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ok, they win,

(62 Posts)
kojackscat Tue 16-Jun-15 08:48:00

I surrender. The LA have ground me down, kicked me so many times, lied, confused, refused to communicate, etc. I give in now, I dont have the energy to continue to fight.

I will carry on loving my son, doing the best for him at home, but can't fight any more for him to get a decent education.
I'll just resign myself the the fact that he will be in a place that cant cope with him, not learn, be sent home often, only be in half days anyway, and generally fail.
I will never work again, so will have to contine to claim benefits, cos I cant find a job that is flexible enough to fit in with his short hours and regular exclusions

Cos that is what the LA want, and I dont have the emotional energy to fight them any more.

2boysnamedR Tue 16-Jun-15 09:01:59

No no no! Don't give up! Unless your going to home ed?

I have felt like giving up many a time and felt like its hopeless but kind of got there in the end.

It's a hard thing to carry on but how old is your child? Mine is seven so has over ten years left at school.

I'm not giving my LA the satisfaction of walking away.

8 out ten parents don't contest the LA. Don't be one of them as that's why they do this. Odds are in the favour until parents contest. Then the power shifts back

ToffeeWhirl Tue 16-Jun-15 09:04:10

Don't give up, op. I know the situation stinks, but take a break from it all for a while, regather your strength, take a deep breath, then try again.

SOS-SEN and IPSEA were both helpful to me when I was trying to get help for my DS1. But the main help was from the mothers who'd been through it already and posted here. Stay on this board.

ToffeeWhirl Tue 16-Jun-15 09:06:48

Oh, and it took roughly 10 years to get my DS into the right school. If I had given up, he wouldn't be at the school he is now, enjoying lessons and looking forward to his future. There were many times when I didn't think this would ever happen, but I just kept plodding on and eventually it happened. Lots of shit first, unfortunately, and the system is a disgrace, but at least we got there in the end. You can too.

kojackscat Tue 16-Jun-15 09:31:59

Ds is 6. The LA are just refusing to reply to my calls or e mails. I just get silence, or told 'this is not a quick process, we will contact you when we have further information.
I know its not quick, but we are now in week 42 of a 20 week process, and I want to know what timescale they are expecting to have answers for me in.
I spoke to my mp, who told me that if I contact the la too often they can use some type of 'non molestation process by which they will cease all contact with me bar letters via their legal department. So I have no choice but to sit and wait for them to do it in their own time

ToffeeWhirl Tue 16-Jun-15 10:01:17

That's outrageous, kojack. Have you been in touch with IPSEA? They have an advice line: you can email them here.

kojackscat Tue 16-Jun-15 10:59:38

I have had advice from IPSEA, to make a complaint to the LA followed by one to the ombudsman.. But the LA compalint proceedure is 10 weeks long. and I need a resolution faster than that.

And I am too tired to do it anyway.

adrianna22 Tue 16-Jun-15 11:03:34

Don't give up Kojackscat!!!

I'm sorry, I don't know about your case, what is going on?

2boysnamedR Tue 16-Jun-15 11:07:28

Go to JR now.

kojackscat Tue 16-Jun-15 11:12:23

Adrianna, thanks, but I really can't face typing it our now, there are too many tears. The more I think about it the more I cry.

2 boys, I did think about JR, but ipsea said to do complaint and ombudsman , and I'm too tired for any of it. I think I need to see my gp, but that seems too difficult as well, at the moment

I'm sorry, I haven't got any advice that hasn't already been suggested, but just wanted to send you some supportive wishes and hope you find the strength to get through this.

Icimoi Tue 16-Jun-15 13:59:44

I really wouldn't agree with Ipsea's advice, a letter threatening JR will be much quicker and easier. I suggest you contact SOS SEN, I heard that they are willing to do the pre-action letter, so it wouldn't even involve much effort from you. Please do it, 6 is too young to be giving up.

2boysnamedR Tue 16-Jun-15 14:35:28

Yes just phone Sossen and do the pre JR letter.

They can't fight a JR as they can't win. They aren't following the deadlines.

God knows this is bloody hard work but what's your plan b? Without a plan b it's just keep on fighting I'm afraid.

