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Toileting issues at school

(17 Posts)
nancyclancy123 Tue 26-Jan-16 23:29:56

My dd is 4 and started reception in a mainstream school in September. We are awaiting a diagnosis for ASD. She has settled in school well and is very happy. She has speech and language delay and her general development is delayed too.

The issue we are having is her toilet training. She sits on the toilet but will not actually do anything. She has never done a wee or poo on the toilet/potty. She never indicates that she needs to go or lets us know once she's done a poo etc. She goes to school in pull ups (school put on a fresh one at lunchtime and sit her on the toilet). But if she does a poo we have to go in and change her.
At the moment my dh is doing it but in a few weeks he'll be working further away. I already work too far away to pop in and change her and I'm not able to just leave.
I've now decided that the only option is for me to hand in my notice at work so I can support her properly. My job has been perfect as I can drop her off and collect her and it's term time only, so I'm gutted, not to mention the financial strain too.
The school nurse is on board and we are trying to work out a health care plan.
I just wondered if anyone else has been in the same situation as us, did your dc ever become toilet trained? In my heart I don't think she's going to be properly trained for a long time to come. I have much older children so will basically be at home waiting for the school to ring.

Cakescakescakes Wed 27-Jan-16 13:25:17

I don't have any help on toileting but just wanted to say make sure to apply for DLA for your dd. You don't need a diagnosis to apply - you just need to demonstrate that your child needs greater support and supervision than a typical child of their age. Any reports you have from professionals involved in her care can be submitted as evidence. Be prepared to be rejected first time and then appeal. If she is awarded at mid or higher rate then you should be eligible for carers allowance too. This has really helped us as I also had to give up my job to support my DS. You can earn up to £100 a week on CA so I am still able to work one day a week which is important for my sanity.

Borka Wed 27-Jan-16 14:19:52

I don't think the school should expect you to go in to change your DD. I don't have any experience of this, but:

'Although school staff should use their discretion and judge each case on its merits with reference to a child’s individual healthcare plan, it is not generally acceptable practice to oblige parents to come into school in order to change their child after they have wet or soiled themselves.'

from here

BlackeyedShepherdsbringsheep Wed 27-Jan-16 22:04:22

you need a health care plan. speak to the school nurse and see what they recommend.

staff clean up children at ds's school. (another child with a disability)

tethersend Wed 27-Jan-16 22:10:51

School should not be asking you to come into school and change your DD- this falls under the school's duty of care. Schools are legally required to act as a reasonably prudent parent.

Although teachers cannot be compelled to change children after toileting accidents, support staff can.

Hedgyhoggy Wed 27-Jan-16 22:30:13

A school should not have an issue with changing a child in school. If they refuse then they are not being inclusive. My ds is 6 still in nappies and its never been an problem in his mainstream school. Speak to the school nurse, if you don't get the right answer from them (because they really are quite often appallingly ignorant of such issues) then see you have a parent partnership in your area. Good luck but stand firm.

Anomia10 Wed 27-Jan-16 23:05:22

DD was admittedly in a special school, but the staff changed her when she had been incontinent, during a seizure. She wears pull ups, but even they cannot always cope....

(The staff still do, now she is at the specialist FE college next door)

GruntledOne Thu 28-Jan-16 09:31:33

Don't hand in your notice. The school is completely in the wrong to demand that you come in to change your child. Point out to them that they have a duty to meet your daughter's needs and also to make reasonable adjustments for disability. Frankly, I'm astonished that the school nurse doesn't know that. If they say they can't fund the staff to deal with this, they should by making an urgent application for an EHC needs assessment so that they can get funding through an EHC plan.

Alias23 Mon 02-Oct-17 19:16:11

Not sure if anyone can help as my partner is at his wits end with his 12 year old grandson who has never pooed on the toilet. He is in mainstream education with no SEN issues except he always poos in his pants. My partner rescued him from his drug taking mother and alcoholic grandmother after they split 5 years ago and he has tried everything to overcome the issue from child psychologists, incontinence nurses, doctors, pediatricians and currently a hyponotherapist - all agencies are of the mind it is down to the child and only he can do anything about it. I have researched and researched and just wondered does anyone know of a similar situation where someone with experience can shed some light - I realise the traumas of his upbringing is a huge factor in the situation but at the age of 12 and just starting secondary education the truth about his very unusual habit is becoming revealed and I am conscious about him being bullied at school if he doesn't stop.

zzzzz Mon 02-Oct-17 20:29:09

Lots and lots of people are incontinent, school will be more than capable of supporting him and should be on top of all bullying especially for additional needs.

CaptainKirkssparetupee Mon 02-Oct-17 20:56:42

Alias23 your own thread might be better.
Instead of going in pants would it be better if he changed into a pullup, maybe before going to bed or whatever, clean up is much easier that way.

halesie Tue 03-Oct-17 05:35:43

Hi, I agree that the school should be dealing with toileting. My DS (who has ASD) is in Reception and needs some help with it so we were given a copy of the school's toileting policy and asked to read and sign it. It's all part of safeguarding too so you could talk to the school's key safeguarding contact.

Fairylea Tue 03-Oct-17 06:16:32

School should not be expecting you to go in. Google “Eric” the incontinence charity - they can provide lots of information about how the school should be making provision to do this. My little boy was still in nappies until 5 and then suddenly he seemed to just get it, so it may happen and if it doesn’t that’s fine too.

I agree with the others - apply for an ehcp (see the website “ipsea” for advice) and apply for dla and carers allowance if you haven’t already. A website called Cerebra has a very good dla guide.

nancyclancy123 Thu 05-Oct-17 22:59:35

I was just about to give advice on this thread and then realised it was me that started it, so I thought I'd update.

My dd is now 6 and for the last two months has been toilet trained, she just did it herself in the end. We backed right off and she did it when she was ready, she's really reliable and although she still wears a nappy a night, they are quite often dry in the mornings now too.

We did get an EHCP and she is now in a special needs school which is much more suitable for her.

nancyclancy123 Thu 05-Oct-17 23:00:49

And she was diagnosed with ASD too!

PoundsShillingsPence Sun 08-Oct-17 11:00:43

Great update. Did you give up your job or did school step up and act on the toileting?

halesie Fri 13-Oct-17 19:53:38

Hi OP!
Sorry, I completely failed to notice how old the FP was when I replied! Glad your DD is doing so well, she sounds settled and happy too which is awesome.

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