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How do I tell my 14 year old she has aspergers?

(13 Posts)
Emochild Tue 15-Dec-15 06:28:16

I first raised my concerns about dd when she was 3 -no one saw what I did and I was told 'she's just exceptionally bright, go and enjoy her'

Primary school she coped but high school was a different story and she's been school refusing since Easter

The school refusal led to a Camhs referral and I was given her diagnosis yesterday

She knew she was being assessed for ASD but refused to come to yesterday's appointment

How on earth do I tell her?

zzzzz Tue 15-Dec-15 06:47:25

Directly and factually. She presumably knew the results of the investigation where coming? She's 14. Is she just sticking her head in the ground?
I would just say it and get on with living with it.

GlitteryShoes Tue 15-Dec-15 06:51:04

I think you just have to be honest. But also explain its a word, doesn't change who she is or how you feel about her, and that it may give some opportunities to help her with her difficulties. Maybe contact your local NAS - there are quite a few groups and clubs for young people. My daughter attends a climbing club and day trips with other autistic teens and really enjoys them.

She may really be angry with her diagnosis - teens often focus their anger and unhappiness on one thing ( braces/ hair colour/ sister etc) - some of it is normal teen behaviour, some of it will be related to her ASD. Just be there for her.

My teen is very happy and accepts her quirkiness. This is how we talk to her about it. She has lots of unusual interests and we celebrate them and don't push her into stuff she doesn't want to do. My dad goes to an ASD unit and is very happy there and doing well academically - might be worth seeing what is available locally.

Ineedapiginblanket Tue 15-Dec-15 10:30:50

I agree with honesty!

Dont pansy around with fluffiness, just say it as it is and get the skeleton out of the cuboard! Its part of your lives now.

Have a look at Alis Rowe "The girl with the curly hair" she has a website, facebook page and writes books about being a young female with Asd/Aspergers.

Good luck flowers

Emochild Tue 15-Dec-15 19:13:16

Thank you -she's in foul mood so i'm saving it for tomorrow

zzzzz Tue 15-Dec-15 20:41:56

I'd tell her on Friday and prepare for a stormy weekend.

It will be done soon

Emochild Wed 16-Dec-15 09:44:12

I told her this morning -her response was 'i'm not crazy, it's everyone else that has a problem'

....and then she talked at me about anime for about 20 minutes

zzzzz Wed 16-Dec-15 09:48:57

Well I'm glad she's not crazy grin

Did you point out that asd isn't anything to do with MH/being crazy? Though we don't want to limit her, so do stress she can be "crazy" and have asd grin

Branleuse Wed 16-Dec-15 09:59:43

make sure you tell her about all the famous geniuses with aspergers. Big it up x

Emochild Wed 16-Dec-15 10:12:16

I've told her not crazy, just brain wired differently to the masses!

I'm actually getting to meet the senco today -access previously denied as school had decided I was a crap parent as she had no diagnosis and was she was just playing me

zzzzz Wed 16-Dec-15 11:16:00

A spies for freedom, used to be lovely but you might find this board appeals to her if she enjoys a more positive take on things.

Personally I think the opening essay is FANTASTIC

Emochild Wed 16-Dec-15 12:04:18

Thanks zzzzz

I'll have a good look at that

So much of what I've read so far just doesn't seem relevant to us

ouryve Wed 16-Dec-15 12:08:24

You tell her honestly.

Obviously, you don't say "now we know what's wrong with you" because that's probably her greatest fear and the reason why she's disengaged with the diagnostic process - that you've been looking for something "wrong". What you can tell her is that you can now begin to understand how she ticks and look for ways, together, to make her life a bit easier.

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