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So angry with school right now

(15 Posts)
yippeekiyay2 Thu 24-Mar-16 20:42:45

I am livid right now not to mention upset and stressed angry (not a good state to be in when u are 18 wks pg). Had phone call out of the blue from children's services tonight saying school had referred a concern to them and we had to go straight up to the hospital to meet with them. They wouldn't tell us what it was about other than something they say has happened at home...so worried sick what it could be we take dd, 7, awaiting dx of asd and See a social worker who tells us that school have reported a mark on dd leg consistent with being dragged. I ask if I can look at dd leg because I assume there is a mark and they have seen it. There is the tiniest red mark on her knee - I will post a pic if I figure out how. So after 2 and a half hours at the hospital including physical exam for dd talking to her privately etc dr and social worker say they are surprised the injury was referred and they see nothing at all of concern. Turns out Dd said to them she went to hit my husband and he stopped her by lifting her off the sofa away from him and she banged her knee on the floor - the school are aware of her behavioural difficulties and have had to move her themselves on occasion. They did not check the truth of this with us (yet they choose to say she is lying when it suits them). When dd was asked by social worker and dr has anyone hurt her she says yes other children at school...school always brush this off. She categorically denied to them in private that we had hurt her ever. I am so upset the school have done this when there was no significant physical evidence. Plus I am always in school for meetings to help with dd support etc so not an unknown entity. I can't help but feel this is all linked to them saying this year they don't know if they can support her fully... What an awful start to the holidays sad
PS if anyone can tell me how to post the pic I will

cansu Fri 25-Mar-16 07:05:05

Bloody hell. That is utterly outrageous. How many kids have numerous marks on their legs? the school seems to have massively over reacted. I would ask for an appointment to discuss this with school. Children with challenging behaviour do hurt themselves more than others. I also can't understand why the head didn't ring and speak to you. I cannot imagine this would have triggered an instant emergency referral in most schools.

lamya190 Fri 25-Mar-16 07:48:45

This is bloody outrageous!! U should see how many bruises my son has on his leg due to the fact that he is a child and always falls and plays rough boys games !!! The school defo over reacted, why did they not schedule a meeting?? Like u said its not like u were an unknown entity! I would speak to the school and seriously give them a piece of my mind. Ha and the fact they choose when to say she is lying and not is making my blood boil the dogs angry

Resideria Fri 25-Mar-16 07:49:02

What a horrible situation, poor you! I'd channel the energy from my anger to formally complain about the lack of support from the school and would even consider getting advice from a solicitor to make the complaint 'sting' more.

yippeekiyay2 Fri 25-Mar-16 08:40:23

Thx for your support I was really upset last night, hardly slept so utterly angry and frustrated by the whole thing. I think I have managed to post the pic of the mark that I took last night and honestly it is no where as big as the school referred and certainly isn't a drag mark as they also said. I just feel like any trust I had in them has gone. She hasn't got a single mark on her apart from that and not even any bruises on her legs from playing for once! I could have understood them checking with me situation but just can't believe a referral for that. I don't blame social services they were following up based on what is essentially an exaggerated referral. I was supposed to be going into school once a week after Easter to work with ta and dd on preparing for baby, which meant working through my lunch that day each weekto use the time away from work but I can't bring myself to do that now, I'll do it myself at home sad

yippeekiyay2 Fri 25-Mar-16 08:47:08

I think we will send a letter of complaint to the head (tempted to send a copy also addressed to chair of governors but they're prob in heads pocket anyway) and let him contact us. I know sw said they will feed back to school and seemed shocked by the lack of injury if you see what I mean. Dh is more angry even than me because it was him they were suggesting had done it. In fact sw was more concerned that dd had told them other children hurt her sad so I'll be raising that with school as well angry

Spoc123 Fri 25-Mar-16 09:02:16

I am a safeguarding professional who has complained about the number and level of injuries my child has sustained in two local independent schools - the LA has refused to look into them or even have them looked at. It's a disgrace when parents are treated in this manner whilst "professionals" seemingly have little accountability for injuries sustained when vulnerable children are in their care. I'm pleased that your social worker was able to contemplate the behaviour of the school and other children who are hurting her there. One of the schools I mention closed shortly afterwards and the other has been graded as inadequate by Ofsted.

shazzarooney99 Fri 25-Mar-16 15:20:15

Thats utterly crazy it really is, considering our schools are supposed to have understanding of our children that have difficulties.

