What more could school be doing to help with social interactions

[Bookeatingboy]

DS just 8 (yr3) has ASD/ADHD...

The gap is getting wider and I believe that the peer group who have always tolerated him are now choosing just the exclude him. He's a fun loving bubbly boy but his two conditions are sometimes at odds with each other, in that he wants everything his way, but wants to join in too, which often leads to lots of frustration and verbal outbursts when games aren't going his way. This became very apparent on our break away at Easter and for the first time I experienced other children calling him names (weirdo)! His brother and cousin tried managed the situation but this still resulted in me having to intervene.

We do lots of role play at home and will admit to probably helicoptering when out and about to avoid situations but feel he's getting to the age where I need to back of a little.

So what types of things could they be doing with him at school to help him with this, given that he "doesn't want to be treated like a baby", at the moment he is very much left to his own devices at play times and I fear this will lead to social exclusion.

[claw2]

Ds has input from SALT she works on a number of skills, including Ds being in a friendship group with 2 of his peers.

They play games, take turns, describe things to each other ie you have to listen when someone else is describing, two way conversations etc, etc

School also have lunch clubs, which are good for kids who struggle with unstructured break times.

Bearing in mind even if SALT has input, it will probably only be for half an hour a week. At home you could play turn taking games. Social stories of what is expected when game playing etc. Organise and supervise play dates. After school clubs etc

[Bookeatingboy]

Thanks claw

He doesn't have SALT. I do lots at home with him but the problems arise in school since he is very much left to get on with it at break times and this is when the flash points occur.

[claw2]

Ds really struggles with unstructured time in school.

Do school have any social skill groups? Or things such as lunch clubs? Maybe you could suggest starting one to school?

[Bookeatingboy]

I'm going into school to discuss next week and I was hoping to go in with a few suggestions to offer them.

The problem I have is that he doesn't like to be singled out as different so when he attended the social skills group he got very frustrated telling the person running it that "mum has done all of this with me before, why do I have to do it again"

[claw2]

Ds is the same! He was just complaining to me tonight before bed about a teacher singling him out and calling his name to answer questions, when he doesn't raise his hand to answer.

The teacher is just trying to encourage him as he doesn't join in, but it is just backfiring and making Ds stressed!

whatever school do will have to be of interest to him. What are your ds's interests? Maybe suggest a lunch club along those lines? Not just for your Ds, but any child can join?

[Bookeatingboy]

Thanks claw I've done a few searches which have come up with some good ideas that he might like.

He can be pretty full on with others and I can see how some children might be intimidated by this causing them to back off.

I feel for him because the gap is definitely widening between him and his peers with regards to social skills and although I knew this would happen to an extent, it's still difficult to witness his friends moving on leading to him being excluded.

[claw2]

Ds has never had friends, rarely invited to a party and never on a play date.

His 'social life' has revolved around talking to other kids on X-box. Not a bad thing as he is getting interaction skills without the pressure of physical presence. Plus a shared interest, which is hard to find for Ds.

More recently since friendship group was started for him with 2 other children of his choosing, he has become friends outside of school with the 2 others. Both of whom have SN's.

They have play dates and the parents are very understanding, when Ds only wants to stay for an hour!

Good luck with your meeting and I hope school try out some of your suggestions.

[Toffeelatteplease]

Playground markings.

DS school have playground markings that help with "unstructured" play. The have class courts for a ball game known as "aces", physical circuits and a bullseye for throwing bean bags in. Children can dip into these games if they find themselves on their own or just because they fancy it.

Prior to this they had a prefect style scheme where children who volunteered for the scheme set up and run (with staff support) some structured playground games that if you found yourself at a loss in the playground you could join in on.

The new way us better as it is more organic but this is a suggestion if repainting the playground isn't an option

[Toffeelatteplease]

Otherwise make sure your child has a few basic games up their sleeve. "It" has worked a treat for DS from nursery upwards. Also piggy in the middle if the emotional angle of that isn't too much. Otherwise it is worth spending some time in the playground before school figuring out what the kids are doing and tailoring what your working towards.

[tartanterror]

This all sounds familiar! Our school has little to offer and he's doing ok academically & isn't too disruptive so they've said there is no problem from their POV. I've tried and failed to find social skills groups outside of school so tried to think laterally. I'm opting for ping pong - you have to pay attention to your opponent and anticipate their moves. I'm hoping that will provide a structured social activity and also help with motor problems. I'm also going to try us all doing family yoga! I bought a book called Little Flower Yoga and it seems to hit the spot for attention to own feelings and countering anxiety. Now I just need DS to buy into doing it ;). I know it's not what you were quite asking for but I came to the conclusion that social skills classes might not hit home for a few more years when motivation might be up a notch. I read somewhere that Theory of Mind is learned by AS kids between 8-14 years rather than about age 4 for NTs so we might have chaps in the young side to see the relevance. I've also never heard anyone particularly say that the sessions with a SALT helped...... But would be happy to hear from people here if that's not the case!

[claw2]

Salt input has helped to improve ds's skills and the fact that he now has play dates with the two other children with SN's from the group.

It hasn't improved his ability to transfer these skills to the playground, his social communication with others outside of the group. Or motivation to socially interact with others.

I'm currently asking school for help to transfer the skills to other settings