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Need some perspective... or something to hit her with!

(13 Posts)
Bookeatingboy Tue 19-Jan-16 21:20:59

I've nearly reached the end of my fuse with ds's CT. And of course I'm joking about something to hit her with.

She appears to be from the school of "I will impose my will on this child" and I seriously am struggling to remain professional. I've never had a serious issue with any of his CT until now and I just don't know what to do next.

He has ASD/ADHD & 7. Yesterday she was absent? NQ TA stood in, ds dealt with this change by being excessively chatty in class and in his words was shouted at by this TA and them moved down the traffic light system by shouting "bookeatingboy move your picture now". He fixated on this all day because he get anxious about this bloomin traffic light system and he understood that if "he was good he could go back up at the end of the day". He approached her at the end of the day to put his picture back and again his words she "pulled a angry face and said tomorrow".

Cue huge meltdown all the way home and for the majority of the evening.

I wrote in his book the above. She wrote back stating she had spoken to ds and was impressed by how well he moved on from the situation"

His version is completely different. Apparently he was taken into a room by CT who asked him what sort of face she had, he told her it was angry and then she shouted.. "I am angry because you lied to your mum, TA does not lie and CT's do not lie, do you understand bookeatingboy. Now you go and apologise to TA for lying about her". He added that he was very scared and she was very aggressive to me. I voice recorded this BTW.

So someone is telling porkies and I don't believe it's DS!

Please tell me what you would do...

zzzzz Tue 19-Jan-16 21:47:30

I really don't know what to suggest but hope someone wiser comes along soon. I was bullied by a teacher in just the way you describe and it has stayed with me. I'm so sorry this has happened.


Bookeatingboy Tue 19-Jan-16 22:00:34

He's been asking me all night if he is bad and am I going to have a bad life mum... sad My heart is breaking for him. What sort of teacher thinks it's ok to shout at a child every day let alone a child with a disability.

I seriously don't want to send him to school until I've got to the bottom of this

Ineedmorepatience Tue 19-Jan-16 22:03:16

I had incidents of teachers saying things had happened differently to how Dd3 described! I did remind them that she repeated conversations verbatim.

Dd3 does catastrophise but I knew she was describing things accurately!

I know for a fact that teachers have lied in the past! We had way more problems with adults in school that children!

Hope you can get it sorted!

Ineedmorepatience Tue 19-Jan-16 22:04:01

"Than" blush

Bookeatingboy Tue 19-Jan-16 23:04:43

I'm sorry you had the same Ineed DS does catastrophise too and can usually be replied upon to repeat word for word.

How did you deal with it?

I'm torn between taking the voice recording of what ds said into school in the morning or not sending him to school until I've spoken to her.

Ineedmorepatience Wed 20-Jan-16 09:28:27

I didnt sort it! We threw the towel in for many many reasons and are currently home edding!

Sorry that doesnt help you! hmm

frazzledbutcalm Wed 20-Jan-16 09:51:11

We've had similar situations regularly. Thankfully, not where the teacher has been as bad as yours OP. flowers for you.

Dd also says things exactly as they happen. She'll come home with a situation that's happened, when I mention it to the lovely Senco, she looks into it and reports back that it didn't quite happen in the way dd says ... So nothing is done, nothing changed, just dd feels more disheartened. We have to just leave it, I talk to dd, let her know I believe her, talk her through what she could have said/done at the time (even though I know she'll NEVER, EVER do any of the things I say sad). Our issues have been mainly minor things (to others, but major to dd) so we've been able to leave it.

I'm not sure what to do OP ... can you have a meeting with all the staff involved, Head Teacher, and your ds? Maybe they won't/can't lie to your face with ds being there? Or maybe have 2 meetings, 1 without ds and 1 with? I don't know the best way but I think you definitely need to take it further. Even just to let them know the situation was badly managed in the first place. Remind them of all your ds needs etc.

I hope someone can offer better advice for you soon.

Good luck flowers

Bookeatingboy Wed 20-Jan-16 11:39:15

Thanks Ineed sorry that things got to that point for you and dd. I often think of doing the same, even more so at the moment.

Thank also frazzle. I woke more angry than upset today, sometimes when things like happen I need a good cry to get it out of my system and this seems to motivate me into action. I couldn't get in first thing as was shooting off for an appointment so have communicated ds's version of the meeting with CT and told her I have recorded it and I have put it on my list to discuss at his next IEP which is imminent.

She won't like this at all since we just transferred over to a different support team (due to ds age) and his named person will be in attendance for the first time. My thinking is that she will contact me beforehand to have a meeting.

I've already involved the Senco and HT about other issues with this CT, they supported me at the meeting but nothings changed at all with CT. Although who's to know they were just trying to keep me sweet and saying another thing to the CT.

Anyhow I'll use this anger to be a thorn in her side at least.

runningouttaideas Wed 20-Jan-16 14:57:46

Hello, How awful for your Ds and I would second Ineed about the adults being the biggest problem, I could fill your thread with examples. My Ds repeats verbatim too. I'm afraid he has had a couple of teachers like this, these are the ones he is constantly rude to aka having Asperger's. I have been in and have explained this same thing to Ds's HT and I know for a fact that HT has spoken to the teacher because Ds has come home that day and jovially announced that miss said that she will continue to shout at me because you can take the teacher out of the strict but you cant take the strict out of the teacher and that I have got to tell you. Which he found hilarious because she doesn't know me why would she want me to tell you? So I told Ds all about a wonderful teacher from my primary school who everyone had respect for and would try their best for because she never ever once raised her voice, I couldn't resist. I have now developed selective hearing when dealing with said teacher.

If I were you I would put all of your effort into helping you Ds to get over the shit from school believe me there is always a handful of people who will not listen because they always know better when in reality they are causing most of the issues they then have to face in the classroom. If it continues give him some time off school and give the reason as anxiety. I can guarantee the HT will be in touch, attendance is always taken very seriously.

Bookeatingboy Wed 20-Jan-16 19:16:33

Thanks running Senco is always singing my praises for all the support ds gets at home. I always support school in any way I can too. Academically he has also made great progress with my additional support. His progress since Reception has been tremendous and I'm not about to let this CT start demolishing his self esteem.

As I expected she has not taken kindly to my entry in the communication book!

She hasn't written anything in the book tonight (very childish) but there is a message from the HT saying that he is fully aware of the situation and would like to discuss this further at ds's IEP meeting, which incidentally he never usually attends. Looks set to be an interesting meeting!

So predictable, frustratingly the Senco is fab, she knows her stuff and genuinely cares about the children. She does her very best by running groups sessions for parents etc. Sadly she is off on Maternity leave in a couple of months.

Youarentkiddingme Wed 20-Jan-16 19:46:22

Grrrr I hate this. I've Lao has numerous occasions where I've had to remind people DS repeats conversations word for word. I also find it helps (which is true in my DS case) to remind them they don't have the emotional skills to assign any emotion to conversation so cannot twist it or use intoneation to change meaning of the exchange.

My DS is also the same re anxiety about getting into trouble - he also had traffic light system when in infants. The system is not used correctly if when they are moved down they are not moved back up immediately for acceptable and appropriate behaviour. It's just a negative visual aid to remind them at 10am they did something unacceptable - even if between 10.01am and 3.15pm their behaviour was entirely acceptable.

And ineed is right - the adults create more of an issue for the pupil than their peers. Mad really when we are discussing ASD!

Lazeedayz Thu 21-Jan-16 21:42:17

In similar situations I used to get, "ds perception" very frustrating.

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