Toddler and Favourite Toys/Things

[BigDamnHero]

DS1 (three) has a diagnosis of ASD. I'm pretty sure DS2 (two in March) is also autistic but haven't started trying to get a diagnosis yet.

DS2 is really big on routine. He has his favourite toy: a cuddly dog called Fergus who has to go with him to bed, when he gets up, when we go somewhere etc. Fine.

DS1 has a hoover obsession and has various Henry Hoover toys so I got DS2 a little cuddly one because he liked them. That soon became a second favourite toy and also comes along everywhere. It's only small so not too much of an issue (though, this does mean it fits through the bars of DS2's cot, which causes some problems at night). Okay.

Then, the elf I got both boys a Christmas book each on Christmas Eve. DS2 got Dear Santa. He loves it, which is great, but then he started insisting it went in his cot with him at night. That was okay. He didn't need to cuddle it or anything so it just sat in his cot near the bottom and wasn't an issue. Then, he started insisting this book came with him when he got up. As of yet, the book doesn't have to come in the car (though, he will ask to have it read to him several times through the day).

Last night I thought I'd try DS2 with a pillow because he doesn't sleep well and he quite likes to put things under his head so thought it was worth a go. My mum has these small pillows that came with sleeping bags she has so I tried one of those.

He didn't want the pillow under his head but he did want it in the cot next to him. Then, this morning...yeah, you can see where this is going. So, we have Fergus, Henry, the book and the pillow all through in the living room.

He doesn't do well with waking up and if he's refused one of these things we're not talking a little cry, we're talking an hour or more of screaming, scratching himself/others, writhing around the floor etc.

But, I feel this has the potential to snowball and where do we stop? We'll end up carrying round 20 toys, five books, a pillow, a blanket and a DVD or something if I'm not careful.

Anyone have any advice or can share their experience of similar?

[BigDamnHero]

Thank you both.

DS1 has a backpack that always comes out with us but it tends to have a change of clothes for him in it (it's his preschool bag so always has spare clothes and it seems easy to bring that along on any other journey in case of car sickness/toilet accident etc.) but he's not that fussed about bringing toys along (likes to have one or two totally random items like a plastic spatula or the hook from his Playmobil pick-up truck but doesn't really have a favourite toy as such other than his hoovers) so he probably wouldn't mind having limited space.

DS2 does have a tiny backpack, actually, but I've never really used it for him. It's one of those ones you can attach reins onto (although, I think he'd have a meltdown if I tried to but the reins on) and used to be DS1's. I can try using that next time we go out.

I guess I'll just chill out about what he wants in his cot. He's the one who has to sleep in it, I suppose. DS1 has occasionally taken a new figure or car or something to bed with him but generally he doesn't like to have anything on his bed at all (and used to throw any toys out of his cot) so it was never an issue with him!

[Youarentkiddingme]

Yeah I'd let him have what he wants in his cot. Ds has loads of random stuff in bed with him. He also has a soft toy he will not leave the house without.

Backpack for going out is a great idea.

Once he's in a bed it may be easier to limit what's taken because if stuff is on a bed it's easier to access during the day if he wants it.

I guess it's what you decide. I'm a weather the storm parent to get what I think is acceptable at the end. So I'd limit and weather the storm until he got it iyswim? Use of photos can be great. Eg a photo of stuff somewhere in his room and that's where things get left and another photo of his backpack with things he can out in there.

Just decide what's ok, what's your limit and what's important for you and use visuals and repetition until it becomes less of a battle.
I do think you may need to a draw a line somewhere if he's collecting items at a rate of knots