have been there.
Sorry this has turned into a bit of an essay. When I was pregnant none of this even entered my head that I would have a child with a disability. It just feels very cruel and unfair especially in a set of twins that I have a direct comparison of what my dd should be like.
It is normal to feel sad. I do often when I compare my two dc with other kids without disabilities. It is shit and it is unfair and all those other things but I suppose it is also reality. I often feel shit about stuff but I also try to accept that lots of people have shit lives and problems. I think perhaps what might help is to have some friends with similar shit to deal with. I have one close friend who has a child with a disability. We met when our children were diagnosed and she has been a tremendous support. it has also been helpful to be around people whose kids are different as it takes away the pressure to constantly compare and also to always be explaining to others about my dc.
I definitely agree with cansu. We all really don't know what problems and issues other people go through, you would be shocked! Some people I know are extremely private, go through hell and manage to put on a brave face.
I also have a friend who has a daughter diagnosed with high functioning autism around the same time as my son. It is very comforting to speak to her and share experiences and advice together. It is sometimes nice to know that we are not alone.
Don't get me wrong I am not belittling anyone's struggles as having a SN child is so difficult but we have to try and plough along and do best with what has been put infront of us.
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