I have a 7 yr old son with aspergers who takes great delight in winding his dad up. Think he does it on purpose but not sure what goes on his head - he knows the behaviour his dad expects but he just loves to annoy him. I see nothing of this behaviour when is just me with him but when his dad is around he behaves completely differently .DH doesn't spend much time with us because of our sons behaviour . Mt son knows what behaviour his dad doesn't tolerate but still does it then my DH shouts and screams at him then storms off and when DH is gone he becomes compliant and polite once again. These 3 days are the worst of the year as I have to play referee for 72 hours if hubby would just ignore the behavior I am sure eventually son would stop but he loves the attention he gets for doing it. So any advice on how to survive these next few days would be very welcome.
It's highly unlikely that the child with a disability that includes significant deficit in social communication is going to be able to navigate his way out of this cyclical behaviour. His Father on the other hand could and should. What you are describing is emotional abuse.
To be fair zzzz, very few people at all have the ability to change cyclical behaviour. Learned behaviours codepend on expected outcomes, even if they are unpleasant outcomes. We dont have to look hard for it in all of our lives!
That being said, it is clearly on the adult in any relationship with a child to accept responsibility for behaviour. Of the child behaves in anticipation of an outcome, and that outcome is undesirable to the adult, then the adult needs to change it.
I would suggest that most (all?) of the posters on this forum HAVE changed how they think, feel and behave because their lives no longer allow for the kind of complacency that says "it's just the way we are, we can't change that".