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How and when to tell Grandparents about 2 year old with ASD?

(5 Posts)
Laurajay84 Thu 07-Apr-16 12:27:39

My son is 2 years 10 months, non-verbal and is currently awaiting assessment for an ASD diagnosis. His twin brother is NT and is steaming ahead in everything, something that doesn't go unnoticed among both sets of grandparents, but of course they would never say anything and love them both equally.

The thing is we have never discussed our son potentially having ASD with them, mainly because we didn't know how to bring it up and also because at the same time we got a referral to the pediatrician, my sister also found out she had cancer. My parents were obviously distraught and I didn't feel that they could cope with hearing this news also.

Now it has become the elephant in the room, I feel that everybody realises something isn't right but nobody has ever bought it up.

I desperately need to say something soon but should I say something before or after diagnosis? His appointment is in the first week of May, so time is running out and don't know how to bring it up.

We are still really struggling with the idea that he has ASD and so I'm partly afraid to start talking about it with anyone else because I know I will start crying and make my parents worry more.

Sorry for waffling - any advice much appreciated.

mary21 Thu 07-Apr-16 16:53:38

What/about saying that you are a bit concerned that he is developing differently to his brother and you have arranged for him to see the paediatrician in may. At least then the door is open. They will also them know that you are aware or differences.

zzzzz Thu 07-Apr-16 17:13:50

I would send them an email and say you've been worried about ds's development and so you've been to see a Dr and they are concerned and doing some assessments and one of the things they have been considering is that he might have ASD (autism spectrum disorder). Explain that you won't really know what that will mean for him if it is true as it effects people so very differently and that you are scared but know that they and you will love him whatever the Drs feel is going on.

Then I would attach these three videos for them to watch.

Made for cbbc this shows 4 different children with autism and is a great way to see a variety of presentations
www.youtube.com/watch?v=ejpWWP1HNGQ

this is best played with the sound on full in a dark room and shows what it can be like for someone with sensory processing disorder (commonly part of ASD)
www.popscreen.com/v/79A4S/Sensory-Overload-Interacting-with-Autism-Project

This is a lovely piece of writing by a woman with autism on what it felt like to have her stims stopped
www.thinkingautismguide.com/2011/11/on-quiet-hands.html

And from me to you, I have twin boys one of whom has a severe language disorder and ASD and we are FINE. There are obviously days when life is a little up-hill, but we are a happy loving family. He is happy and so are we. He didn't use names till he was 3 and didn't say Mummy till 4 but can talk now (11) though his sentences are clunky. He can read, do basic maths, tell jokes, go bowling and swimming, go on holiday, make toast (learned today!), and all sorts of things. He is funny, and kind, and annoying and the boys love each other. Don't be too frightened, he and you will be ok.

Bananasinpyjamas1 Sat 09-Apr-16 18:30:13

Just tell them, it'll be fine.

Lollipopstick Mon 11-Apr-16 09:08:00

I'm in the same boat. My parents are worriers and it has put me off saying anything to them. DS was diagnosed about a year ago and it seems a bit weird bringing it up now. I wish id said it sooner. DS's behaviour is mild - but he's a bit different so I'm sure they've noticed. One day soon now I'll say it hopefully.

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