Please help to make my mornings more bearable, I feel as a loss.

[Mayor]

DD is 5, diagnosed with SPD with many traits of autism (as yet not assessed for ASD) Mornings are awful. Her sleep isn't good, so she wakes grumpy. She shouts at us and her sister as soon as she opens her eyes. I have tried being kind and understanding but she just shouts at me. If I am firm and say you'll have to go in your room as you can't shout at us before we are even awake it ends in screaming, banging and tantrums at 5am and I'm aware of neighbours. Nothing seems to get through. I feel utterly defeated this morning, she has shouted at us, been nothing but mean to her sister, we've had the usual morning battle re: getting dressed and putting sun cream on. Thing is, she copes really well as school so I think she gets it all out at home which makes it worse. Any advice or tips? I'm trying a reward chart (very basic) but she isn't interested, and if she genuinely can't help her behaviour it won't work anyway will it? I'm so sick of shouting and arguments (from her) and me having to be reasoned and calm. When she is lovely she is really lovely, but it feels we rarely see this at the moment. Any advice would really be appreciated. I feel really tearful this morning as I'm really trying and not getting anywhere it feels.

[Tissie]

Can you remove yourself from the getting up process. Does DD share a bedroom? I would suggest a gentle slowly increasing in volume alarm clock. Teach the wash, dress come down to breakfast routine so she is independent. You could use social stories to go through this. If your DD shares perhaps the sister could get up before her, have her clothes in the bathroom. If DD comes into breakfast shouting the odds then calmly tell her she can's be there until she is quiet and calm. It's back upstairs or sit on the stairs. Then and this is the most important part ignore all noises until she comes quietly into breakfast. if it's too late and she misses breakfast it won't kill her. Put a cereal bar in her school bag to eat on the way to school but don't react to crying and whining.
This will take time and effort but it stands a good chance of succeeding if you stick to it.

[BlackeyedSusan]

feed immediately.

ds had to be fed and was not allowed in the same room as his sister until he had been fed.

[BatFoxHippo]

Have you looked at PDA stuff? Explosive Child book is good.

Mornings have got a lot easier here since I started making it as easy as possible for him to have a quiet calm morning.

I have everything ready, clothes on the heater, nice breakfast (we have the healthy dull stuff on days we don't need to be out in a rush). I think ds is mega grumpy in the morning partly as he needs a wee so that is top priority as soon as he wakes up, despite his protests. If its cold he snuggles under a duvet on the sofa so being out of bed isn't such a shock, I do too. Also he understands when I say we have to be ready to leave when the long hand is at 3 or Octonaughts is finished or whatever.

ALso choices that work for you. Shall I get dressed first or you? Come and choose which shoes/toothbrush you want. He gets to be in control but its putting him in the direction of what needs to be done.

[Mayor]

Thanks for all your suggestions. Because she wakes early she has been getting into bed with me for a cuddle but it quickly turns into her shouting/demanding things. Maybe I need to get up with her straight away and feed her - she doesn't know or tell me when she's hungry so this may be more of an issue than I realised so thanks for that.
Will also try being organised. Tissie I have been really struggling with all the shouting and demanding things, I need to move away from getting locked in a battle or feeding negative attention. Thanks for all those ideas.

[Mayor]

Batfox I'll check the book out - thank you!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Food and a drink!

Also try a visual timeline, they dont work for all children but for us it made a massive difference for getting out of the house!

Dd3 could follow the visual routine and get herself completely ready for school without me having to say anything except "Look at your timeline"

When Dd1 used to get up really mega early I went to my GP for help and his advice was "Go to bed early!!" At the time I could have slapped him but it did help, I cant cope when sleep deprived so I started going to bed much earlier! Yeah, I didnt have much of a life but I coped better with Dd1!

Good luck

[ouryve]

The food is key. DS1 has free access to hot cross buns, so he can help himself even if he's up first.

[BatFoxHippo]

Yes agree about food. Ds has a pee and then breakfast. After trial and error of trying to get him dressed first etc this works best.

And yes tragic as it is I go to bed when he does 5 or 6 nights a week. It does make it easier to cope.