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Dont know what to do anymore

(11 Posts)
shazzarooney99 Fri 06-Nov-15 10:01:57

son started kicking off this morning, he diddnt want to go to school, i buried my maam 2 days ago, the night before she was buried he kicked off, tried strangling me, was screaming, pulled my top really hard tried pulling my hair and knocked my glasses off.

Anyway this morning he tells me he doesnt want to go into school, kicks off i managed to get him in and i told school hes unhappy, hes has been since he changed class and a new teacher,hes always had female teachers and this year has a male teacher and i dont know if this could be something to do with it.

Now as well as this we have a sen girl next door whom hes always played with, there are another 2 sen children across the road that he totally clashes with, anyway the girl next door has always played with him, and when he asks her to play she will say im playing with the 2 across the road which sends him into a major meltdown every single day, im not quite sure if this other child is getting a bit of a kick seeing him kick off, but its getting right on my tits as im the one that has to deal with it all.

Went into school, spoke to Senco this morning, she was lovely i broke down, shes going to get in touch with a few people, last week i phoned the peadatrician and asked for an earlier appointment ive not heard anything!

Cahms wont do nothing they have to me its not a mental health issue hes needs an Asd assesment.

Last time we saw peadatrician we were told bascially cause the normal one is on maternity his hands were tied till the normal one comes back as she knows my son better.

When my son tried getting hold of the knives again a few weeks ago i took him a&e and said he needs help, i was told that they would get in contact with peadatrician ect but nobody has been back, Cahms did get back again and basically said theres nothing we can do.

I am sick of my child being so unhappy, i am sick of being fobbed off, i am sick of going round in circles, i am just bloody sick of the lot of it, all these bloody services and nobody wants to help.

zzzzz Fri 06-Nov-15 11:12:28

I'm so sorry your Mum died and everything is so very hard for you at the moment. The grief will get more bearable and your child will grow and mature. It won't always be like this.
Lots of easy meals and lazy parenting for a bit. Anything that helps be it tablets or TV or Lego everywhere. Give it some time.

brew and cake and you are not alone.

PolterGoose Fri 06-Nov-15 11:38:18

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

shazzarooney99 Fri 06-Nov-15 13:11:44

Thanks guys, i really appreciate it, ist just the bloody stupidity of the system that children go without the help they need.

deadwitchproject Fri 06-Nov-15 13:43:44

very sorry for your loss flowers sorry I'm not able to offer decent advice but I hope things take a turn for the better soon

Youarentkiddingme Fri 06-Nov-15 16:26:59

I'm so very sorry for your recent bereavement. flowers

I like the idea of a letter being sent to everyone. Someone I know rang SS and told them she couldn't cope. Explained the violence etc and the pushed from pillar to post. When asked what she wanted them to do she said "come and get him or I'll come and drop him off at your office as I cannot go on".
She never would have let him go but it worked - they came out next morning first thing and did an assessment and got her support.

shazzarooney99 Fri 06-Nov-15 18:04:41

Thanks guys, the socail services thing scares me, do ya know what i mean? ive had enough on my plate this year, partner had a heart attack and became agrophobic with the stress from our son.

I do like the idea of a letter though and sending it to everyone.

Received another letter from Cahms this morning and it was in response to the peadatrician who tried getting my son rereffered after us being told he diddnt need Cahms he needed an Asd assesment! its a bloody joke.

GruntledOne Fri 06-Nov-15 18:25:51

Don't be scared about social services, they're there to help and it sounds as if you would definitely qualify for help. Contact them immediately and ask for care assessments for all of you.

Also find out who is in charge of health services in your area and write to them about this situation; also find out about their complaints procedure and use it. It is utterly ludicrous that a child who clearly needs help should be denied it purely because of this nonsense about waiting for the paediatrician to come back from maternity leave. What are they going to do if she doesn't come back? It doesn't matter that the current paediatrician doesn't know your child, he can bloody well read the notes and find out about him.

It could also be worth finding solicitors who deal with health issues and offer legal aid (you should get legal aid in your son's name even if you don't qualify). I think Irwin Mitchell probably deal with this. See if you can bring a legal challenge in relation to the fact that you can't get basic medical help for your child.

GruntledOne Fri 06-Nov-15 18:26:07

Also write to your MP and local councillors.

AgnesDiPesto Fri 06-Nov-15 19:08:14

Refer to this new NICE guidance on LD and Challenging Behaviour. www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng11/chapter/1-Recommendations

As you can see it doesn't require a diagnosis of autism - the fact someone has CB is enough.

It is new and many Trusts / LAs etc are not prepared for it but basically they all have to develop specialist behaviour services across all ages and across education, health and social care.

Someone - a psych or behaviour analyst should assess what might be causing the behaviour (a functional assessment) and design interventions (& check they work). They don't need to have known your child before - they just need to know what they are doing! If they don't have a psych etc qualified to assess CB then they can pay a private ABA consultant to do it.

I suspect they won't have developed a service which is why we all need to make formal complaints or consider legal action until they do.

shazzarooney99 Fri 06-Nov-15 20:04:36

School are buying in a private Ed pych, it will be in the new year though. The trouble is though he does not display this violence in school, he is an absolute stickler for the rules at school, thats a bit of why he kicked off this morning because he haddnt done his spelling and diddnt have his book, he diddnt have it because school had it and they must have been given out whilst we were at my maams funeral on Weds, so then he wouldnt get ready and was screaming he diddnt want to go, i phoned his teacher up and let him listen to him screaming.

I work for an agency and dont get sick pay, so today i decided i am going sick for a bit and having a bit of me time.

Thanks for all the advice guys.

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