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How do I handle this situation with school - ASD ds

(9 Posts)
sh77 Mon 25-Apr-16 20:50:07

Ds is in Reception. School are fully aware of his asd/hfa diagnosis. I asked them at the beginning of the term year to tailor the reward chart (on full display to the world) to his strengths and weaknesses as he wouldn't be able to compete with his peers on the same basis. Since day 1, he has been at the bottom, whereas the rest move up. I struggle to believe he does nothing good. His behaviour at home is fine - polite, cooperative, kind. I think he can get hyper in the afternoons and I know he's been copying bad behaviour. Teacher has been responding by moving him down the chart, which clearly isn't working. It's starting to affect him and I think the kids think of him as a "baddie". It's heartbreaking to see. I have a meeting with school about it. Any tips on how to deal with it?

zzzzz Mon 25-Apr-16 20:56:37

Say exactly what you have written above and ask them what they are going to do to help. Expect them to be helpful and ask if you can touch base with them next week to see if their differentiation has worked. wink

Be open to what would help them too. Ask what they think you could do to help him get more out of his day.

Early years should be about learning how to work together.

Remember to email what you understood was agreed/said so you can all stay on track.

sh77 Mon 25-Apr-16 21:01:30

Thanks zzzz. In the past, I have asked his teacher twice to differentiate. No response. I asked her to let me know if there were patterns of behaviour she was struggling with. No response. I asked her what more I can do to help ds. She said he's doing fine. So, this is why I'm stuck...
Email suggestion is very good.

Youarentkiddingme Mon 25-Apr-16 21:21:26

Had the same with ds in year R too. I spoke to school and they said the only thing DS did well was what was expected behaviour - and that they don't reward it.

So I explained as zzzzz said above.

Imaginosity Mon 25-Apr-16 21:52:07

Maybe the teacher needs some advice on how to deal with your DS in a better way.

I find DS's school very responsive to his needs - and it's really paid off for them and him. They've put in place things to motivate him and regulate his mood - which means much less tantrums by him in school.

He has his own personal reward chart in addition to the class one. He has to do things he struggles with like pay attention in class, do his written work, walk calmly, treat others well etc. If he earns enough points on his chart that day he gets to select a reward - like listening to music on some headphones - or sitting on the beanbag and reading a book. This really motivates him - all they are expecting is that he tries his best to meet the expected behaviours. So other children in the class are not especially rewarded just for doing what is expected but he is.

An occupational therapist went into the school for DS and met his teacher and put in place various measures to help him. The school were pleased and co- operated as it makes life easier for them to. The OT understood that DS's behaviour was difficult because he has sensory issues and motor problems etc. The OT introduced movement breaks for DS and a sensory diet during the school day. These things keep his energy levels just right - not too slow or too fast - and this helps his behaviour and his attention.

sh77 Tue 26-Apr-16 10:22:14

Thank you all for your advice.

Youarentkidding- do you mind sharing a bit more about how they dealt with him after the meeting?

A mum of a boy in ds's class told me that her son said ds was the only one who didn't receive a sticker yesterday. I asked ds about it and he he tried to cover up by saying he couldn't remember if he got one. I feel his teacher is victimising him systematically. He's only just turned 5!! My heart is breaking. Don't know how I will stop the tears during the meeting.

zzzzz Tue 26-Apr-16 10:28:23

You don't have to stop the tears. I often open with "I sometimes find it quite emotional talking about ds difficulties. It would really help me if we could focus on XXX even if I get a bit tearful, as outcomes are more important to me at this stage"

AugustaFinkNottle Tue 26-Apr-16 10:30:15

I really don't understand how the teacher can say he's "doing fine" if she's moving him down the chart. I'm sure she's well aware that, particularly at this age, children who struggle need to be encouraged, not demotivated, so perhaps you could ask her what she plans to do for that purpose. If necessary, suggest they take advice from an educational psychologist.

Youarentkiddingme Tue 26-Apr-16 19:21:09

TBH nothing changed. But I can tell you what I said - you may find his teacher understands and will act on it.

I explained that with socisial communication disability DS couldn't generalise behaviours to situations. Therefore behavioural expectations were mostly a challenge for him unless specifically taught. Therefore whereas his peers will do X,y and z because they understand that that's how it's done for DS to do X,y or z he has achieved something.
I said therefore if consequence is moving to sad side for doing something he shouldn't he should be moved up when he meets expectations - not left where is is because 'it's expected'
I also said when he does stuff like today the bookcase during wet play and comes to show you it's to get your approval - it needs recognising.

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