Aspergers?

[lisaneedsarest]

Hi I'm after a bit of advice please - I think there is a strong possibility my DS (8) has some for of Aspergers, I've always thought he behaved in ways that were not 'normal' but as he has grown older more things worry me. I've looked at symptoms of Aspergers on the national autism website and many of them describe things my DS does. He is also very, very clumsy so I suspect possible some dyspraxia symptoms. However he is doing extremely well at school - to the point that his teacher gave him the report that most parents dream about - he is intelligent, kind, helpful, friends with everyone, doesn't show off etc, etc. So his teacher clearly doesn't think there is a problem. My thoughts are that he is intelligent and so does a good job at hiding some of the things he knows may not be 'normal' also he has a very small core group of friends, he is on appearances friends with everyone, but get him out of the school situation, where there is control, rules and boundaries and he cannot get along, I just know as soon as he is put in with a group of 'friends' he struggles, bosses people about and gets angry/upset and can't cope. He also spends lots of breaktimes 'helping' the teacher which I think is his way of hiding the fact he doesn't know what to do with himself at playtime.

Anyway, my main concern is that his lack of social skills etc will show more and more as time goes on and others gain better social skills and he will suffer. Plus he can be incredibly hard work at home so some support with that would be nice! Do you think the best thing to do is discuss my concerns privately with his teacher and see if she notices anything? Or should I leave all alone and put it down to me being and over worrying mum?

[lisaneedsarest]

Also I can't speak to my DP as his reaction would be 'there's nothing wrong with him'. I don't see it as something wrong but after looking up symptoms and info about it, seeing that he may think and react differently to others has helped me not to overreact to some of his behaviours and also to avoid certain battles/conflicts and anxieties.

[lisaneedsarest]

Thanks, I think I will discuss my concerns with his teacher, and also write down the behaviours/difficulties I thinks he has.

Thanks for the recommendation of the book, I'll take a look. I'm not 100% sure what you mean about the triad, but the from list on the autism website I could tick at least 70% of them, whether the ones I couldn't identify him with were in one particular 1/3 of the triad I'm not sure. However in what degree they affect his life I don't know, I guess his teacher will be able to say more as she can maybe take a look deeper and see if she thinks he is hiding anything if I detail my concerns.

I certainly don't think he has anything more than mild aspergers or dyspraxia considering he manages so well at school.

[lisaneedsarest]

Thanks and you have put into words my exact fears. Sometimes I can see he is unhappy and I hate it and hate that there is nothing I can do. From what I see he does have difficulties in all three areas so I think I am going to speak to his teacher and also the SN at his school, who knows him well anyway (just not in her SN capacity). Thanks so much for your advice it was exactly what I needed to hear.

[athomewithcats]

I would say as a parent who is awaiting assessment for ds who is 'fine' at school, that if you have concerns then follow them up.
We left it a while before we referred and that was 18mths ago. We have been told that it will be at least another 6 months. The waiting is hard. I now wished we'd asked for referral sooner.

[AttilaTheMeerkat]

Do not forget though that many teachers are not trained at all or have little training in the whole gamut that is SN. They are not trained to spot any child who may be on the ASD spectrum.

If you are worried and you rightly have cause for concern then I would ask the GP to refer you to a developmental paediatrician.

You also need to think longer term re schooling i.e. transfer to secondary school. How is he going to manage there?. It can all too easily fall apart at secondary.