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ASD son constantly lying

(7 Posts)
PlaysWellWithOthers Fri 18-Dec-15 19:56:47

Hi.

This is incredibly difficult, and I have tried all sorts of things, but my DS, who has ASD constantly lies. About stupid little things.

Have you fed the dogs?
Have you brought your washing downstairs?

The final straw came tonight when it turned out that he hadn't actually let a family member know what he wants for Christmas, despite me asking him if he had, and him assuring me he had and even offering to show me the message. I should have looked. My incredibly abusive family will have a field day, but that's another story.

He ALWAYS gets caught out.

He ALWAYS agrees that lying is horrible, he HATES it when people lie to him.

He's 17. I'm at my wit's end about this now. Any suggestions that also allow him a degree of autonomy? Or do I need to return to basically policing everything in his life?

PolterGoose Fri 18-Dec-15 21:10:22

Is it generally in response to what he might see as a demand or accusation? Just thinking of the way you've worded your examples "Have you ... ?" and wondering if you depersonalise it and make it "Have the dogs been fed?" "Is the washing downstairs?" he might respond differently. TBH with the washing and present things there are simple natural consequences to my having done it, no clean clothes and no present, so I'd be tempted to let it happen.

PlaysWellWithOthers Sat 19-Dec-15 10:49:08

You might be right there actually.

The clean clothes thing is a constant bug bear, he'd happily wear the exact same set of clothes until they fell off him!

We've had a chat this morning and in between the really sad revelation that he thought he'd 'cured' his ASD, which broke me a bit, we've agreed that, for the time being, we're going to go back to visual time tables and story boards. His friends all know about his ASD, and will be kind, he is so worried about being 'normal'.

Hopefully that will work.

PolterGoose Sat 19-Dec-15 11:05:44

Good luck

I don't think there's enough awareness of the executive functioning problems which so often accompany autism.

PlaysWellWithOthers Sat 19-Dec-15 13:10:15

Thanks Polter, and thanks for letting me rant. I was having a bit of an 'Oh! Poor me!' moment, but it's not me at all.

PolterGoose Sat 19-Dec-15 13:12:24

Sometimes it's helps just to write it out smile

Sunnyshores Tue 29-Dec-15 14:03:31

Poltergoose is so right, Id forgotten all about EF.

My son has mild Aspergers and is 14, its been 3 years now since we've had any real difficulties. In that I mean daily problems at school and with socialising, he no longer has S&L support, SEN etc and its almost as if he doesnt have ASD anymore - apart from a rare meltdown he's just a grumpy, uncommunicative, rude, techno-mad teenager. So I no longer pour daily over Autisim resources.

But this thread reminded me that actually he is now a teen with Aspergers and as such still has difficulties - he lies too, he has poor hygiene, he doesnt give a damn about most things, he still gets angry easily, he is forgetful, messy and EF explains this. Off now to google and see what I can do to help him.

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