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feeling stuck ! thankyou if you read :)

(15 Posts)
thriftychicken Wed 22-Jul-15 00:07:43

ds2 , has aspergers , is very high functioning and has just left school . whilst at school ds2 hated every minute and weve had the worst 5 years i could have ever imagined . The school didnt seem to think he needed additional help , just thought he was unmotivated . He was , but obviously there was much more going on . ds2 himself didnt want any help , didnt accept he needed any help and was furious if anyone said otherwise . He insisted he was just thick , the teacher couldnt teach and he couldnt be bothered because school was boring and he was lazy .

Anyway , whilst most were enrolling on college courses for september ds2 insisted that the only thing he was prepared to do ( and i think the only thing he had any confidence in ) was fishery management , as he has had a massive interest in fishing for the last 4 years . unfortunately , the nearest fishery , which hes been going to at weekends is 20 miles away . They offered him an apprenticeship there after we asked about it for him and then went back on it because they hadnt understood what setting up an apprenticeship would involve and decided it would be too much hassle . weve tried local fishing shops with no work available and the colleges that we can get to have nothing in that line .
so , hes in limbo now .
we didnt tell them at the fishery about his AS as we knew they wouldnt take him on if we did and that with it being his specialist subject and a place hes more than familiar with he would get on fine without anyone knowing , which he did when he did a couple of saturday shifts to help out . They were happy with him and he enjoyed it .

Hes adamant that he doesnt want to go to college to do any of the courses available , but he also doesnt want to do or feels he can do any other job . Everytime i try to approach the subject now he gets so stressed and almost has a meltdown . I think weve exhausted all fishing related jobs so i have no idea what he can do either .

He wouldnt want to tell an employer about his AS and i do think hes less likely to be taken on for a job if he does sad Im not sure myself if he really needs to disclose it as he is quite borderline really but his self confidence is so low that he wont make any calls or enquiries himself or jobs even if he found one he was happy about and its obvious somethings amiss if i do it ! Thats if i even get him to look at any job / apprenticeship listings !

sorry , this is all a bit of a jumble . but at the moment hes at home , bored and climbing the walls and we cant come up with a plan for the future . Im worried his behaviour and state of mind is going to go downhill again .
what would you do ?

JiltedJohnsJulie Wed 22-Jul-15 07:33:53

Thrifty have no advice, just wanted to offer s hand and a [cuppa]. Hopefully someone will be along soon smile

defineme Wed 22-Jul-15 07:46:32

I would keep up the connection with the fishery...offer to do more shifts. If he makes himself invaluable they may reconsider and it's also just getting him out the house.
Could you talk to colleges about his sn and see if there is anyone who could talk to him about his options. I have taught very hfa kids who have had to have a lot of support at college. There is a rural skills kind of college
That has been great for a lot of kids I know who like things like fishing.
could he contribute to online fishing magazines...i have no idea if they exist tbf!

PolterGoose Wed 22-Jul-15 08:19:35

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stressedoutnfedup Wed 22-Jul-15 08:45:38

polter residential colleges are not easy to access, could take 2yrs to get a placement, education have to agree, then they get someone to do assessments, then they have to find a suitable college, then they send assessment paperwork to the college to consider, if the college think the young person would benefit from a place the college do a number of day assessments over months, then if the college agree to a placement they have to do lots more paperwork to send to education, education have to decide at panel if the college is suitable, if it is then you have to apply for funding, if education decide it's not suitable you have to start at the begining.
it took 2yrs for my dd to get a residential placement and we only had one college to choose from and everything went smooth. this was before all the cuts though, been told it's near impossible to get residential placement now and a lot of the special needs colleges are closing due to lack of youngsters getting funding. while my dd was at college the numbers dropped from 100 youngsters getting funding, to 17 getting funding. the college had to make staff redundant

PolterGoose Wed 22-Jul-15 09:16:07

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

stressedoutnfedup Wed 22-Jul-15 09:41:18

sorry polter i misunderstood

PolterGoose Wed 22-Jul-15 10:04:27

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ineedmorepatience Wed 22-Jul-15 10:59:29

polter is right (I am not stalking you honest wink)

Dd2 attended a mainstream college with residential options for 6th form. It was an argicultural college that had diversified.

It was brilliant! We did have to pay for the residential bit though but we got a really good bursary for the first yr. I dont know where you are OP but its worth a look.

Good luck flowers

thriftychicken Wed 22-Jul-15 19:12:11

thanks for all the responses . Unfortunately ds2 wouldnt be up for staying at a residential college . Hes so attached to dh , he wouldnt cope with that .
the way its going it seems like he would be happy to play xbox and go fishing everyday and let us support him forever confused
Im also worried about the change over to pip as he gets dla atm but i have a feeling he has no chance when it changes . Tax credits and child benefit will also stop i think if he doesnt get into some sort of education / training so god knows where that leaves us . The routine of school was so much better than this !

stressedoutnfedup Wed 22-Jul-15 19:22:06

we live about an hours drive to our nearest agricultural college but they put a coach on from our area, have you spoken to what was called connexions, (not sure what they are called now,) they might be able to help.

thriftychicken Wed 22-Jul-15 20:17:43

ye , its an idea , i'll try them , thanks

Ineedmorepatience Wed 22-Jul-15 20:55:50

Yes, the college Dd2 went to bussed kids in from miles away everyday. Definitely speak to connexions!

Good luck flowers

JiltedJohnsJulie Thu 23-Jul-15 10:05:54

How about a distance course like this? Maybe if he could secure part time work at the local fishery that might help? smile

jbean66 Thu 23-Jul-15 13:23:05

I know you said your son is very interested in fishing, and I cant help with that, but if you are anywhere near Oxford and he has any interest in become an I.T. technician, we are starting up an Autism-specific I.T. training and work experience programme?

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