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How do.i explain to him he cant stay home alone

(8 Posts)
frankiebuns Mon 15-Feb-16 10:33:11

Ds has aspergers and is higb functioning so he is 5 going on 12 he is going through a stage of not wanting to do what we need to do. He wants to stay home and we are going out and he insists he will be fine on his own at home (no doubt he will be) but i cant leave him. If i do convince him to come which isnt often he mopes and has a melt down he will go out if its something he wants to do. But i need to go out im a single mum and my mum is busy so cant stay with him. Please please help. Im not doing bribary im not a beliver

RoaringFirePlease Mon 15-Feb-16 11:40:54

Can you explain to him that if he has an accident then there will be no one there to help him? Or maybe showing him a video (on youtube etc?) about dangers in the home for children, and explain that's why an adult needs to be there. Or say that its the law and you will get into trouble with the police and social services? It must be hard for you when you need to go out x

PolterGoose Mon 15-Feb-16 13:50:55

How old is he? Is he 5 or 12? confused

If you re-frame bribery as 'positive reinforcement' (which is what it is!) it's just about finding the right motivator, it doesn't have to be a 'thing', it can be an activity or whatever works. If you can link it to any special interests you're even more likely to succeed smile

Doing lots of little trips which he can cope with helps work toward bigger trips. And always only do what you agreed at the start, eg we are going to X number of places or we are going to buy X number of things, and stick to it, once you've cracked that you can gauge his mood and start to introduce teeny changes, again start small and build up.

Ineedmorepatience Mon 15-Feb-16 14:52:57

I agree with polter we all need motivation to do things we hate! Stop thinking of it as bribery and think of motivators that will help your son cope with being out!

We do short trips with headphones and motivators! Never stay longer than necessary and keep shopping to an absolute minimum! We would do the park first and then the shopping because we were out and would only every pick up a few bits not do a full shop!

Good luck flowers

DigestiveBiscuit Mon 15-Feb-16 20:02:20

I agree - most people go to work for the pay cheque at the end of the month, not for the fun of it. If we adults need positive reinforcement, there is nothing wrong on using it on children!

PolterGoose Mon 15-Feb-16 20:09:09

I have no problem with bribery at all as a concept, unfortunately it's not very effective with my ds, if it was I'd use it a lot grin

Youarentkiddingme Tue 16-Feb-16 07:25:21

Another who agrees with positive reinforcement.

For my DS things like the toy aisle in the supermarket, the game store, chocolate car or lemonade when we've done all add to why he'd want to to out. I don't buy him stuff but we look at what's in and he can save up for items he wants.

I use to explain all the things that were out there he'd enjoy.

He's really good now and we can add surprise extras without too much fallout.

Obs2016 Tue 16-Feb-16 09:42:32

Does he like rules? Ie to 'blame' it on someone else, it's not your fault. Shame there is not a law. But you could say " NSPCC Guidelines recommend" ..... Would he prefer that?

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