Here some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on SN.
Son's DLA(12 Posts)
i'm new to the group and have a question that would be curious of any views from the lovely members on this group.
My son is 15. He is in receipt of high rate DLA and mobilty which my ex recieves. We have been separated for 6 years now and throughout that time has refused to share any of my son's DLA or Child Tax Credit Disability Premium with me given that we share the care of our son. He resides with me almost 50% of the year.
It's now getting to the stage where he is always counting down the days and looking forward to returning to his mum's house in order to be able to go out and do things as she can afford to do things with him and i cant afford things which i feel is unfair. She receives almost £220 per week on his behalf which is directly linked and related to his disability but refuses to accept that he has a need when he lives with me for half the week.
Has anyone else been through a situation like this and what was their experience?
Also, i would like to know what happens when he reaches 18? Who becomes responsible for him? Given her refusal to acknowledge his financial needs in my home, I dread to think what will happen when he reaches 18 and she is solely responsible for his finances.
Would anyone be able to shed some light on this matter for me???
The money is his not yours or hers. Will he be able to manage it himself at 16?
Yes i know it's his. He will not be able to manage it himself though and so will need someone to help him manage it himself
An update so far:
I explained to ex that I would be informing DLA that she is mismanaging our son's finances by not allowing him access to it whilst he lives his half the week with me.
Her response was to contact mediation and ask if we could attend, which i'm happy to do although i cannot pay for it as i dont have any disposable income left from my weekly budget. She also has told me that our son will have his chip and pin card with him to use when he is living with me, but only to be used for whatever he needs!!!(not quite sure what that is supposed to mean because she's been using his money for expensive holidays away twice a year). I wasnt even aware our son had a bank account and debit card, let alone access to it, so i will be interested to see how long he has had it, the balance, what of his funds are paid in to it and a history of all the transactions.
She was also supposed to be paying me £50 per month to cover the cost of running our son's CPAP machine at my house, as per our mediated agreement from September. She stopped paying this in December so imagine my surprise when yesterday a payment of £150 went in to my bank account without any explanation, only to find out that it was from her......the arrears along with a proposal to go back to mediation!!! Does it sound like she is panicking a little or is it me being over suspicious?
All i did was mention the words DLA and mismanaging in the same sentence and this is whats happened!!
I'm not really sure what you are looking for here? Mediation sounds like an excellent idea.
If you have 50-50 shared care then you should have half the money to be able to help or do things with him in all fairness, why should she just be able to do all the nice things with him? or treat him ect? so it looks like its all coming from her? that is wrong to be honest. but at the end of the day as long as your son is benefiting from it thats all that matters x
DLA is to help towards costs of equipment and support. I really don't think it should be shared between parents like that, but I don't know the legal position. It's only for another year anyway. Do you get involved with school etc OP?
I have nothing solid to base any advice on but....
If you wanted to do something with him that bears a direct extra cost due to his disabilty, can you set that out to his mum and ask for the money from his DLA?
My sons DLA goes on therapy or equipment things like that. Any left over goes aside for future needs ( like a new pram / wheelchair )
If me and Dh was sharing care I would either expect money for nappies, extra laundry, extra petrol etc or the equivalent in washing powder etc.
That only seems fair. As said before it's not family money. It's the child's money. There is a duty stated on the DLA notice that makes this fact very clear
Thank you for your replies. 2boysnamedR, what does it state on the DLA notice award?? How is it worded??
I would put it in an account solely for him to use with help and guidance from myself and his mum. He has to learn to be responsible for his money and how to budget accordingly. It may take some time to get there but with hard work and determination he will succeed. It's not my money, it's his and at the moment he isnt benefiting from it all the time, only half of the week!! It's being used to subsidise his mother's lifestyle
Yes but what do you think it should be spent on while at your house?
You already receive £50 as a contribution towards CPAP running costs, what else do you need to cover?
Your son needs to learn to manage money regardless of DLA if he can, my understanding from your previous posts was that he would never be capable of that.
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.