Siblings of ASD child - What do I tell them?

[MartinRohdesBellybuttonFluff]

My DS 2yo has been diagnosed as having ASD and is also hyper kinetic (and possibly dyspraxic). He has older siblings are under 12yo so they're still young enough themselves.

Because of my DS's delayed development (non verbal) and complete lack of sense of danger etc our home life has changed , it's a bit more stressful at times. I am trying to give everyone a fair amount of attention, but it's hard. As a result I feel that the older DC's need an explanation of some sorts.

Have you any advice or experience please?

[MartinRohdesBellybuttonFluff]

Thanks in advance.

[whatamess0815]

DC1 has ASD and LD.

DC2 noticed already from 3-4 that DC1 is different to other children. We explained that her sisteebneeds lots of extra help as she is slower to learn things and that she finds talking and playing very hard. DC2 (5) has recently started to ask lots more questions and now is aware that her sister has 'autism'. her understanding of her sister's needs is amazing even though she is only 5. puts lots of other people to shame. If your older child is 12 I would think you can have a a really good talk with them about your DS2. With most of the children with ASD attending MS schools, he will probably know children with ASD from school and know more than you think.

[autisticbabybear]

DC1 is ten, DC2 has autism and is 2 years old. Due to this age gap of 8 years between them we've found it very easy to explain DC2's condition to DC1 and we've done so from the beginning. It has never been a big revelation, but a gradual understanding. DC1 is now completely informed about autism and all its symptoms - we even took them to DC2's Ados test so they have always been involved and never felt left out. DC1 doesn't regard autism as a severe disability, but just as a personality trait which makes accepting the diagnosis very easy for them. Life is indeed difficult with an autistic toddler, but DC1 doesn't feel resentful oft that which is probably just due to now knowing so much about autism.

[AntiquityOverShares]

We have a 7 year gap between ds1 & 2 (who has autism). We've been up front throughout the whole thing and talked about autism in depth.

Ds1's life has changed a lot and sometimes resentment comes through though he loves his little brother dearly and misses him if he's away from him. We are very honest about the difficulties due to ds2's autism but also balance it by talking about how hard ds2 finds everyday life too. So allowing ds1 to voice negative thoughts if he has them so he remains mentally healthy about it but also balance that with empathy for his brother.

We do make sure ds1 gets time with us to compensate like staying up late with special snacks and watching a "grown up" movie, or later this year going to Rome with dh because if it's all of us together ds2 requires a lot of attention and we can also only take family trips to placed suitable for him. We just usually say that ds2 is too little for such things or wouldn't enjoy them.

[phlebasconsidered]

Poltergoose, thankyou for posting that link. I am currently on the way to a diagnosis for ds. We';ve done a CAF and the family worker, school nurse and GP all think ds has ASD, probably Aspergers. The wait for the referral is long where we are, but I can totally relate to the boy in that clip with anger issues. That is my son.

That actually made me cry. I've been looking for advice and that's the first child's eye view i've seen.

[phlebasconsidered]

dd already knows he is different. She is fiercely protective at school even though she is younger and "reports" back to me about playtimes, but at home she is starting to say "OMG, it's so annoying I can't do this because of YOU!" so it's a great film to show her. She does love him to bits but it's hard for her (and me!) to grasp why we can't just pop to the park and pub on a whim. I'm going to look for the book mentioned in the clip too.