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Not sure if I am being 'precious'

(3 Posts)
neverputasockinatoaster Thu 05-Nov-15 13:27:10

DD is 8. She has a dx of ASC (possibly PDA but not on her dx as Ed psych was in two minds) and ADHD. She is avery anxious child, mostly masks at school but lets it out as she leaves the building.

Yesterday she came out of school with red eyes and told me she had to finish a piece of work at home otherwise she would not be allowed to go on the school trip. As she normally gets on with work if she is happy with it I was a bit suprised.
After a nightmare journey home and time to chill she asked if she could get the work done. It was a piece of RE, normally her favourite, and consisted of 10 sentences saying how she could follow Jesus (Catholic school). She had done 6 and said she couldn't think of anymore. I asked why she hadn't got it done and she told me she couldn't think of anymore and she couldn't remember the ones the class had suggested. We did the work with a lot of tears but ended up not going to an activity because she felt she couldn't cope with coping.
Collared the teacher this morning and asked for his 'side' and he said she basically just stopped working. She wasn't messing around or crying but just stopped. She hadn't asked for help (She won't) and I'm not sure if he went to see why she had stopped or not.
It was a bit rushed this morning as they were off on the trip and I don't feel I got the answers I needed.
I want to write him a note and ask him lots of questions such as.... Were there visual clues for the ideas? Did you go and see why she had stopped working? Did you actually read the bloddy report that says she will often just withdraw rather than have a 'do' if she is anxious?
She usually works hard and is a very compliant child at school. I just think that if this is the first time she has 'refused' to work then the sanction seems harsh (threat of missing trip) but if this is now a regular thing and she is 'refusing' to work a lot then I need to know!

bicyclebell Thu 05-Nov-15 14:17:28

My son was kept in at both breaktimes and lunch time on Tuesday to redo his work because he was not concentrating. The work he had done was messy. He spent the whole day working. At lunch time he was made to redo his work 3 times by the deputy head. His words when he got home were 'I had no time all day to play or talk to my friends Mummy'.

My son has cerebral palsy. In his statement it says that his attention is affected.

We know for a fact that he hadn't been naughty. In fact at the end of the day the teacher congratulated him in front of the class for doing his work 3 times at lunch time without complaining.

I kept him off school the next day and wrote an email explaining why. When my husband went to see the head teacher today she told him that it was our fault - pretty much. It was all flipped back onto us. The school have taken no responsibility for their actions.

We have another meeting next week.

I think schools are horrible places and I am waiting to be pushed over the edge and then I'll homeschool. I just don't have the courage to do it without this push.

But I can feel that push coming.

Your experience echoes mine and I am sorry for you and your daughter. My advice would be to fight for them to treat her with respect. But I know from experience that school will make this a hard fight.

GruntledOne Thu 05-Nov-15 15:08:25

OP, it sounds like you need a meeting with the class teacher and SENCO to ensure he has all the information about her SEN and to reinforce that he shouldn't be waiting for her to ask for help, he should be looking out to see if she needs it, especially if she just stops working. Does she have a statement or EHCP? If not it could be worth discussing a request for assessment, it would be helpful if all the details could be properly spelt out in an EHCP.

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