I need help with my son :(

(5 Posts)
Titsywoo Thu 03-Sep-15 12:17:32

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs_education/1856798-I-feel-like-I-am-completely-f-ing-this-up-but-I-dont-know-what-to-do

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/2092357-I-think-we-need-help-I-dont-know-what-to-do-anymore

Sorry lots of links there but just a background (the first link has many links in) if you have time to read which I doubt anyone will!

I have been crying all day and have a bloody headache now so can't type for long. DH and I have fallen out very badly over DS. At breaking point as he is so unhappy with DS behaviour. DS hates his dad. He won't cuddle him, talk to him much, do as he says. He doesn't seem to like anyone but me and his sister to be honest. He finds everyone annoying. His social interaction is very poor. He mumbles at people, won't say hello or goodbye, talks when he wants to talk and about what he wants to talk about. Thinks everything else is pointless. Doesn't seem to understand. Teachers find him very hard to deal with because of this so he isn't great academically but gets through because he is bright.

After much fighting the system we got him an ed pysch assessment just over a year ago at school. We already had a dyspraxia diagnosis privately which she agrees with but also thinks possible mild autism. We are on the the 2 years CAMHS waiting list but may even get chucked off that soon as we moved to a new LEA 2 years ago. They knew that as we got put on the list after moving but now the LEA is getting funny.

DH says he can't go on being treated like a second class citizen in his own home. I can't see where to go from here - help me please sad

OP’s posts: |
PolterGoose Thu 03-Sep-15 12:38:42

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Titsywoo Thu 03-Sep-15 12:47:12

Sorry I do take advice from those threads but don't come back to say thanks I guess blush

I just want to know what is "wrong" with him. So I can try and make things easier for him and us. He doesn't give us much to go on.

OP’s posts: |
Titsywoo Thu 03-Sep-15 13:04:44

Yes I need to push but I don't know who and how. As far as everyone is concerned he is on the waiting list and that is that. Private assessment maybe? With who? Sorry a bit stilted but am at work.

OP’s posts: |
OgreIt Thu 03-Sep-15 13:46:28

It sounds like you and your family are having a really hard time. I agree you really need to get an assessment sooner rather than later. I cannot help with how - we live abroad and the process is very different here - but it may be that going privately is the way forward. Having to wait two years for an assessment is ludicrous in my opinion.

What do you think is going on, if you are honest with yourself? Do you agree with the educational psychologist that asd is a likely diagnosis? If so then you can start using the strategies you'd use if you got the diagnosis, you don't have to wait. Do school know the ed psych suspected asd? A psychologist for ds may help with the anxiety that he may feel and that may be driving his behaviour. Sounds like you'd need to go private for this though. Someone who has experience working with children with asd would be best. There are loads of strategies you can try to help with social skills, building theory of mind, and so on, though nothing is a quick fix. And support for you and your dh - counselling, time alone. There are many amazing Facebook groups for parents of children with or suspected of having asd and they may be able to offer advice/support. If you haven't already done so, it's also worth researching asd/Aspergers and strategies people use to help their children. I'm in Australia and there are parent training programs here in things like helping children manage anxiety, build social skills etc. I'm sure there must be the same there (I haven't lived in the UK for a while). There are also plenty of online tutorials that might help - these ones are from Australia but you may find more UK-specific ones online m.raisingchildren.net.au/articles/early_days_autism_workshops.html

Thinking specifically about your DH's relationship with ds, on one of your threads you mentioned your dh restricting access to the computer, which was ds's only interest. My ds has ASD (Aspergers end of the spectrum) and restricting access to his special interest needs to be managed carefully otherwise his behaviour and emotional regulation really goes downhill. I'm not saying he should have free access to the computer whenever he wants, absolutely not, but it probably needs to be thought about a bit more carefully especially if he is already struggling with school etc. For example, we use ds's special interests as a way into practising social skills and then build upon those interactions to practise more natural conversation. We've found the Hanen book Talkability to be helpful with that, although your ds is probably older than the age the book is targeted at.

I guess what I'm saying is you can start now without a diagnosis. Don't wait. Your son may have asd, he may not, but it sounds like he needs help with many of the same areas that people with asd need help with.

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