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feeling crap about school and 4yr old DS.

(8 Posts)
MummyLeg Tue 08-Sep-15 20:26:20

I don't post on here very often.
My DS is 4 years old, 4 days into school and I am on autistic spectrum diagnosis countdown. teacher has told me he has just walked around the classroom every day, hadn't engaged in any activities, hasn't joined in with games, has been doing headstands during story time. They are "keeping an eye on him" but I know what's coming. Feeling pretty crap to be honest, just really want him to be happy. He definitely has his quirks, very OCD about certain things, intense obsessions with other things. He's really bright but doesn't like any attention drawn to this. Really trying not to be pushy with him.
I suppose just wanted to get off my chest as few fellow mums I know understand. And also wondering: Is there an advantage to getting a "diagnosis"? have always been very keen not to label him / single him out but things might be different now he's at school. What can I do to help him engage at school more? He was doing alright at preschool but needed a lot of steering towards activities. I wondered about offering to go in for a morning or something. Is it worth looking at SEN?

roomonamop Tue 08-Sep-15 22:46:46

Am in the same situation as you. I cant talk about this to many people ae nobody understands. DS 4 had his first day at school today. He brike down when he was made to sit with the other kids but was fine when they were allowed out to play on the trikes and slides. He is also on the assessment path for HFA. Your son sounds quite like mine and I can imagine he will struggle to join in with activities. I have no idea how he will behave once the novelty of a new school has worn off and reality sets in. My concern is that he is at an independent school. His teacher today didn't say much when I told her he struggles socially. His assessment started recently and we have been told we are entitled to bugger all support if we go down the independent school route. I feel a diagnosis is important as it explains so much of their behaviour. Get all the support you need from senso and push for it early on.
What is your ds like socially?
Do pm me if you want to chat.

2boysnamedR Wed 09-Sep-15 23:00:07

Yes it is worth looking into sen. Has the school got a senco? Ask to meet them if they have.

Ask the school to email / put in writing all of their concerns.

Once they do this ask for each concern how they can support him.

So walking around, could they give him
A five minute count down "in five minutes we will be sitting down at our desk", " in four minutes, three etc" "time to stop walking now, time to sit down"

Wobble / sit and move cushion for story time.
A good senco should be able to give a solution to try for most things but.....

You really do need to get proper advice. If he's a sensory seeker ( sounds like it) then a OT needs to be writing out a proper plan for school. A EP needs to observe and assess.

Is he under a pead?

Diagnosis - think of this. If you found a lump in your breast and you ignored it. Would that resolve the problem? No possibly not. The lump Might remain, it might be nothing to worry about ( but you would continue to worry silently). Sen is not comparable to lumps of course but What I mean is this - does not seeking professional opinion stop people having sen? It's either something or nothing. No harm in finding out.

Plus asd isn't the only thing it could be. There are so many methods to help too. But unless you know, it's hard to get the right support

2boysnamedR Wed 09-Sep-15 23:03:56

Plus as a afterthought. My older boy scores above the threshold for. Asd but despite begging for over 5.5 years for a assessment I could not get him assessed so in reality it's a myth that asd diagnosis get handed out willy nilly - chances of being wrongly diagnosed with asd must be very small from what I see

AttilaTheMeerkat Thu 10-Sep-15 09:10:31


re your comment:-
"And also wondering: Is there an advantage to getting a "diagnosis"? have always been very keen not to label him / single him out but things might be different now he's at school".

A diagnosis can open doors that could otherwise remain closed to you. It may well be that your DS is already being labelled in a nasty way and subconsciously by some of his peers (and their parents even 4 days in) due to their lack of understanding. Those could well become attached to him particularly as he goes through the school system and the gaps between he and his peers widens.

I would actually ask the GP for a referral to a developmental paed if that has not already happened and also start looking into applying for an ECHP.
IPSEA's website are good when it comes to SEN and their website is certainly worth reading

Missisdoyle Thu 10-Sep-15 10:19:44

Hi Mummyleg, I am watching this discussion with interest. I am in same boat as you. My 4 yr old DS has just started reception also & we are waiting for a diagnosis ( suspected ASD). He had 5 hours of support at nursery, via an assessment by ED Psyc. This was not carried over to school, so we are waiting for school Ed Psyc's verdict. I also wondered about volunteering to go in, to help him settle. Not sure if this will hinder ,rather than help him. So difficult as to know what to do. We have our first app with the Pead next week. My son, like yours is high functioning. He is v bright, but has anxiety in social, noisy situations. A child bit him y'day ( makes a change from him biting !)& he had a meltdown. Feeling really low & worried about him. Lets hope they all get used to the routine fast & develop coping mechanisms !!!

Missisdoyle Thu 10-Sep-15 15:00:09

Also, I was previously unsure as to whether to pursue a diagnosis, as the Ed Psyc advised against this ( I have previously posted on here for advice about this).She said it would not be helpful to label him, as he can do many things independently. However, we are pursuing a diagnosis now. I feel that he will get more help this way ( that's if he is diagnosed...)

HoursTurnIntoDays Thu 10-Sep-15 18:27:40

When DS started school last year it was very stressful. He was later diagnosed with HFA. He was having tantrums and being rough in the yard. Everyday I collected him I was afraid the teacher would ask me to stay back so she could discuss something that had happened.

He's settled down this year - he has got used to the routine. So much better than last year.

Having the diagnosis means the teachers are understanding about his behaviour and go out of their way to help him.

He is getting extra help with reading as although he is bright his attention is poor. He gets taken out to a learning resource teacher for about 45 mins a day.

The school have provided equipment like a wobble seat as he likes to move around a lot. They give him movement breaks as he needs to burn off extra energy and then he concentrates better.

The teachers keep an eye on him in the yard and let me know who he is playing with and if there are any incidents.

Outside of school he is getting Physio and OT for motor problems. I didnt know he needed these interventions until he was assessed and the OT spotted things about him that I had never noticed - like sensory seeking.

He is doing social courses to help with his social skills. I've been given practical advice on how to improve his eye contact.

He did speech and language which corrected some pronunciation problems.

All of these things will stand to him - they won't cure it - but at least I know by getting a diagnosis I've done everything I possibly can to help him.

Part of me wishes he didn't have a diagnosis because now he has that label and I don't want it to define him - but the fact is if he meets the criteria for the diagnosis then he has autism whether I want to stick my had in the sand or not.

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