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ASD and "naughty" behaviour.

(13 Posts)
PhilPhilConnors Wed 13-Jan-16 18:29:31

I have a meeting coming up at school for ds2 to try to get some support again .
He masks in school and copies his peers, but is told off for giddy outbursts and other things which, when he's told me, I think are stims (clicking, pulling his fingers back, things like that).
Going by behaviour at home, I'm also pretty sure the giddiness is a sensory thing, triggered by things like change, too much noise, too much excitement.
School are certain these things are down to naughtiness, because after all, he is a 10 yr old boy who can do naughty things, it's not all down to ASD. This hasn't been said outright, but the times he has been told off, they know that he's just being naughty.
How do I tackle this?
CAMHS are also involved, but despite ds's diagnosis, they are still pointing the finger at parenting, so I hunk they will back school up.
Specialist services are involved, but I've yet to see any changes.

lorisparkle Wed 13-Jan-16 20:35:53

I do find it so frustrated when it is presumed that behaviour is due to parenting. Even though I am a teacher myself I have had comments from school about DS1 (who has atypical autism) such as 'we would not let him get away with that at school' - implying that I let him get away with things at home. I had hoped getting the diagnosis would prevent some of the misunderstandings but I think he is still misunderstood at school. I have got a fantastic book called 'Understanding your child's sensory signals' 3rd Edition by Angie Voss. It talks about some of the behaviours and then says what might be causing them and how to deal with them. Looking through it you might find sections that you could highlight to the professionals involved who might take more notice if it is written in black and white.

PolterGoose Wed 13-Jan-16 20:43:47

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PhilPhilConnors Wed 13-Jan-16 21:07:28

Thank you Lori, I've bought the kindle book, so will have a read.
We naively thought a diagnosis would help, but nope!
Thanks Polter smile
The meeting is in a couple of weeks I think, I'm going to be prepared for it.
On the plus side ds watched Autistic Genius on YouTube tonight and loved it, really identified with the things he was saying. I might spam the headteacher with relevant videos!

OneInEight Thu 14-Jan-16 07:24:56

If he was just being "naughty" why are the normal strategies / sanctions that school use not working?

ds2 often goes through a manic stage when building up to a meltdown. To the non-perceptive he looks as if he is enjoying himself and was a real problem when he had new teachers / TA's.

Does your son have an IBP where the atypical ways he communicates are listed and their meaning so that teachers can intervene early. E.g, Signs of anxiety - rocking on chair, sucking on jumper.

Have school done a sensory audit of the classroom so he is placed in the best place for him e.g. where coming and going is kept to a minimum, furthest away from background noise.

Has he had an EP assessment - ours picked up immediately how stressed ds2 was by his body language which had been completely missed by the teachers who thought it was largely copied behaviour and attention seeking.

PhilPhilConnors Thu 14-Jan-16 07:54:23

At school he looks like he's responding normally to sanctions, then blows up in the car, unless I respond right and it waits until home.
Apparently with PDA it's fairly common for children to mask exceptionally well, but when they blow, it's very difficult to come back from it - which is what we're trying to avoid.
He had an EP assessment 3-4 years ago, but she couldn't see anything, we would have to go private to have someone experienced in masking children, but hat would cost nearly £2000 which we don't have.
No IBP, I keep asking for a CAN-do assessment (I think it's a North Yorkshire thing), but keep being fobbed off as he is "fine".
No sensory audit, although I can ask the specialist services lady to look into this.
I have asked for a few small things to be put into place (things like assuming bad behaviour is down to overload and sensory stuff, a home to school book, as much notice as possible of supply teachers being in for the day, things like that)
Just yesterday I struggled to get him into school, on the journey there he told me there was a supply teacher in, once home he sobbed and begged me to kill him for hours. Why couldn't I have been told the night before?
Re. EHCP, havimg looked into, I really don't think ds would get one as he doesn't need any 1:1, only a few tweaks here and there, which bloody bastarding school will not do!
You'd think they would want to help one of their pupils wouldn't you?

PhilPhilConnors Thu 14-Jan-16 08:00:26

He'd been told off yesterday for clicking and flicking his fingers. hmm

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 14-Jan-16 10:11:23

"Re. EHCP, havimg looked into, I really don't think ds would get one as he doesn't need any 1:1, only a few tweaks here and there, which bloody bastarding school will not do!"

AN EHCP is not just about 1 to 1 so that is not a good reason for not applying. Personally applying for such a document would also put some bottoms into gear. If in doubt blame the parents is something that gets old very quickly. This school are out of their depth and have no real idea of what to do with your child. CAMHS also seem to have been pretty much useless here as well. They are between them failing him as a result.

I would read IPSEAs website and contact them using their callback service.

You are his best - and only - advocate here.

PhilPhilConnors Thu 14-Jan-16 10:50:12

I will do. Thank you Attila.

Obs2016 Fri 15-Jan-16 13:41:23

Phil, you know I totally get everything that happens to you, as you have said on my threads, that you have very similar to me.

What are you thinking about going next?

PhilPhilConnors Fri 15-Jan-16 14:32:30

I've been handed an individual provision map today (coincidence that there's an important meeting coming up?)
I was supposed to sign it and hand it back, but I'm not happy with a couple of things so have added to it to discuss with the senco.
Long term I don't know, I imagine these are things that will crop up again and again.
My sister has agreed to come to the meeting with me, she works in HR so has very good communication skills and won't focus on the wrong points or get emotionally involved.
I am becoming a PITA parent, and emailing every time I'm not happy about something, but I think if I wasn't I'd be letting ds down.
How are you getting on Obs?

Pythonesque Sun 17-Jan-16 10:52:17

I really feel for you here. My 10 yr old son is part-way through assessment and I'm really hoping we get some useful results out of it (so incidentally is his school). Really interesting report from his choirmaster last term - noting that he is often unintentionally disruptive in choir practice - thank goodness he is so perceptive!! (son is a chorister, many hours choir practice a week - the clear expectations and boundaries definitely help him) Hope you can get some proper help.

PhilPhilConnors Sun 17-Jan-16 15:33:35

Thanks Python.
Ds was a chorister for a few months, he had to stop as he kept fainting when they rehearsed in the chapter house!
It won't be the same place though, our choirmaster was as perceptive as a brick. smile

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