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Change of routine for a child that struggles with this...

(7 Posts)
Fourarmsv2 Wed 02-Dec-15 07:59:08

So normally I don't work on a Wed so I take DS2 to school & pick him up.

Today I have a course so my DM will collect him and take him to his ASC.

I told him last night, I'll admit a part of me was tempted to tell him just as I dropped him off for school today.

Ever since he's been going on and on - I shouldn't be working, it's a Wednesday, he won't go if I don't take him (tempted to say he doesn't have to go, but it's an expensive activity (£25) and I don't want to set a precedent).

If I had told him at the last minute I'd have avoided the grief but he'd have had the same feelings but not been able to express them at school. That would have been wrong of me wouldn't it?

How do you handle change in routine?

PolterGoose Wed 02-Dec-15 09:41:44

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fourarmsv2 Wed 02-Dec-15 10:00:41

Thanks PG. It's hard, I know it's the right thing to do, but it does seem to prolong the agony.

What do you think about something that will cause extreme anxiety e.g. for my DS2 a BP test (two prior experiences of it really hurting). My inclination would be to leave it until the very last second - no matter how much prep we did he would not believe that it won't hurt so would constantly worry in the meantime.

He's usually OK with routine deviation - we have a very varied routine, but certain things matter to him and he gets upset if those are not adhered to - leaving on time in the morning, the days that I pick him up from school, the time that I'm home from work on the other days...

PolterGoose Wed 02-Dec-15 10:25:23

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

I would handle it the same way you did. Tell DS ahead of time but not so far ahead that he'll obsess too much. Too little notice and like you say he will still have those feelings, at least knowing the night before gives him a chance to ask a gazillion questions air the anxieties to you if he is able. With my DS I try not to spring things on him at the last minute and instead choose to give him notice but like Polter says in a very matter of fact kind of way. If there's no warning of these things happening IMO the tendency would be for the DC to feel more generalised anxiety as they never know when something might suddenly change. I also do as much planning as I need to before I speak to DS about things as I know he will want to know as much as possible about the change to ease his own anxiety about it so it's no good if my answer is "I don't know" to everything - but that's probably me trying to ease my own anxieties as well, if I'm prepared then I can handle the Spanish inquisition questions about it 15 different ways and repeat Let us know how he copes with the change

Fourarmsv2 Wed 02-Dec-15 21:48:16

Well, the grief was all for nothing!

In the end because he couldn't cope with maybe me being back in time to take him I told him I wouldn't be. Things improved after that, the uncertainty was adding to it, maybe he felt I had a choice?

But in the end my meeting finished early and I got back a couple of minutes after my DM had collected him from school and so I could take him to ASC. One happy DS2.

It was quite funny because my DN was there too. DS2 has a bit of a post school wind down which involves handstands and forward and backward rolls. DN (18m) couldn't understand what on earth he was doing upside down and kept poking him smile

Thanks for the heads up re BP cuff. Maybe it's much more distressing for him than I'm giving him credit for. I always wonder if he's got some sort of PTSD from being very ill when he was much younger? A blood test a few weeks ago was dreadful, thankfully we got referred to childrens outpatients which was really quiet (late in the day) so four nurses and one play therapist later they managed to get blood out of him smile I recorded him afterwards saying 'that wasn't so bad actually' to play next time! Will he believe it though?

PolterGoose Wed 02-Dec-15 22:01:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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