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Unsure if I should let it go

(11 Posts)
JJoy342 Tue 27-Oct-15 12:35:55

This is slightly long so I hope it all makes sense, DS1 is 8 and has no issues, whilst DS2 is 5 and Autistic. DS2 is very much in his own world, getting him to speak is like pulling teeth out, doesn't acknowledge anyone and is generally very quiet.

Because of the age gap it's thankfully been easy with DS1 when it comes to DS2. Right before the summer DS1 was invited to a birthday party for a boy in his class and when I asked if he wanted to go, he said no because DS2 wasn't invited.

I asked why he would expect DS2 to be invited as I'd presumed only kids in the class and close friends in other classes were invited.

DS1 said that the birthday boy has a sister in DS2's class and all the kids in that class except DS2 had been invited.

This was upsetting as it's the first time this has happened, but I didn't want to jump to conclusions and since DS1 didn't want to go and DS2 isn't even aware enough to understand that he was the only one without an invite, it didn't seem worth causing an issue over, so I told them DS1 wasn't available on that day.

Over the summer it was the birthday of a close family friend's DC who is in DS1's class, the friend knows about DS2's quirks (he doesn't like loud noises or large groups or being touched) and always goes out of her way to make sure DS2 is accommodated.

At the friends DC's birthday, I noticed that every child except one was there, the one being the boy who's party DS2 wasn't invited to.

I asked my friend if they had plans and she said no, they just didn't want to come. I asked why? And although she didn't want to tell me, my friend said that the boy's mother asked if DS1 was going to be there, when my friend said yes, she then asked if DS2 was going to be there and my friend said yes, that they would both be there. She then said they wouldn't be able to come as they didn't want their DC mixing with those type of kids, when my friend asked what type? She replied that although she sympathised she didn't want her DC's mixing with special needs children.

I was furious, I never asked or wanted her sympathy and I couldn't give a monkey's about how she feels about my kid.

At the start of Term, I made it very clear to DS1 that I didn't want him anywhere near her children and he doesn't like her DC so it wasn't that big of a deal to him.

But this is where things get weird, since the beginning of term, the mother has gone out of her way to speak to me, encourages her DD to play with DS2 before school starts in the playground, although I've made it clear that I would prefer she didn't and have been pretty icy to her, but she just won't stop being nice and she's now invited DS1 and DS2 to a Halloween party this week. DS2 won't be able to go, as he hates Halloween, the light, the masks, the yelling all trouble him but I'm not sure if DS1 shouldn't go, he really wants to but I don't know if I should let the woman's early behaviour slide, and her behaviour now is really confusing, can someone change in one summer?

So ultimately should I let DS1 go and forget about her earlier behaviour?

zzzzz Tue 27-Oct-15 14:26:47

I would be busy doing something else. My guess is someone has had a real go at her and she has decided that if she continues to ostracise disabled children she and her children will be shunned. Great as far as I'm concerned BUT I wouldn't be letting her anywhere near my kids.

MissMarpleCat Tue 27-Oct-15 14:30:46

What a dreadful attitude. I second what zzz posted.

cowssheephens Tue 27-Oct-15 15:04:10

What a horrid person, Keep your DCs away from her.

JJoy342 Tue 27-Oct-15 16:12:35

Glad you all feel that way, I was really worried about being too sensitive over DS2 and letting DS1 miss out because of it. I'll definitely stay clear of that family. DH can take DS1 trick or treating or do something else with him instead.

zzzzz Tue 27-Oct-15 17:28:41

I think sometimes you can be too forgiving. You want people to understand and you want to be part of that process. I wouldn't let my children go to the party of a very racist family either. Fine for the kids to be friends but I would want to limit contact with the bigoted adults.

MissMarpleCat Tue 27-Oct-15 17:33:45

Well done op. What she said really is unforgiveable.

anya1985 Tue 27-Oct-15 19:23:33

As parents of kids with special needs all we want is people's understanding of our child's difficulties and from them not to be alienated. Who does she thing she is to choose when her kids can speak and mingle with yours!! I would quite frankly tell her to sod off and would actually be weary about her 'sudden'. Her words not mix with those kind of kids, as if they have a contagious disease the stupid cow!! I'm fuminggg angry

anya1985 Tue 27-Oct-15 19:24:09

About her 'sudden' change lol

Youarentkiddingme Wed 28-Oct-15 07:22:05

What zzzzz said. She's realised that her actions have set her children apart and now is trying to rectify it.

Your ds1 sounds lovely btw. My friends DDs are like this with DS. He is whole is and they won't have anyone not accept him.

2boysnamedR Wed 28-Oct-15 18:17:39

I think zzz has hit it on the head. Not met that kind of attitude yet but as a mum of children with an I wouldn't have time for that kind of prat

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