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Thoughts please?

(5 Posts)
pandyandy2 Mon 11-Apr-16 17:55:23


This is somewhat related to the current thread below, however I didn't want to hijack.

My son (3.4) is on the ASD assessment waiting list and at present one of the things that I find hardest is that, for me, my husband and even Grandparents ... my son really struggles to walk anywhere!

He CAN walk, however REFUSES to hold hands and every time I give him that chance he ends up running off, running out of the shop or running near the road etc!

I have tried so many strategies in the last year...
Being firm before we begin to walk anywhere, (so setting out the expectation before setting off ie 'if you run too far ahead, you WILL be back in the pushchair!)
Going through with that and putting him back in if/WHEN he does run off and obviously explaining why!
Praise for walking nicely, (usually for the first minute!)

You get the idea. And because it just got to a point for me that walking anywhere with my son was too hard and I couldn't keep all of my three children safe if essentially he wasn't in the pushchair; I have recently purchased a second hand Major Maclaren, (as my boy is pretty big and looked huge in his old pushchair) and he is now in that most of the time, (unless I deem the surroundings safe enough!)

This for me has already been a god send and has made life so much easier and I have come to terms with the fact that this may be the way forward for us for a while...however today, my son's new preschool told me they had walked down to see the ducks, (about 10 mins from the building) and my son had not only held hands...but walked beautifully??!

What am I doing wrong? Please thoughts please?


PolterGoose Mon 11-Apr-16 18:10:48

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ALemonyPea Mon 11-Apr-16 18:25:07

My son was exactly the same at that age.

The holding hands at nursery may be because it has been part of his routine from the start, or because all the other children are doing it.

How is his language and understanding?

I was pregnant when DS was this age so knew having his Mac major wasn't always going to be possible. I wanted him on reins and a little life back pack was ideal as there is a hoop at the end that could go over a prams handle. He was non verbal, but understood some basic simple requests.

We started off giving him clear instructions of buggy or back pack, took a while for him to understand, but we kept it up. When he had his back pack on, if he ran off we'd say 'walk or buggy', if he refused to walk we said 'walk or buggy'. If he refused to respond, or continued to run, straigt into the buggy he'd go.

Once we got more walking, we offered him the chance to hold onto the hoop with us, then when we were confident he wouldn't run, we let go of the hoop and he would walk. That took a good while as well.

This all went on over 7 months and I was able to use a buggy board when I was out by myself when I couldn't take a double buggy or Mac major.

Another thing I found that worked was to tell DS what I wanted hi. To do, rather than what I didn't want him to, so rather than telling him not to run, I'd tell him to walk.

It's frustrating, but please don't think it's anything you've done wrong. Sorry for the long post, hope it's helped a bit.

zzzzz Mon 11-Apr-16 18:35:28

Children do all sorts of things for other people they wouldn't do for you. It's also easier if there isn't already a "fight history" and in a crowd.
Mine is much better recently, I have no idea why. Use the pushchair while you can, it gets harder and in hindsight I wish I'd done more at that stage rather than letting the hand holding get in our way.

You could try a husky-bungee-lead? It attaches to your waist and has a bit of give so you don't jerk each other. You would need to join it to a kids belt on his end.

pandyandy2 Mon 11-Apr-16 20:07:33

Thanks for bringing me back down to earth ladies.

I have two other children and I work with children and I do 'know' that I try my absolute hardest to be 'firm yet fair' and 'consistent' in what I say and following through with consequences etc...however DOUBT easily sets in doesn't it especially when you get the 'well we didn't have a problem' type of questioning look.

In regards my son's language...he has a speech and language delay/disorder, so yes he's (a few words together/hard to understand) verbal and I try really hard to 'explain' things to him in short phrases and with Makaton ('before' we set off for any kind of walk,) however I shall take on board being even more direct and perhaps quicker with the 'back in pushchair' rather than reminder/one more chance.

DEFINATELY going to also look into the husky-bungee-lead! My son sees his older sisters 'walking freely' so perhaps that's why both types of 'obvious' reins have been unsuccessful.

Thanks xx

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