I was told that JR is dealt with by legal firms and it's free. No LA is stupid enough to actually be taken that far. Trust me, there's not many more useless than mine and they are class A shit

kojackscat Tue 16-Jun-15 14:37:56

I did contact sossen left 2 messages, but no one got back to me.

I have been given a letter template by a wonderful poster on here.
But if i threaten it, I have to go through with it. And I can't just now.

All the fighting is just to get the ehc plan. Once I have that, he will get the help he needs, so Im not givign up on him forever, just kind of going with thier timeline instead of the statutory one.

They have agreed that he needs it, but are just being sooooooooooooo slow about the details, specifically, OT work.

As I said, its been 42 weeks now.

Icimoi Tue 16-Jun-15 18:32:42

Try emailing the admin address at SOS, it's on their website - .

Seriously, if you threaten JR it's incredibly unlikely that you will have to go through court proceedings. They will realise that they just can't risk it, because if they are that far past the statutory deadline they don't have a defence and would be ordered to pay costs. If they went mad and failed to respond, most of the work involved in court proceedings is done by solicitors: you don't have to give evidence in person, for instance.

zzzzz Tue 16-Jun-15 21:06:26

You are allowed to stop.

You are allowed to let it all go and claw back some of your ds's childhood.

You are allowed and you won't be the first.

Honk honk honk honk honk

OnionsAndApples Tue 16-Jun-15 21:15:19

I gave up too. In fact, I pulled ds out of school. We didn't even get as far as requesting a statement as we knew they would fight it as he is so high functioning.


uggerthebugger Tue 16-Jun-15 21:32:54

what zzzzz said. It's a marathon, not a sprint. Only a few weeks till the end of term anyway. Don't dash yourself against the rocks now for something that can't kick in before September anyway.

Let it go for now, and see how you feel when the new school year is about to start. And you are allowed to stop entirely if it's overwhelming you.


cansu Tue 16-Jun-15 21:34:01

Sometimes I have a break from it. I decide not to respond to every shitty thing that happens and just zone out for a while. I usually find that gives me time to recharge my batteries and return in time for the key things. Maybe just take a few weeks off from thinking about it and then make your decision. You might feel more up for it all then.

kojackscat Tue 16-Jun-15 21:46:05

zzzz, Ugger, cansu and Onions, thank you. I was feeling so bad about stopping, letting him down, and giving up the fight. DH works 2 jobs, days, evenings, and weekends, so really im doing this all on my own, and I felt I was letting the whole family down.

You have made me realise I can take a break, I don't have to fight all the time. And I really do need to see my GP, I'll spend some time on myself to try to get my strength back.

I'll wait for my MPs letter to get to them and see what response comes, then think about what to do in September.

Ineedmorepatience Tue 16-Jun-15 22:20:39

I am stopping too kojack I know I should make complaints and kick off but I am done with it! I just want to get Dd3's statement in my hand and then walk away!! I cant fight to get the provision secured in it or a specialist setting , or fight with school to ensure provisions are in place!

I am done with the lot of them and need a rest!!

Ineedmorepatience Tue 16-Jun-15 22:22:24

For me its the lying and arse covering that is the worst, that and the arrogance!!

I really dont need any of those people in my or Dd3's life!!!

kojackscat Tue 16-Jun-15 22:26:13

Perhaps its just the end of year blues, got us all feeling down, Ineed

zzzzz Tue 16-Jun-15 22:33:14

For me its the lying and arse covering that is the worst, that and the arrogance!!

I really dont need any of those people in my or Dd3's life!!!


I gave up about a month ago. I'm so glad you posted kojack I thought I was alone embracing the freefall grin

I refuse to let them have any more of our life.

bjkmummy Tue 16-Jun-15 22:55:42

if I lose tomorrow my plan is to walk away as well - ive spent 4 years fighting - im tired, 2 kids are okay through my battles and getting all 3 sorted would be great but if I lose then im on a one way path to many more years of battles and I just don't want to do it anymore.

there are only a few weeks left now and then everything will wind down for august so if you need too I would take a break for now

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