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ASD DD so awful when she doesn't get her own way

(8 Posts)
TheSconeOfStone Wed 03-Feb-16 21:32:22

DD is 8 and has ASD. Things had been improving at school. Very recent diagnosis, more support and more understanding of her.

I've just had an e-mail from the teacher and it seems the last 3 days have been bloody awful. And she has lied to me about one of the incidents (she did something to a child, told me it was because she was hurt first but a teacher was there it was unprovoked).

Problems this week are because a school assembly is taking place and she wants to be in it/doesn't want to be in it so is kicking up a huge fuss and being awful (now decided to pull out which is a shame but probably for the best), and she is sharing a room with her sister for few nights as FIL is staying. First time in a year she has had to do this. We didn't realise just how badly she'd cope with this.

I feel numb. I haven't got the energy to get upset or cry anymore.

She is lovely, helpful, kind, funny etc when she gets her own way. Awful when they're not. How can we teach her to cope with situations which aren't 100% to her liking? Or at least not scream, attack people, kick furniture?

PolterGoose Wed 03-Feb-16 21:42:38

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PolterGoose Wed 03-Feb-16 21:43:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TheSconeOfStone Wed 03-Feb-16 21:56:08

I'm hoping now she has made the decision to back out of the assembly she will calm down. She's desperate to do it and frustrated with her own anxiety. i get it but it's hard to live with.

Her need personal for space is getting more acute. She's hormonal and her sister is a slob to be fair. Plus DD struggles to settle at night anyway. DD is increasingly aware of disorder and is upset by it (not good in our house!). We've been told we're doing a good job at keeping DD calm and happy most of the time but it's exhausting trying to anticipate what might go wrong all the time.

I feel embarrassed about her behaviour and that it reflects badly on me (I know it's not about me). My parents were strict and not causing a fuss is highly prized in our family. I disagree with this but still feel the shame when DD kicks off. I suffer form anxiety and have some ASD traits myself so the lack of control I feel over DD's ASD is REALLY hard to handle.

Just venting really. I know I've just got to deal with it.

zzzzz Wed 03-Feb-16 22:09:06

My approach is to make things like assemblies MY decision (and I would remove her). I think you are massively underplaying the FIL thing. Imagine how stressed you would be if asked to share a bed with him for these few days? Skin crawling? THATS how she feels and the level of discomfort she is experiencing. Put your FIL in the nt child's bedroom and have her sleep on YOUR bedroom floor.
You are still judging things by how hard they would be for you. Her difficulties are recognised in dx. You need to adjust to that.

TheSconeOfStone Wed 03-Feb-16 22:22:29

zzzzz I get that we need to adjust to DD. I've been doing since since she was a tiny baby. It's just this was never previously a problem and it's been a while since DD has given up her room. It was only after getting the teacher's message today I realised how upset DD was. She often asks to sleep in her sister's room as they get on really well. Another lesson learnt.

It might sound like I'm downplaying her upset. I don't mean to. I'm feeling massively anxious and trying to deal with everything going on in our lives, not just DD's diagnosis.

zzzzz Wed 03-Feb-16 22:26:16


Ds was at his most hair trigger at 7/8. It was impossible to keep up with his ever escalating needs. He's nearly 11 now and that side of things is easier/more predictable.

TheSconeOfStone Wed 03-Feb-16 22:36:09

We've had a few calm weeks. I knew it wouldn't last!

Thanks for the brew. I really need a wine. I'll wait until tomorrow, Thursday is nearly the weekend, right?

Tomorrow is another day.

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