We went to Cahms a few weeks ago and my son came out with my mummy always hits me, i was mortified anyway, i went straight into school and told them what hed said and they said they have no concerns, because they understand, but bloomin nora i couldnt belive it, anyway it had all stemmed down to the fact that he had been kicking the crap out of me and i stopped him with putting my hand out.

yippeekiyay2 Fri 25-Mar-16 19:01:59

Spoc that is appalling - and yet sadly unsurprising... Shaza that sounds like a sensible approach from the school.
I am cross with myself for this but I am crying again now and really worried about the impact this stress will have on my blood pressure (already borderline high) and my pg. I just feel victimised and helpless as this will be on record forever, both me and dh work in education and I am worried about whether this can affect that also. Can't even do anything about it for 2 weeks due to Easter holidays either and it has totally spoiled for me our upcoming holiday. Sorry to keep going on, I am in shock this has happened to us and just don't know how to get past it...

Spoc123 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:01:31

I don't think it will impact on your working role. It won't meet the threshold for that, it sounds like a section 47 was opened and then closed. It's understandable that you are upset and worried but I hope you won't let it spoil your holiday, easy to say I know, but really if you let it affect you it'll make no difference to the outcome.

pandyandy2 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:08:34

Please, please, please...try to enjoy your break!

You are pregnant and that is hard enough itself on your body without the anxious state you have been placed in!

School now know that your child was 'confused' regarding the explanation of the 'tiny' mark on her knee!

A massive hug to you! And a reassurance that if preschool investigated every bump/graze my son, (poss ASD also,) got... i'd never be way from the hospital! or possible 'investigation!' as my son is mad as a hatter!!!

Again...HUGE HUG XXX

shazzarooney99 Fri 25-Mar-16 20:37:05

yippeekiyay2, listen carefully, enjoy your break, please dont worry about it, you have done nothing wrong and that will come out, I work in education myself and I know for a fact you will need a good bloody break, so please do not let this spoil your break, its not worth it, nothing will come of it, once again just enjoy xxxxxxxxxxxx
Just to say as well when your working in education I always feel myself more paranoid than anything when my son gets bruises where he shouldnt lol, because we know what they are looking for, its a sad state of affairs really

yippeekiyay2 Sat 26-Mar-16 07:43:58

Thx all I know what you're saying - worrying is futile, I will try and put it all to one side for now. I guess I feel it's not really over yet as I need to consider how to approach this with school after the holidays. Also the sw assured us that they had no concerns (her words) but they will be in touch after our holiday to arrange to come around to complete their assessment, which makes me feel like they are concerned but not telling us - which makes me feel paranoid as I kind of think why would they lie?? I mean they can come round there is nothing to hide or be afraid of but it still makes me really nervous like they're looking for something and I don't know what! They mentioned her behaviour a few times eg being wilful and can be violent aggressive or violent - information they had from school - although she really isn't violent much. I wondered if it could be about that? But don't think we would qualify for any services as the dx hasn't been completed yet. See I'm just going round in circles! Got to try and switch off from it all for the next week or so but it's hard to do...

Spoc123 Sat 26-Mar-16 08:52:03

You're right you need to switch off. Perhaps the social worker thinks you need support? Maybe she's coming round to see if there's any services they can provide?
I don't think you are feeling anything other than any one in your position would feel and it's unfortunate that you've been left to worry. Take care of yourself and try not to worry.

yippeekiyay2 Sat 26-Mar-16 20:18:17

Thx you're right - I have been making myself paranoid reading about home visits on the Internet (damn Google!) and how they can twist things/make false accusations etc. I'm trying to rationalise that in most cases this can't happen surely but it's hard. Spoke to dh about it today and we have agreed to ask for a meeting with the chair of governors to explain our concerns about the way this has been dealt with and take it from there. As much as my gut reaction is to look at other schools also I feel that is playing into his hands as this could be the start of suggesting we are obstructive etc parents and dd not coping there, more importantly tho with the baby being due just before the new school year I feel the change in school at the same time would just be too much for her. But I might tentatively look into it just in case... Going away soon for a break and think the change of scenery will help!

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