Not coping with DS and ADHD ASD

[lampshady]

Hi, Just wanted some patenting advice really please.

DS (6) has ADHD and ASD. He's hard work. Doesn't sleep, anxious, angry, doesn't listen, dangerous, obsessive. He's also funny, kind (in his own way), brilliant at sport and very interested in everything.

He's under SALT and paed. School offer a lot of support and he's only in the classroom 20% of the time as has a lot of one to one intervention but no EHCP.

I'm struggling massively. I have bi polar and BPD, work four days a week and am at college taking professional qualifications on the other day.

We've tried so far :
Him sleeping in our room. This has really reduced his anxiety and he's calmer as a result. Doesn't sleep though so I'm shattered.
Reward charts. He gets bored quickly of things so they only work for two weeks max at a time. He gets a small daily reward for instant gratification.
Traffic lights listening. Red - stop. Amber - get ready. Green - listen. Again, only works for about two weeks before he gets bored of it.
No loud voices, bright lights, labels on clothes, anything tight. Works well.
Sensory mats and chew toys. Works to an extent.

Please may you share your collective wisdom and add any suggestions? I'm starting triple P parenting course soon (I hope!) so am looking forward to that. School are great and we've got a CAF coming up to 'build a team' around us, which I hope will be positive.

I know all children are individual but I'd really appreciate anything we could try.

[lampshady]

Thanks, that's really comprehensive and useful. I'll have a look at all of them and have a look at what might work. Like your DS, mine can be violent and as he's getting bigger it's much harder to contain, as well as embarrassing for him in public. He gets anxious about people looking at him, which triggers outbursts, which trigger people looking, so that'd be a good place to start.

I just want him to be happy and enable him to cope.

[knittingwithnettles]

A few things we tried with success

if all else fails a play bath (rather than a specifically for washing bath) is a nice way to calm down (can be early in day or afternoon even) wth loads of toys in there

Toys and games which are ritualised and not frustrating and don't involve losing ie: wooden train tracks without electricity, cars without gadgetry, building blocks you can pile up and knock down without offending anyone, books with lots of pictures of real things, trains, cars, ships, star wars characters.

music, ds likes songs from the musicals, Cats Joseph, Matilda those sort of songs

reduce the amount of pressure on yourself in some form. Easier food,
short cuts, reduce choice in clothes, rationalise bedroom, hide stuff

Dressing up clothes, ds2 loved being a funny person in costume.

Drama classes were a nice way to socialise for an ASD child who didn't find socialising that easy. Musical instruments were not so good, too much pressure for him.

routines for ds, including what nights we watched what programmes. Not written down, just understood, because they got repeated over and over. Ie: swimming lesson Friday always followed by chicken nuggets chips and cucumber and then a particular episode of telly series. This went on for years..think favourite film morphs into Merlin morphs into Dr Who. We are still at that level of ritual in our house aged 13.

[knittingwithnettles]

swimming lesson Sat I mean. Friday was collapse night!!!

[knittingwithnettles]

garages with ramps, Thunderbirds Tracy Island, Large rocket, Large playmobil plane. cuddlies in bed, with names and identities. Role play, you are mummy tiger he is baby tiger, which releases tension and is good way to express emotions freely in safe way, explore fear danger that sort of thing.

Organise his stuff for him, help him get dressed, don't try and hurry this developmental stage as he may be behind, and slow in that sense, and frustrated by being told to hurry up or remember instructions. ONE helpful chore rather than many responsibilities. Give him one task he can do really well, and gets good at it, which he will be proud of.

Read How To Talk So Kids Will Listen by Faber and Mazlish.

[lampshady]

Oh wow, thank you so much! After the diagnosis it made me realise how much of his behaviour is stuck in routine and ritual and how I just kept everything the same allllllllll the time.

Funny you should mention role play knitting, we do A LOT of that! He's usually a puppy or kitten. It's all given me a lot to think about, use and hopefully get somewhere with!

[lampshady]

Obvs knitting. We don't do knitting role play (yet).