How to stop my special needs son wanting to play Grand Theft Auto! Please help!

[NotSuperhuman]

We never allowed violent video games into our home. Our oldest was 16 and he borrowed it from a friend and though I kept barring it my oldest and husband didn't see the problem. My special needs child then found the game and it fascinated him - all he wants to do is ride on the train in the game, go to the airport and walk around the streets. He's now obsessed with it and now that my special needs son is 18 he wants to play the game. I relented because he was so distressed about not being allowed to have it and he does just ride on the train after all. Now he's becoming more aggressive and angry. I do think the game is affecting him. How can I get him away from this horrible game? Advice desperately needed!

[ouryve]

Tell your 16 year old to keep it out of sight or take it back to his friend. It's natural at 16 to nurture different interests from a 10 year old, but he needs to be more responsible about them. he doesn't get to have an opinion about whether or not an 18 rated game is a problem or not - you are the parent. As is your husband, who needs to actually do some parenting.

If your 10yo wants to drive around, etc, then find a more age appropriate game which allows him to do this and monitor his usage of the game.

[NotSuperhuman]

I am really upset that this is the first time I have ever posted on Mumsnet because I genuinely did not know where else to go for help and this is the response I get? My husband "needs to actually do some parenting"? How bloody dare you!

You have no idea what we go through on a daily basis. This is unkind, unhelpful and unwarranted. My husband only gets three hours sleep at most each night because he's "parenting" our child and supporting me when he's not working to provide for our family.

[Tambaboy]

GTA really is an awful game, Dh used to play it and I would leave the room when it was on. It is violent, sexist etc. so I understand why you don't want your DS to play it.
What about providing your DS with a more appropriate alternative? I'm afraid I'm not very good with games and DS is only 9 so he plays things like Minecraft which is probably not what your DS wants. Another driving game without all the violence?

[NotSuperhuman]

Thanks for taking the time to post. That's been my line of thought too - if I could find a replacement where he can latch on to a similar experience. I've looked at simulators and driving games and I'm just not finding anything out there.

[NotSuperhuman]

My GTA obsessed special needs son is now 18 and I guess I felt the need to explain how it came up on his radar in the first place. Now, yes, I'm letting him play, but I hate it in my home and I feel that it is having an impact on him - he's becoming more aggressive and angry. I want to allow him to make his own choices but he obsesses over the game which allows him to freely interact in a city. If it were just about finding a new driving game then that's do-able but its not about driving. He can go to the train station, airport, walk around the city, go bowling, look at traffic, go to a cash machine, choose clothing. He likes the world.

I posted in this forum specifically because part of his condition is that compulsive and obsessive behaviour. I'm looking for advice on how to discourage him from wanting to play the game. It may be that replacing it with something else is an option, but I can't find anything that would replicate the immersive world he's enjoying being part of in GTA.

[Flanks]

Game complexity induces anger rather than game content. Or put another way, there is little to no peer reviewed evidence that computer games induce any form of long term aggressive behaviour.

Even though anecdotally people believe the reverse to be true, a bit of careful thinking makes it obvious that it cant be true. If it were true, then there would be a LOT more violent behaviour than there is. It would also be true that happy games would make everyone lovely, which is also obviously not true!

Games that induce longer term annoyance tend to be games which are complicated to play or non intuitive to achieve success. This means the dopamine hit is harder to findband instead annoyance grows. GTA is quite a straight forward game which allows playability for any number of aims.

It may well be the case that if someone is prone to anger then a lower arousal environmeny is better, in which case (and if this applies to your son) I can understand your concern.

Have you considered games such as SIMS, the lego games or others of that ilk?

If he plays on a tv screen or uses a large monitor you may also wish to adjust the light settings. Bring down the backlight very slightly, and reduce the amount of blue light specifically if you can. This will help with sleep patterns, reduce arousal and perhaps help him maintain moods more easilly.

If the above does have a positive effect, it may be worth exploring tinted lenses (if he would be open to wearing them).

[Flanks]

Blimey, I got the double!

Thank you both for the kind words :)

[ouryve]

Beg pardon?

Your husband is thinking it's OK for your DS to play a game that's too old for him and which you're not comfortable with him playing, as well as being concerned about your DS's behaviour in response to playing said game. I am not the person you need to be getting cross with.

[ouryve]

Apologies for reading 18 as 10, though. You did say your eldest son was 16 in your OP and my new varifocals are crap!

It's really not good form to come on a board full of parents of kids with SN and say we have no idea what you're going through, though. We are here because we all have our own parenting challenges. I know boards elsewhere have their own flavour, but this particular one tends to be a schmaltz free zone. We know it's hard because we're all living our own version of it.

[ouryve]

Aye - I had to go back and check, Polter - cross posted there!

[LMGTFY]

ouryve her son is 18, don't know where you've got 10 from, perhaps you should read the op instead of being so judgemental.

NotSuperhuman I'm very sorry to hear of your predicament, I'm not a gamer so can't suggest alternatives, plus I couldn't comment on your specific circumstances, however of he's enjoying the exploration side of things, could you introduce him to Google Street view and he could get immersed in a city that way? We all apparently only ever view our own house on there but New York is pretty cool to 'drive' around.

[Flanks]

Saying someone needs to do some parenting would be considered out of line by most when OP is making no judgment herself.

Refusing to apologise for blatantly getting it wrong is even more so.

I appreciate that there is an attempt to calm this down right now, but if Ouryve is determined to double down on their opinion after misreading the first post and being corrected on all counts, I suspect that this may be OPs first and only venture to a support board.

This is a great shame.

[Jasonandyawegunorts]

I love the way your eldest son is 2 years younger than your 18 year old...

[PhilPhilConnors]

Jason, I read that as at the time the oldest was 16 he brought the game in, and subsequently her younger son, who is now 18, found it.
May be wrong though.

[ouryve]

I did apologise for misreading the age.

The point still stands whatever his age, though. it would be helpful if the OP could say a bit more about the nature of the special need. We don't know how well her DS is functioning or even what the special need is. We don't know how much capability he has of making safe or sensible decisions for himself. We don't know if he benefits from strict routine (in which case, building gaming time into that routine could help him to not have it dominate his life) or if he's so demand avoidant that imposing a routine would lead to a meltdown.

And I see a situation where the Op is being undermined on an important matter by the person she's supposed to be able to rely on. They have to be on the same page about what actually works for them as a family.

I have one who needs screen time limiting because he won't voluntarily take breaks and one who will just put his iPad down and do something else for a while, without any prompting, most of the time. If DH just shrugged and said there was no harm in DS1 staying on the computer all day, even in the face of evidence that it doesn't appear to be doing him any good, I would feel undermined and I would be unhappy with that because the ability to find a solution that works, instead of just ignoring it, would have been taken away from me, unless I had the ability to put my foot down and insist on changes being made.