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I dont know what to do anymore

(12 Posts)
shazzarooney99 Sun 21-Jun-15 12:41:46

I have a child whos almost 8,yesterday we had a huge meltdown, where he punched me in the face,tried strangling me,scratched my arms and pinched them really hard and twisted my wrists till they almost broke.

I firmly belive he has high functioning and sensory issues,pead has said traits and sensory issues.

He is on an iep at school,when he started the nursery there and they got an early years ed pych in who put him on school action plus immeid,as i said hes nearly 8 now.

How do i deal with this violence?

PolterGoose Sun 21-Jun-15 13:10:11

Hello shaz flowers for my ds what's worked has been a combination of sensory strategies (my ds is very sensory defensive), PDA type stuff (Ross Greene's 'The Explosive Child' book is brilliant for this, but have a look at the PDA Society website too), CBT type work (like Dawn Huebner's 'What to do when...' workbooks') and just time. Reducing demands, reducing anxiety and not sweating the small stuff makes a big difference. Using rewards, sanctions and consequences makes things worse as ds knows how to behave, at times he just doesn't have the skills to behave any differently. Something like 'The Incredible 5 Point Scale' might be good too.

shazzarooney99 Sun 21-Jun-15 13:15:37

Thanks so much, i will look into this, the reason he kicked off yesterday was probably a combination of 2 things, swimming which has probably caused over stimulation and then dad asked him to get his uniform so he could wash it,unbeilvable isnt it?

PolterGoose Sun 21-Jun-15 13:28:47

Yep, we've had some corkers over what seem like teeny triggers, but usually it's a build up over time and that's just the tipping point.

shazzarooney99 Sun 21-Jun-15 13:32:53

I had a look at pda website where it has a checklist of symptoms however he diddnt fit enough to say Pda if you know what i mean.

shazzarooney99 Sun 21-Jun-15 13:36:02

Something else that we are getting quite frequently as well is him saying "i want to kill myself"

PolterGoose Sun 21-Jun-15 14:13:13

My ds doesn't fit an exact pda profile but has enough 'features' to mean the strategies work well.

Yes, mine has expressed suicidal stuff too, for my ds it's more that he doesn't have any ability to express how bad he feels, it's horrid to hear but we just keep working on improving his emotional skills, the 5 point scale type stuff is good for that.

It can be easier for our children to use numbers or another rating system that isn't actual naming of emotions. My ds's most successful one was a series of 10 sea creatures ranging from plankton up to blue whale, which was his special interest, so we could 'measure' his feelings. I used it a lot to explore over reacting, so I've said things like 'this looks like a shrimp size worry but you're showing me an octopus sized reaction, it's a bit confusing!' We've done one with birds too, starting with a friendly docile bird and ranging up to an angry bird whose name I can't remember.

shazzarooney99 Sun 21-Jun-15 15:00:00

Ive just printed out some of the pages on the 5 point scale some of the emotion pages,do i just get him to point to how hes feeling and talk about it? and if needs be take him somewhere to calm down? before it escalates?

Stradbroke Sun 21-Jun-15 15:06:45

My DD fits some Of the PDA behaviours and we parent her in much the same way as they suggest. When she is stressed (today she is - no reason we can ascertain. She's had a great week up to here) we keep demands low, but we always expect decent behaviour. She is removed for hitting etc. but the most important thing for us has been to try and stop it escalating in the first place. Easier said than done I know.

shazzarooney99 Sun 21-Jun-15 15:10:27

Thanks strad,we dont really ask a lot of him to be honest apart from when he asks for a drink we will say get one yourself as i want him to be a bit more independant.

PolterGoose Sun 21-Jun-15 15:29:15

I used my own made up scales and we used them to talk about lots of things. For example, we talked about pain and worked out where different types of pain would be on the scale, but you could talk about foods or toys or anything, for me it was all about getting ds to stop seeing everything as either terrible/horrific/suicidal/worst day ever or super/fabulous/amazing/best day ever with nothing in between. So starting with more tangible things and later moving on to more emotional things.

shazzarooney99 Sun 21-Jun-15 15:48:18

Thanks polter tis always usual to know these things and go through them.

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