Feeling depressed and unable to cope

[Mamaka]

There's a lot going on in my life at the moment and a lot of it revolves around the looming possibility that both dd and dh have Aspergers (or something v similar). Today I'm feeling absolutely overwhelmed and just unable to think about doing anything even getting out of bed and getting dressed. Dc have been awake since 6 and I've just let them play while I stay in bed (dh gave them breakfast) and pull covers over my head. Dd has had 2 major meltdowns/tantrums already, one of which resulted in her kicking me repeatedly until I screamed at her to get out my bed and go to her room. She did and then later came back and apologised. 15 minutes later the second one happened.
I just can't cope, I want failsafe discipline strategies, understanding people around me, a supportive husband and the ability to see that the future will be ok!
Please help. Feeling very low.

[Mamaka]

I had a nightmare last night about me being in prison and trying to escape. I escaped and then felt incredibly guilty and kept looking back. I woke up with my heart pounding and feeling sick and anxious.

[ChowNowBrownCow]

Im so sorry that you feel so low. In the early days I used to feel really overwhelmed to. Sometimes you just need some space, I used to go into the bathroom and lock the door just to ensure I got a few minutes to myself where I could think of my next move. Children with ASD generally are selfish and they want your attention when they want it, being in bed is not seen as a sign that you don't want them in your room and that you need some time to yourself. They really don't mean to be selfish, its just how they are wired. How old dd is makes a differance as to how you handle things. So im afraid 'discipline strategies' would not be appropriate to give. 'Understanding people around you', join local support groups - these groups will totally get where you are coming from and support you through the trials of having an sen child. 'a supportive husband' - I found that I needed to be very specific about what I needed. I needed to say 'you need to step in now', my experience has been with my husband that I often feel like the warrior mum and do everything as I understand my ds better than him, BUT your husband is probably very capable of looking after your dd, you just need to let him do it. With regard to the future, short term goals are good to make and achieve. long term future, nobody knows what that holds, but having the expectation of will it be 'ok', is realisticand it probably will be..

[Mamaka]

Dd is about to turn 4, ds is 2 and much much easier to be around and cope with. In fact, one thing I've noticed is that everybody quite obviously favours him over dd, talks in front of her about how sweet natured he is and how adorable etc, how can I put a stop to this? Surely that batters dd's self esteem.
Maybe I used the wrong words when I said discipline strategies - I want coping strategies to help myself deal with her behaviour and for her to improve her behaviour.
Thanks for reassurance on all the other points Chow.

[Mamaka]

I'm afraid I'm not really at the place yet where I can see getting a kicking from my little girl as communication and her difficulties as a puzzle. We are still pre diagnosis so still not 100% sure that it is AS and not shitty behaviour/parenting.
I like the idea of keeping a diary and will start that today, thanks.

[Mamaka]

Thanks zzzzz. Feeling v sorry for myself and wish I could snap out of it! I normally manage the best I can (alone) and today maybe it's just built up to a point where I need to rest. Still in pjs and now out of bed with my 4th cup of tea, dc playing quite nicely for now.
How do I manage the kicking and other aggressive behaviour then, whether we get DX or not?

[MaterofDragons]

Mamaka not a lot to contribute other than I feel your pain. Today is a BAD day. I'm currently on a tube and so happy to be moving further away from "the shithouse" I left behind. An unpleasant hospital appointment has me smiling. My children and husband...not so much.

My poor advice is that this too shall pass.

[Mamaka]

Thank you all. Ds, dd and I had a nap together and then I researched play therapy techniques to try at home and when she woke up I managed to make her laugh for about 15 mins and we tidied the living room together and then she told me she loved me I think she's only said twice before ever.
Thank you for resources Polter, I've heard of that book and will find a copy immediately.
for you Mater.

[Mamaka]

I can relate zzzz, have already ended up in hospital with exhaustion/dehydration/several bouts of mastitis when dd was smaller (she always has been impossible to comfort and I took trying to the extreme). My thyroid also collapsed under the strain!!
I videoed some of the meltdown this morning as I am fairly sure nobody believes me how bad it gets.
Thanks for the encouragement xx