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Possible SN three year old, speech delay, don't know where to start with potty training!!(4 Posts)
We have a potty, we have training seats for every toilet in the house and we have a 37 month old who will tell us when he has had a poo (sometimes). If we ask him if he wants to sit on the toilet he says no. We have placed him on a potty and the toilet periodically and he will sit for a few seconds then start saying nooooo and get off.
He is under no pressure from preschool to be potty trained anytime soon. He is in pull ups and doesn't start school till Sept 2017. But I'm aware children should ideally be toilet trained around three and I'm concerned we haven't started yet.
His speech is definitely improving. His preschool is concerned he has SN so are asking for a one to one SALT professional to attend preschool and also asking for a paediatrician appnt for him. All those forms are going in in March. I am also 38 weeks pregnant so probably have a lot on my plate right now without adding potty training into the mix. But I think summer would be a good time to try when the weather is better. He loves chocolate so would definitely be motivated by that as a bribe. Any tips or book recommendations?
Wait for a diagnosis, to settle in with your new baby and get your head around what your child's general needs are first. I've a 3 year old who's just been diagnosed with autism, and not potty trained. I've decided to help my child with language and other weaknesses first.
I've posted this before so it's copied and pasted, but it might be helpful. I think I'm your situation I would wait a year unless your ds is really keen!
We had started using a big home made year planner to help ds learn about 'time' so we designated a day as 'Pants Day' and stuck a picture of pants on the calendar. Ds was 6 weeks shy of his 4th birthday and due to start reception in 5 months.
I bought a heap of cheap plastic bugs (his obsession at the time) which I individually wrapped in tissue paper and out in a jar labelled 'potty presents' on the cistern. Any wee (or poo) in loo got a bug.
Make sure you have a decent toilet seat (the 2 in 1 with integral toddler seat are very good) and a sturdy high enough step. Your child needs to feel secure, toilets are sometimes a bit scary, many children worry they will fall in. We tried a potty but ds was just too big by then.
Choose the right pants. Some children prefer the snugness of briefs, they've been wearing cosy nappies for ages so loose boxers can affect how they feel things. Girls might be more comfortable in boys pants.
Work out a schedule roughly like a school/nursery day. So, wake up, breakfast, morning snack, morning play, lunchtime, afternoon play, hometime, teatime, bedtime. About every 1.5 - 2 hours roughly.
Only give drinks at those times and encourage your child to drink a lot, give a salty snack and give favourite drinks.
Before every one of those scheduled times send child to toilet to 'try for a wee' and wash hands. Ask them to sit on the toilet, relax and wait a short time, a minute or so, tell jokes or recount a silly story, don't mention weeing. Whether they go or not ask them to wash their hands and carry on with your day.
The chances are you won't get many wees in the toilet in day one. My ds had 13 accidents day one. When he had an accident he was to go to the kitchen and strip off, I would wipe him down and send him off to get re-dressed. No fuss, no blame.
On day one you are trying to both get your child into decent toilet habits ready for school and to help them learn the sensations of needing a wee. You are also looking for your child's patterns. How long after a drink does your child need a wee. So:
Keep a diary of drinks and wees. I soon worked out my ds would have a wee 40 minutes after a proper drink, so I knew he needed to be asked to try for a wee 35 minutes after a drink. He could then work out the link between the sensations and the weeing.
Don't make your child sit on the toilet for long, if they are not ready or relaxed they won't go. It is also really hard to expel a small amount of urine if you're not ready and does not lead to good bladder habits either. You need your child to be able to feel a full bladder and respond at the right time. Otherwise you mess up all the signals.
On day 2 we went out for 2 hours and no accidents. In fact ds has only had one accident outside the house and school ever. It is exceptionally common for reception kids to have accidents, especially when engrossed, again, the routine of trying before every break/playtime helps a lot here.
Bizarrely he became instantly dry at night.
Poos took a lot longer, he continued to mostly poo in pants until end of reception, thankfully his poo time is evening. Again, no fuss. We got there in the end.
We've had ongoing issues with ds not feeling he needs to go, so he still needs to be sent to the toilet some of the time, we notice when he has a full bladder because he gets really antsy and grrrrr IYSWIM? He gets fidgety and lacks concentration when he needs a poo.
First thing I would say is you potty train when your child is ready not when he is at an expected age. Some dc 'get it' the minute they turn 2, others still struggle at 4 and this is entirely normal (even with no SN). My ds didn't really get it until he was 5 though we started training at 3. In retrospect this was probably due to dyspraxia though we didn't realise he had this when we started toilet training (though we knew he had speech delay). As you are expecting any day, I would put off trying until you are settled with the baby.
The other thing I would say is every child has a different journey to being trained. I would give polters suggestion a go and you may find them very helpful but a lot of them wouldn't have worked with my dc. My dc were all slowish trainers and not at all reward driven. Some dc just seem to need to be shown pants and they are dry day and night. Some take a lot longer that is mostly down to the child not the parents technique.
If your dc are like mine, buy lots of cheap pants, trousers, socks and washable shoes!
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