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Being an advocate with harassing...

(8 Posts)
Verbena37 Wed 03-Feb-16 09:13:23

Can anybody give me some good advice about how to be your SEN child's advocate without seeming like you're always nagging/harassing the school/form teacher? I tend to email to save them having to answer calls and meet with me etc.

DS (10) just won't speak up for himself and his behaviours are so masked that school never out two and two together. He has dX of HFA and SPD.

For example. Yesterday, due to an injured foot, he is off from PE til after half term. The HT saw him going dressed to PE and asked teacher why he couldn't do some extra work. So she gave him 40 mins of RE to do whilst sitting outside a classroom on his own. He had nobody to ask for help and wrote about three sentences......then got told off by FT for not doing enough. He was totally embarrassed and said his eyes were watering (that's him crying). The questions weren't easy......

1. Do you think Christian Aid a good charity?
2. Does Chrsitian Aid put the teachings of Jesus into action?

At home, this would take him great effort and a lot of input from me to get a decent answer. For a 10 yr old with possible dysgraphia, this was a total nightmare and then he got told off. It wasn't as if he was chatting to other people because they were all in PE!

He said today he would just go and do PE on his injured foot in case they gave him more work to do with no help.

If I mentioned this to school though, I think they'd think I'm bonkers! But it's all things like this that school just don't get.
Any good ideas about how to approach school without seeming too needy and annoying?

Verbena37 Wed 03-Feb-16 12:12:43

Sorry, that thread title should read WITHOUT harassing !!,

ouryve Wed 03-Feb-16 12:28:30

TBH, I think you do need more harrassing!

Ask the HT what the objectives of such an exercise were for him, other thn just keeping him busy. Ask why he is doing something that feels like a punishment for being injured, then being punished for not being able to do it due to his developmental disabilities.

There are many ways he could have been included in his PE class without being very mobile - eg refereeing, keeping tally, counting out equipment (all good for social skills and confidence, too). If he would have been in the way, there's always a drawer or art cupboard somewhere that needs something organising or photocopies that need to be sorted. Anything to help him feel useful and included, rather than punished and excluded!

zzzzz Wed 03-Feb-16 12:37:22

I agree with ouryve it sounds like a miserable way to spend PE and everyone else gets a good run around and some fresh air to distress while your ds gets wound up and chair bound. grrrrr

The key to interacting with school is to try and help them find a solution. What would you like him to do in PE while he heals?

Verbena37 Wed 03-Feb-16 13:27:57

It's not only PE though....that's a recent example. It's just that they just seem to have much empathy and tend to (in my eyes and some others that I've spoken to) clump all the kids together and teach/treat them all the same. I would like them to treat him in a more mum-like way rather be strict and rigid. I understand they can't do that all the time with 24-30 kids in each class but a bit of sesnsitivity would be good. They tell him he doesn't write enough....knowing he is waiting to see someone about dysgraphia. I don't get why they'd say that.

They pretty much think I'm a bit over protective anyway. All his school life, I've been trying to be an advocate for him but it just seems like I'm complaining. I try to do it in a nice way and it's not like I'm emailing them every week or anything but when something causes him a lot of anxiety, I want them to realise it's their behaviours that often cause it.

He had 18 months at another school when we moved away for a bit and it was a very small village school. They were fab and understood his little ways and did everything they could to include all children. They warmly invited parents into school and listened to them. I know it's SATS year this year for him and the pressure of the homework is really stressing him out.

Sorry to's multiple issues really. Perhaps I shouldn't worry too much as he is moving to secondary school in September. It's like though that his current primary don't believe his diagnosis and that until this past Christmas, he was 'normal'......they didn't pick up on anything even though I'd mentioned his selective eating from the word go in reception. They didn't pick up his lack of willingness to read, or muddled writing and comprehension issues. They were too busy giving him booster sessions to get his levels up.

Verbena37 Wed 03-Feb-16 13:50:23

Thinking about it, I have a letter from them asking me to fill out a healthcare plan for my DS. He has one other medical need so perhaps I could fill that out for the HFA as well?
That way, he needs would be written down and each teacher should see it.

zzzzz Wed 03-Feb-16 14:49:33

Wait till you get your place in secondary organised and then HE till the end of primary?

see senco ht or ct?

Verbena37 Wed 03-Feb-16 15:52:15

I would love to HE til end of year but DH won't go for it. He has very few friends as it is so not going to school would impact his ability to continue making any new ones before he moves schools.

Think I just need to not worry too much about what the school think and just do what's best for DS.

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